Can anyone reccomend a couch?

[Sideways]

IKEA will actually give me panic attacks when I am in there.

I’m totally with you here. I recently moved, and my sister is pro Ikea to the point where it’s almost impossible to get her to go anywhere else. We were both coming from studio apartments with no couch, so we needed couches.

And because I am the way I am, that meant having a couch each.

Buying couches online is a useless concept. You gotta sit in it to really know. It also helps to make sure it’s not a foam cushion, because they get really uncomfortable really quickly.

Making it into Ikea with my dog? Was FB worthy for me. And I don’t really ever post anything on FB. My sister had it sussed in advanced though: having been there before, she knew the couches were at the entrance, we sat in a few, and the decision was super easy.

Deep cushion so that my legs are supported and you can sink back into it, high back so that I can rest my head back, wide flat arm so I can lie down and fall asleep on it.

That’s the helpful stuff that I got from sitting in Ikea couches.

What wasn’t helpful? Is Ikea have found a way to deliver their couches as flatpacks. Wtaf? Not a fun day. So, some good stuff came from it, some not so good.

To me? Couches are like armchairs. I have an armchair I bought about 15 years ago. Rock solid, super comfy. I’ve spent whole nights in it. But it looks uncomfortable. The only real way to know for sure? Is to get out there putting your toosh in as many as you can!!!

 

[Justmehere]

The only real way to know for sure? Is to get out there putting your toosh in as many as you can!!!

This! I’d go sit in a number of couches, don’t look online for the best of everything... instead go put toosh in couches. What is a great couch for me may not at all fit what you want in a feel for a couch.

 

[TruthSeeker]

ReStore-Do you have a Habitat for Humanity run ReStore? We have several in the area. The better Restores are located nearer the pricier/more upscale communities and have larger selections. Some communities only run their Restore on the weekend-so you have to get there early. The Restore near me is my furniture shopping center. I don't buy new furniture....after you buy it it is quickly used. Buy a well made used couch you can sit on and look it all over. Check for comfort, that it's in good condition, and if you don't like it.....you will not have wasted money, but you'll have money left over to buy a different one or other furniture you may want for the future. ?

 

[blackemerald1]

I agree with @Lionheart777 - slip covers on an old couch (so long as the couch has been cleaned) are a great choice.

If you like you can even get the slip cover made out of the material you like the most.

If you subsequently realise, as I did, that my very well made, second hand couch is a stand out winner in the comfort stakes... it's worth recovering it once the slip-covers are worn out. :)

 

[Scarlet13]

Ok, I havent bought the couch yet. The one at Room and Board is winning so far as it is atleast with in the budget of what we would be willing to spend on a couch.

Deep cushion so that my legs are supported and you can sink back into it, high back so that I can rest my head back, wide flat arm so I can lie down and fall asleep on it.

This is exactly what I want. I may just brave IKEA. They have really good frames, but when I am inside, the panic rises, rather like being lost in the woods and not knowing when you will get out.

So many responses on here are for the used couch. I am a little afraid of bed bugs and how that couch was used. What if they had sex repeatedly on the couch?
What if they had multiple rounds of vommitt and pee happen on the couch?

My cat (who was usually very well behaved) took a dump right in the middle of our last couch because we accidentally left the door closed to her litter box.
Sorry, I can struggle with some OCD like issues (which came from my child hood trauma).

I do still love the idea of the used couch that is comfortable and well made (and can get cleaned). I envy those of you who found the perfect couch for a low price.
And I think most people just sit on a couch and it is totally fine. I once read that if you are comfortable eating out at restaurants that you can buy second hand dishes. I guess the same theory can apply to a couch. There are so many things that you can get used.

There is a store here called "the good couch" it is just a room full of discarded couches. There was a cl post where someone was selling a couch from their second home (a lot of wealthy people where I live). So that's a couch that is hardly used. It just wasn't our style.

I most likely will just buy new for a couch, but I will keep checking used options.

I can't wait till this is all done as buying new or used furniture just gives me panic and then I have to devote 50 min therapy sessions to talking about Ikea.

Thanks everyone for your responses, they were so interesting to read and helpful!

 

[Justmehere]

When it comes to trying out new couches, is the biggest difficulty navigating any public stores and the panic that comes with that? Or is it more specific to furniture?

(Don’t have to answer if you don’t want to say.)

I can understand about used couches. It can be hit or miss. It’s your home and I hope you find a great couch for you.

 

[Scarlet13]

When it comes to trying out new couches, is the biggest difficulty navigating any public stores and the panic that comes with that? Or is it more specific to furniture?

(Don’t have to answer if you don’t want to say.)

I can understand about used couches. It can be hit or miss. It’s your home and I hope you find a great couch for you.

No, the panic is more for spending money. I can feel overwhelmed and a bit panicked in big stores like IKEA, but I was actually exaggerating this a bit just to poke fun at IKEA and its large size . It is so dense and big that there is a claustrophobic feeling that can happen, but it is not a major thing I struggle with compared to other symptoms.

My real anxiety lies in purchasing things either large or small. I already have a new couch from Lazy Boy and now that's it here it just isnt right which has even caused marital discord. My husband thinks fine.
I just got it along with other furniture and I didn't really slow down to think what I really wanted. They dont let you return it.

So we are moving the lazy boy couch to our front sitting room. So it is the whole process of picking the right thing more so than a social anxiety thing.

My T thinks it has to do with a 'not having enough factor' as a child. I desire really nice, secure things that never break, yet I want to reflect my child hood (being poor) and deprive myself by being really cheap and getting not nice things.

I then turn into sort of a perfectionist if I am spending a lot of money on something.
So buying new, I expect it to be perfect and buying used sets off OCD feelings.

But we figured we need to furnish the front sitting room, so getting a second couch needed to happen anyways. I am just trying to slow dwn and get the right thing, paying attention to what I really want within a reasonable budget, and not letting fear and insecurity guide me.
So, all of these responses have been helpful and finding the right couch is important!

 

[Justmehere]

I then turn into sort of a perfectionist if I am spending a lot of money on something.

I can relate to this. I’m a recovering perfectionist, for different reasons. We had enough material goods but my choices were constantly critiqued and every small mistake could lead to massive rage by my perfectionist father.

I find that when my stress cup is fuller the draw to try to seek control through perfectionism is stronger. But when my stress cup is lower, I can tolerate more of the less than perfect and have more fun.

Whatever couch you get... don’t lose sight of this bigger long term picture of the messages from childhood. Perfectionism is tough when making decisions together in a relationship. it can become its own stressor.

You are focused on the “right” couch. Yeah. I’ve been there. I seriously need a new winter coat. One that is substantial in cost. I have saved up the money. I haven’t bought it for over a year because I worry every coat isn’t the right coat. So... I’m using a crappy coat and it causes problems. Sigh. It’s not a couch, but same kind of battle. A family member offered to straight up buy the fancier coat, ao I didn’t have to think of cost, and I declined it, thinking it is undeserved.

I’m going to encourage you to reframe that thought about the “right” couch and shift phrasing to terms that are less moralistic, less all or nothing, and something more observational. Shooting for “comfy new couch” is a lot easier than the exact right couch. You’ll still may still struggle, and that’s ok, keep going back to your goal of a “comfy” new couch and you may find it easier to reach your goal. I changed it to “a warm coat” and over time, it’s become easier, and more fun. I found a coat that worked for me.

 

[blackemerald1]

@scarlett I do understand what you are saying. Tbh I had nothing to sit on, no couch.. just the floor so when I went to the Salvo's I was quite desperate. There was no way I could afford a new couch though even if I'd had the money I probably would have looked them over much more seriously. But I'm still not sure I'd have bought a new couch.

I went to the furniture stores and left feeling so desperate. The couch's I could afford were disgusting in terms of build and comfort. The couches I couldn't afford were soo comfortable I didn't want to get off them. Yes.. I put myself through the misery of trying out couch's that were way out of my price range. I still don't know why!! :rolleye:

It took a little time and effort to find the Salvo's big warehouse place and my couch was hidden under a lot of other furniture. I'm talking several months of time, searching real furniture stores. But what a place! And well, what a gem! Except for the pattern on it... which is quite um 'busy' ....roses... you know that olde worlde charm?? Hmm... yeah that. But I'm very confident in about thirty years it will be back in vogue. I'm also confident the couch will last that long lol... it's so solid! And... there is also a part of my psyche that says oh f*ck the pattern on it.. I have bigger fish to fry.

I have to smile (to myself) when I see the reaction of people when they first approach my couch... I know they think I bought it from new and I don't correct them. I mean it looks so new, it very well could be. I see them wondering if they know me at all based on this very loud pattern on it. It's an interesting study believe me lol...

In terms of bugs, vomit, pets and oh! people having had sex on it... well...I had it cleaned by a professional furniture cleaner with a massive machine that used chemicals and hot water. Honestly, I don't think anything could survive what it was put through! Not even the memories of good or bad sex lol...

I sat and then laid along it for quite some time.. it's a three seater and fortunately there are some advantages to not being tall (er) It (the couch) told me that we were meant for each other and nothing biblical had happened on it. lol

Once I find my sewing machine and feel suitably inclined I will make some slip covers for it. So I can at least pretend I have more say in how it looks.

I'd suggest that your search for a couch be scaled back a little and taken at a more leisurely pace. Particularly if you have something to sit on already. In the meantime could you get some nicely stuffed cushions and pad your existing couch?

Have you ever had the experience of needing to find a particular thing and just not finding exactly what you need, then after you've made a decision and committed to it and even ...sigh... paid for it - you see suitable alternative's every which way you look! Well that doesn't happen when one purchases a cheap second hand couch. Nothing can compare in terms of price and thus far I've not found anything comparable in comfort either. Except for the $30,000 leather units..

Good luck with surviving Ikea ...ugh....

I'm off to look at new cars... I hate car shopping!

 

[Scarlet13]

This is good advice-

I find that when my stress cup is fuller the draw to try to seek control through perfectionism is stronger. But when my stress cup is lower, I can tolerate more of the less than perfect and have more fun.

I hadn't thought of that way, the correlation between stress and perfectionism.
My T and I talked about my needing things that cost a lot of money to be perfect. I am always going to be shocked by spending money. I am also going to feel insecure about cheap or used stuff. It is hard to navigate this.

I'd suggest that your search for a couch be scaled back a little and taken at a more leisurely pace.

This is good advice. I went to IKEA today and didn't really like any of the couches, but did find a lovely butterfly print!
The best thing is when you get the perfect thing for not a lot of money. That does sometimes happens.
This post has invited me to rethink the meaning of perfection.