Christians Unite!

[Changing4Best]

I love that thought of God being close to our lips when we pray. I imagine that means He is inside my mind when I pray silently, which I do often.

 

[Tinyflame]

Something occurred to me, hope this makes sense.

1. I recopied words the other day that were, "Love only has 1 meaning'. (Then.. )
2. I thought too, "God is love".
3. I thought last night, the saying about what/ who kills your soul, not just your body. And how re: SI, it doesn't register as myself being much of a loss.
4. I remember once risking my life for an object, one between me and God, not a sentimental-past valued thing, ie not valued because of sentiment (I actually nearly left one sort of like that behind).
5. Today is for Archangels, they referenced the Raphael one in the Bible, name meaning amongst other things, "God heals". And how at least 2 in the story wanted the end of their lives. And lots dying around them, and crises, and despair, and hopelessness.

And I thought, in conclusion, what exactly am I battling here? Oh, I can say depression, or mental illness, or ptsd, or physiological difficulties, or/ (and)....
But really, for whatever whole combination there is, and that is relevant of course, SI takes 'what is' and turns thoughts to "what if (here is a solution)'. Which is really the trouble. And contrary to love (God). Not saying from a religious perspective- it just is. It's desperate, but it's not loving. (No one would say, under most circumstances, "I love you- go kill yourself". It's contrary to wanting people to heal, be at peace, get relief, get solutions, stay with them, have them there. Etc).

Probably silly and not good at words but that's what I thought.

 

[Tinyflame]

It occurred to me, I think I don't quite understand, though I do but.., why they say 'God" is all-serene. I think I finally get why I don't "get it"- because it says in the Bible 'Jesus cried" (& there it wasn't even for himself). I think those are the words that always had the biggest impression on me, and supposedly it's the shortest line. Because knowing everything was or would be ok, he felt badly for them, because they felt so badly, I mean in their sorrow He shared their sorrow, too. So serene, but - connected. Because how could a God with a limitlessly Big Heart not feel? That never could make common sense to me. Especially being Love, by definition. Tbh, I know nothing, but I think that is closer to correct, though, well what do I know. But I think so.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think this is 'our' saint, and for all struggling to persevere, and for hope:

Fr. Emil Kapaun, The Saint of the Foxhole:

 

[Changing4Best]

It is good to have one's own religious hero. Mine is Jesus.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Changing4Best .. I like this song:

It's funny, I was trying to find which one it was, and I found these 2 (too): the 1st I loved a long time, the 2nd is probably how I feel now as life goes:

Hugs to you. :hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

Thanks for sharing @Tinyflame

 

[OpenForSuggestions]

Someone probably covered this already, but my problem/trauma specifically happened on a mission trip. I'm dealing heavily with issues such as feelings of abandonment by God, helplessness, etc. etc. Since then, I've had experiences where God healed my trust in many areas and just was so wonderful and loving, but I feel like I'm just continuously re-experiencing the other of the 2 big areas.

I'm not sure what to do, because missionaries never talk about their honest experiences, don't want to upset others, don't want to feel like they're being disloyal. Literally, it felt like coming back from a war. There are specific aspects of a mission trip that are unique and I've only encountered in articles written by other ppl who had trauma from mission trips. Maybe just prayers, healing of pain and healing of trust. For the problem not to be a problem anymore.

 

[Changing4Best]

Someone probably covered this already, but my problem/trauma specifically happened on a mission trip. I'm dealing heavily with issues such as feelings of abandonment by God, helplessness, etc. etc. Since then, I've had experiences where God healed my trust in many areas and just was so wonderful and loving, but I feel like I'm just continuously re-experiencing the other of the 2 big areas.

I'm not sure what to do, because missionaries never talk about their honest experiences, don't want to upset others, don't want to feel like they're being disloyal. Literally, it felt like coming back from a war. There are specific aspects of a mission trip that are unique and I've only encountered in articles written by other ppl who had trauma from mission trips. Maybe just prayers, healing of pain and healing of trust. For the problem not to be a problem anymore.

Actually, I don't recall anyone here having covered this topic, but now that you have brought it up, maybe someone will be able to share their experiences with you. I sure hope so anyway. Welcome here though, it might be nice to hear about some of the nicer experiences of your mission trips. Only if you are in the mood to share them though. Please do not feel pressured.

 

[Friday]

I'm not sure what to do, because missionaries never talk about their honest experiences, don't want to upset others, don't want to feel like they're being disloyal.

I’m unaffiliated... but the single most in depth intake interview I’ve ever done was with an LDS therapist. Because their “gettin to knoooooow you” paperwork is designed with elders returning from their missions in mind. Who are posted to 3rd world countries in conflict, in famine, developing nations, etc. on a fair regular basis. So not just the sexual assault and domestic violence and child abuse and car accidents common in 1st world countries, but armed conflict, kidnap&ransom, epidemics & pandemics, starvation, natural disaster, injury/maiming/death oh my. This is a very shortened list. They booked 3 hours for the intake, misunderstanding that I wasn’t a returning missionary with trauma up to my eyeballs. But I was a combat vet & aid worker, with trauma up to my eyeballs, and was asked detailed questions even the VA should take freaking note on. It was hands down the BEST 60 second Shakespeare of my life I’ve ever come across.

So that might be one avenue to explore?

 

[Ronin]

I'm dealing heavily with issues such as feelings of abandonment by God, helplessness, etc. etc.

Youre not disloyal... Literally went thousands of miles from home to spread faith, thats the definition of loyal.

Think Christians admire people like you, at least those I met have.

IDK if this would help... But it wasnt God who hurt you, it was people, God never wanted this.

 

[hithere]

I can undrestand what it's like to feel like G-d doesn't care about me at all, and even that I've lost my faith entirely. It's very depressing and lonely.

I was only in a third world country for a short time as a missionary, and it was during a civil war, and the people were dirt-ass poor and babes dying in women's arms and the police were dangerous! I don't know what your trauma entails and if it entails betrayal from those in authority or not. Feeling like returning from a war is because you were in a war. As a missionary I could feel the under current of war, it's wearing. If you have a caring heart it is overwhelming to see death like that and mama's who look so broken. Plus, there is nothing to remind of the states, little things like m and m's candy is a treasure.

I hope you can actually get an opportunity and can talk with another missionary about your experience, someone within your org who can validate you and help comfort you. I understand feeling disloyal to the team, -- for example in my sect I don't like to tell anyone I'm hurting or I'll get the whole "well if you believed and trusted G-d you wouldn't be hurting," or some such nonesense. This scripture really spoke to me, it's when Paul was a prisoner and writing from prison. He said he prayed for comfort and G-d sent Titus to him. 2 cor 1:4 If the hero Paul needed another human being to feel comforted then it's ok if that is my desire. Yes, G-d is enough, but we're created for relationship-so comfort from a real live living breathing human is ok to desire. I'll pray someone come into your life that you can talk with. stay strong.