Negative self-thoughts + quasi-flashbacks/intrusive thoughts at the same time?

[Innordinate]

Today's rough- doesn't really matter why right now but negative self- talk is running the show at the moment.
Mostly core beliefs my abusers taught me, starting from when I was young. So it's a core belief (or many really) that I'm crap in every kind of way.

What I'm wondering though- if anyone else can hear their abusers words do you also get images at the same time?

For example: When i was a kid my uncle would tell me I ruined his life and my FOO's life- so now, i hear those same words, but in his voice not mine, and 3rd person images of him punishing me, sometimes with smells and sometimes i can feel it and sometimes both.
The images/feels/smells last for only a second or so...basically stop me in my tracks. i'm fully immersed in them, but like i said- for mere seconds, and then right back to reality and what I was doing.

Pretty much normal for me a lot of times but I'm just wondering what the heck it is. and if anyone else has experienced similar type negative talk/memories/flashbacks things co-occuring?

 

[TruthSeeker]

Yup-"No man will ever want you....@9" y/o-now with angry abuser naked. Yep, he was right....they eventually didn't. Doesn't happen often unless I actually think about it.

 

[NIKI]

Oh Yes, I can hear and see my mother telling me "I wish you were never born!" All day in my head I have been screaming, You Are Nothing! I can't shake it off today. Some days the thoughts/images are much worse than other days.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes. I just characterized that part as simultaneous memories.

 

[Mach123]

I mean yes, it's my whole life but it's not as "in your face" for me as you are describing. So I do "radical acceptance" which is like saying a "reboot."

It's been 35 years or so since I first heard "stop beating yourself up" and I'm still working on it. It's subtle and ephemeral. I think I have a handle on it and then I catch myself gritting my teeth and grinding away on me.

Yes it's the internal (eternal) abuser. In my case it's no one and everyone.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I mean yes, it's my whole life but it's not as "in your face" for me as you are describing. So I do "radical acceptance" which is like saying a "reboot."

It's been 35 years or so since I first heard "stop beating yourself up" and I'm still working on it. It's subtle and ephemeral. I think I have a handle on it and then I catch myself gritting my teeth and grinding away on me.

Yes it's the internal (eternal) abuser. In my case it's no one and everyone.

@Mach123 -I am now able to shut my inner critic down by just telling it to shut up......took a while, but that stops it. The more I shut it down, the less it seems to intrude...My inner critic, too, is a collection of negative messages reinforced by different abusers and codependent people in the family.....some abusers have their own "lines" and others come from a collective of people, doing the group abuse thing. I hear less criticism in my head when I pursue fun and enjoyable things, and hang with people who don't associate with drama.

 

[Mach123]

@ Mach123-I am now able to shut my inner critic down by just telling it to shut up......took a while, but that stops it. The more I shut it down, the less it seems to intrude...My inner critic, too, is a collection of negative messages reinforced by different abusers and codependent people in the family.....some abusers have their own "lines" and others come from a collective of people, doing the group abuse thing. I hear less criticism in my head when I pursue fun and enjoyable things, and hang with people who don't associate with drama.

Persue fun and enjoyable things? That works for me too. : ). I could go on and on about having fun and how I made myself miserable even about things I loved. Only sex really works and that's fine as long as you can "play me that song" over and over.

But since I've been in trauma therapy I know who it is. It's the abuser internalised. The pleasure and pain circuitry are all mixed up. The wires all crossed.

Positive thinking works and I believe in it but when I'm feeling like the op it feels like a bandaid. It's much better now though I know a lot more "things" I do that help/let me avoid depression.

 

[LibertyJen]

I have this happen frequently, especially from the third person perspective which my therapist explained is because dealing with the emotion was and is too traumatic so we become a witness to our own past traumas, as in we dissociate to protect ourselves as we may have done when the trauma originally occurred. A safety mechanism, of sorts.

 

[Innordinate]

therapist explained is because dealing with the emotion was and is too traumatic so we become a witness to our own past traumas, as in we dissociate to protect ourselves as we may have done when the trauma originally occurred. A safety mechanism, of sorts.

thanks but not what im talking about here

 

[Freida]

Air raid sirens and looking at the flight line and the voice telling me I'm no gonna make it. Sigh

 

[Innordinate]

read something else on here about flashbacks.
they're flashbacks... just really fast ones.

 

[user44032]

Pretty much normal for me a lot of times but I'm just wondering what the heck it is. and if anyone else has experienced similar type negative talk/memories/flashbacks things co-occuring

Today's rough- doesn't really matter why right now but negative self- talk is running the show at the moment.
Mostly core beliefs my abusers taught me, starting from when I was young. So it's a core belief (or many really) that I'm crap in every kind of way.

What I'm wondering though- if anyone else can hear their abusers words do you also get images at the same time?

For example: When i was a kid my uncle would tell me I ruined his life and my FOO's life- so now, i hear those same words, but in his voice not mine, and 3rd person images of him punishing me, sometimes with smells and sometimes i can feel it and sometimes both.
The images/feels/smells last for only a second or so...basically stop me in my tracks. i'm fully immersed in them, but like i said- for mere seconds, and then right back to reality and what I was doing.

Pretty much normal for me a lot of times but I'm just wondering what the heck it is. and if anyone else has experienced similar type negative talk/memories/flashbacks things co-occuring?

I hear their words, feel how I felt at the time, and at times images