Processing Trauma without Talking about it

[Deanna]

Having sex so young is not uncommon for our teen years to be sex-driven ( I was) didn't even know what I was doing.

 

[Chris-duck]

Having sex so young is not uncommon for our teen years to be sex-driven ( I was) didn't even know what I was doing.

I'm not sure that's the issue here tbh. Underage sex and trauma are both very different.

 

[Deanna]

I'm not sure that's the issue here tbh. Underage sex and trauma are both very different.

I know the trauma but I associated it with the person(s) Not future persons ( if that makes any sense) I thought it may be helpful to the OP

 

[TruthSeeker]

@ piratelady-I have drawn some really elementary pics....stick figure drawing.....when I can't say it but I'm trying to convey it (process) or tell T....and then my T and I played the yes/no game....and I'd write a few words for pics she was unclear on (like who, where,) and the rest was obvious.....and that's how it started for some things that I just couldn't get the words out.

 

[piratelady]

I emailed therapist last night with as much as I could. He said thank you and to put it aside until Wednesday, as far as trying to process my feelings. I’m going to try to do that and give myself a break, other than maybe trying to figure out how to better communicate what I need to next week.

Maybe the issue is partly how to keep myself better grounded. I get sucked back into that memory really easily. Maybe it’s grounding that is the problem?

I know the trauma but I associated it with the person(s) Not future persons ( if that makes any sense) I thought it may be helpful to the OP

I’m not sure I’m really following. Sorry.

 

[Deanna]

How does one ever recover or process or find relief a trauma that happened when they were like 6 months or one year or before in the womb? Especially if others know about this trauma and it is not about memory recovery. With that in mind, you do not have to talk about "it" truly if you do not want but, it may help if you are willing to talk about your beliefs (like it was your fault) and what you want to do about that.

You can break down the consequences of that event and what you need to get to in the future without every sharing the actual trauma. To add a bit of context, my traumatic childhood was just that 18 yrs of trauma, so what exactly am I to process? It is so metadata mixed with my blood that I focus how this shaped my personality, my mood, my present life and focus what I want to look like or be like or be good at in the future if I am not spending energy to conflicts I do not recall. This is one of the reasons I do not have trauma diary here...there is nothing particularly to talk about and yet everything. I am a fish that grow up in a cesspool. So in short, I do not discuss about when I was 5yrs old this happened, I discuss about I was or am unable to own this feeling or unaware and what to do about or I never learned that and I like to. Just present awareness of the impact is enough to release the pain and the grip of that trauma. IMHO.

You can do it too!

I grew up in the same cesspool! That's why I don't have a diary either.

being used and often treated as an object.

It then becomes easy to see how victims often fall into promiscuity, searching for love in all of the wrong places. Sex no longer holds the value it should; it simply

Dead Link Removed

 

[Freida]

I get sucked back into that memory really easily. Maybe it’s grounding that is the problem?

Yes! You are going to be overwhelhmed so you need to keep it short, then followed with some big grounding practice. Maybe asking t to spend half and half time? Half on memory bit - half on grounding?

 

[grit]

I notice even posting this is actually talking about it. There could be gazzalion reasons why you are unable to share it with your therapist but one down side of this behavior could be power struggle. I will try to explain. You know how it is generally understood aneroxia is about lack of control in one's life. It could be this your reaction when you lost power in an incident. The only thing you could feel powerful was to control your mind. So you got stuck that moment. The broader issue could be you may inadvertently have some underlying power issues in relationship. You may for example come off too powerful in your head and independent but to others something else.
So trying to keep a secret in therapy when it is so high on the conciousness may appear almost teasing, or mind game.
I am trying to give you the down side of this behaviour. You may want to change your goal from I was afraid to how would my life look like if I release the tension of keeping sharing my story which you are already here in this post.
The tension is more about the idea you are unable to share But yet you are. That is oxymoron.
Look out to what you could do with all the energy released by becoming congruent in the present about your thoughts and actions.

I hope you take this comment with the kindness I wrote so you see some hope out of this bind.
I want to add I truly feel that you are about to regain the empowerment you lost in this trauma if you go through sharing it in a safe space with a supportive person. The fear is you may lose again your power but I think you will regain your power by releasing the grip from this person on your psyche.
All the best in processing this painful part of your history.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you @grit. I’m not sure I fully followed what you were saying but I think I kind of understand.

I did email therapist with some of my feelings about that incident and better explained why I’m struggling to talk about it.

I think there are two problems. One is that by writing it, typing it, or saying it, that will make it more real. Now it’s just an image that runs through my head. Getting it out means really acknowledging it happened. I’m scared of the feelings that will come with that.

I’m also scared of what he or anyone else (like here) would think of me. You guys and therapist have never been judgmental, but it’s still a fear I have. Judgment or pity...

 

[grit]

I’m also scared of what he or anyone else (like here) would think of me. You guys and therapist have never been judgmental, but it’s still a fear I have. Judgment or pity...

that is also just a thought, and image and no one here will think less of you and if they do, it is their thought and image of themselves. not reflection of you.

I hope you find relief and peace and easy way of recovering from this particular experience.

 

[Freida]

Getting it out means really acknowledging it happened. I’m scared of the feelings that will come with that.

Yep. That took me a long time..like years. I think of it as chipping at an iceberg with an ice pick. Eventually I'll get thru and by the time the landslide happens I'll know how to get out of the way so I don't get smothered

, but it’s still a fear I have. Judgment or pity...

I laugh with love :laugh: because when I wrote my very first post in my diary I was SURE I was going to get kicked off the forum for bringing my nonsense into a place where people had "real" problems.

That or people would pity me....which I could not have tolerated. Fast forward a couple years and I'm still here. Even tho people know the horrible things I've done.

I'm pretty sure that what ever horrible thing you've think you've done someone on this forum has also done. So you're not going to shock us. It's why we are all here- we've finally found people who can understand

 

[Deanna]

I blabbed my secret on the third of fourth time of therapy. I felt so relieved PirateLady. I've been holding that in for too long. My therapist listened.