Processing Trauma without Talking about it

[hithere]

. Is that actually helpful?

it was for me, it took a long time and many attempts to write it out, there are still things I have not processed.

 

[Freida]

But I am holding onto the memory. Everything seems to trigger it. I hear the word “whore” in a tv show... flashback. I see a certain kind of dog... flashback. Everything under the sun makes that memory replay in my head. That’s part of why I kind of feel like I have to tell someone but I just can’t. I wish I knew for sure I could get past this without having to divulge the details or if I’m just prolonging my agony.

stop beating yourself up
What you are working on is a HUGE thing - it's going to take as long as it takes to work thru it. Try this -- Go back thru your journal for just the last couple weeks and pay attention to what you have accomplished. Two months ago you wouldn't have been able to talk about any of this. Now you are having conversations about the bigger picture both here AND at your Ts office.

I think you might be trying to smash a mosquito with a sledgehammer by trying to jump right into the really bad stuff.
Maybe it would be better to pick out just one or two parts of the memory that aren't as bad to talk about? Talk about what the room looked like. Talk about what the weather was that day. Talk about what you were wearing. Talk about what you were doing earlier in the day - were you at school, with friends, playing with the dog?

That might be a better way to lead into the bad bad. Kind of coming at it from the edges in rather than the center out?

 

[piratelady]

Maybe it would be better to pick out just one or two parts of the memory that aren't as bad to talk about?

I think this is what I don’t understand. In therapy, we don’t talk about the actual memory at all. We talk about it not being my fault (specifically, him trying to get me to believe that). We dint talk about what happened.

But that’s what’s going over and over through my head. The details of what happened not my guilt about it. How do I shut off the damn auto-replay of the events of that day?

 

[Chris-duck]

I think this is what I don’t understand. In therapy, we don’t talk about the actual memory at all. We talk about it not being my fault (specifically, him trying to get me to believe that). We dint talk about what happened.

I think I get this. Like people have a general idea of what happened and are like there's *no way* it's your fault. But you (plural) don't really talk about the full story of what actually happened so it always feels a bit like "yeah I get how nobody could be at fault for that. But you dunno the full facts so um..?"

I'm not sure how to get past that though, if I have it right for you, other than saying the reason you blame yourself and still have nobody else blame you.

 

[Tinyflame]

How do I shut off the damn auto-replay of the events of that day?

I heard it said by a clinician in Ireland it's something to do with how we view some part of the narrative, and some (relatively) small detail that has to be noticed/ changed- added in. But I can't remember how. Maybe I can find it again.

 

[Freida]

How do I shut off the damn auto-replay of the events of that day?

You talk about it. It doesn't do him any good to tell you it's not your fault because you believe it is. But -- when you talk about what actually happened then they can walk you thru WHY it's not your fault. Does that make sense?