Other Genital mutilation

[somerandomguy]

First of all, I apologize for the title of this thread. Not very long ago, seeing a thread with that title would have sent me into a spiral of dysregulation. Not so much now - now thinking about my mutilation just makes me sad. And I know I'm one of the incredibly lucky ones in that my mutilation doesn't cause me to be unable to have sex. Sex definitely doesn't feel as good now as did before, but I can still function.

Potentially I could have surgery to fix it, but there is a (small) chance of losing all function, and it's probably not worth the risk. Also, I don't know if my insurance company would pay for it. And the surgeon was just such a complete jerk to me during our consultation that I don't feel very good about being operated on by him anyway.

If anyone else here is ok with and willing to talk about their genital mutilation, I guess this is a place to do it. Maybe we can all commiserate. Because it f*cking sucks. I guess I just don't really feel like a whole person. I don't know how to fix that feeling, or if I even can.

 

[AlaskaCherokee]

Hi. I have never done it but felt like it at times! Still occasionally feel the urge to do it. A few times, it was an overwhelming urge! I am sorry for how you're feeling about it.

 

[bellbird]

I just want to say that I am so freaking proud of you for starting this thread, @somerandomguy :hug:

 

[AlaskaCherokee]

I just want to say that I am so freaking proud of you for starting this thread, @somerandomguy :hug:

Yes, Somerandomguy! I am, too! That was very kind of you to say, Bellbird!

 

[frogthroat]

Yes, mine are mutilated too and it's been a process of grieving not to associate it with myself or apply it to aspects of my character. Now I'm at a stage where I'm slowly removing it from what I can and can't do relationship wise and at least I'm attempting to form some platonic relationships regardless. To a degree, I know letting it hold me back is still having a victimhood mentality but I forgive myself for this because acceptance is a process sometimes especially with something as profound as any kind of mutilation.
That being said, I'm still able-bodied, independent, and have enough cognitive function to make it on my own. Nobody can outwardly see that I'm mutilated and so I don't deal with the stigma that outwardly mutilated or handicapped peoples deal with.
I do know it will have to be brought up if I ever have a significant other. This used to bother me so much. Now I think of it as a ward of protection. If that's a deal breaker for a potential life partner then I dodged a bullet anyway.
It's not as big of a deal as it seems but try telling your subconscious that lol. It's a process.

 

[AlaskaCherokee]

Yes, mine are mutilated too and it's been a process of grieving not to associate it with myself or apply it to aspects of my character. Now I'm at a stage where I'm slowly removing it from what I can and can't do relationship wise and at least I'm attempting to form some platonic relationships regardless. To a degree, I know letting it hold me back is still having a victimhood mentality but I forgive myself for this because acceptance is a process sometimes especially with something as profound as any kind of mutilation.
That being said, I'm still able-bodied, independent, and have enough cognitive function to make it on my own. Nobody can outwardly see that I'm mutilated and so I don't deal with the stigma that outwardly mutilated or handicapped peoples deal with.
I do know it will have to be brought up if I ever have a significant other. This used to bother me so much. Now I think of it as a ward of protection. If that's a deal breaker for a potential life partner then I dodged a bullet anyway.
It's not as big of a deal as it seems but try telling your subconscious that lol. It's a process.

Wonderful words!

Sorry, but Im so curious about what Ten of Cups is or means? If it's private or if inappropriate of me to ask, please forgive me! U can ignore my question.

 

[somerandomguy]

Still occasionally feel the urge to do it.

I'd strongly recommend that you not do it. Pull out every stop you have to. My mutilation was sustained in a gaslighting/sex abuse situation, so not 100% willingly, and others on this board have sustained it during childhood sexual abuse or rape, so not willingly at all. It may feel like it's the right thing to do temporarily, but I assure you that you will regret it deeply in the future.

I am so freaking proud of you for starting this thread,

Thanks bellbird.

it's been a process of grieving not to associate it with myself or apply it to aspects of my character

Me too. But you are completely and totally blameless for it. That's a situation that just makes me sad and angry.

Nobody can outwardly see that I'm mutilated and so I don't deal with the stigma that outwardly mutilated or handicapped peoples deal with.

There is that, true. Sometimes I forget this because I feel so ashamed.

I do know it will have to be brought up if I ever have a significant other.

That might be easier than you think - honestly. I brought it up to my wife after our third date, I think, and she really didn't care. There are so many different kinds of sex, anyone who absolutely must have that thing you can't do would be a poor fit anyway.

If that's a deal breaker for a potential life partner then I dodged a bullet anyway.

Exactly. I told someone too soon - before even going on a date - and it was "let's just be friends" right after. I made a mistake, but ultimately I'm glad I didn't waste my time.

 

[AlaskaCherokee]

Oh! I must have misunderstood! I thought you had intentionally SELF mutilated. My occasional urges about that are an emotional response to the abuse done to me and I DO make sure that I dont actually do it. Sorry I misunderstood. My thinking is not clear and working well lately but sometimes, I think it IS again, but later find out, it's not quite right!?.

Take care!

 

[somerandomguy]

I thought you had intentionally SELF mutilated.

Reading back I can see how one could think that. It was a very complicated situation, so in a way I guess what happened to me was self-mutilation. But in another way it absolutely was not. My ex-wife performed surgery on me and gave me a subincision (do not Google that if you don't have a very strong stomach). It's the event that led to my PTSD. I probably should have clarified.

But any self-mutilators are welcome in this thread. It can absolutely be a self-injury response to abuse. But again I would strongly recommend against doing it if at all possible.

 

[AlaskaCherokee]

Reading back I can see how one could think that. It was a very complicated situation, so in a way I guess what happened to me was self-mutilation. But in another way it absolutely was not. My ex-wife performed surgery on me and gave me a subincision (do not Google that if you don't have a very strong stomach). It's the event that led to my PTSD. I probably should have clarified.

But any self-mutilators are welcome in this thread. It can absolutely be a self-injury response to abuse. But again I would strongly recommend against doing it if at all possible.

Ok. Thanks. Actually, I do not mutilate myself but occasionally have urges to.

I realize this conversation doesnt apply to me so Im gonna exit but nice chatting with you and probably run into you in other areas of this site. Take care!

 

[frogthroat]

Sorry, but Im so curious about what Ten of Cups is or means

Not to hijack this thread for super long but the ten of cups is part of the minor arcana in the tarot and it signifies health, happiness, finding true love, starting a family, financial stability etc.