The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[Freida]

but don't think the "gender pay gap" is legal, even tho

Sadly it is completely legal here. So is only giving employees 39 hours a week instead of 40 -- Because the employer has to offer benefits at 40 so that's how the get away with not doing it That's across the board..for.men and women.

t I won't adhere to the doctrine that doesn't acknowledge that disadvantage and victimization are not gender

True...it's about People being victimized - not gender. But there is always a backlash to change so now is seems there's more and more of this...

It feels like a movement of spoilt women who can never get enough power and preferential treatment, while completely ignoring how much women are catered for and to, in our society.

Honestly I think that's what kinda flipped my bitch switch :). I am not a spoilt women and I've never been catered to or demanded power and preferential treatment because I'm female. I've worked damn hard to fight to prove my worth and against the gender bias and still lost opportunities simply because I'm a woman. Its just how it works here..still..in 2019. Which sucks.

I just hate this idea that one side has to suffer more than the other to be considered worthy of help. We could break it down into sub sections of sub sections...there is always some one who has it worse. It's like ptsd - we all have trauma- we don't compare who has it worse. We try to change the environment itself.

that's what we should be doing with this. Make it better for all of us. And just like we shouldn't blame all men for the actions of the asshats...we can't blame all women who are trying to change the status quo the right way for the actions of the feminazis.

p, I was pointing out that women have sexual power, we are not inherently victims.

I gotta admit I don't want women to think their only power comes from sex. I'd much rather have my nieces think they can grow up and have good lives because they are smart - not because they are sexy.

 

[Freida]

ow do I become an empowered women when I am so alienated by and from my female family members?

You find new friends who think like you do....or if they don't they love you anyway! Like me!! :hug:

We don't have to always agree....but we do always have to care for each other even when we don't agree

ETA. I'm glad you are angry!!! You should be!

 

[mumstheword]

Sadly it is completely legal here. So is only giving employees 39 hours a week instead of 40 -- Because the employer has to offer benefits at 40 so that's how the get away with not doing it That's across the board..for.men and women.

True...it's about People being victimized - not gender. But there is always a backlash to change so now is seems there's more and more of this...

Honestly I think that's what kinda flipped my bitch switch :). I am not a spoilt women and I've never been catered to or demanded power and preferential treatment because I'm female. I've worked damn hard to fight to prove my worth and against the gender bias and still lost opportunities simply because I'm a woman. Its just how it works here..still..in 2019. Which sucks.

I just hate this idea that one side has to suffer more than the other to be considered worthy of help. We could break it down into sub sections of sub sections...there is always some one who has it worse. It's like ptsd - we all have trauma- we don't compare who has it worse. We try to change the environment itself.

that's what we should be doing with this. Make it better for all of us. And just like we shouldn't blame all men for the actions of the asshats...we can't blame all women who are trying to change the status quo the right way for the actions of the feminazis.


I gotta admit I don't want women to think their only power comes from sex. I'd much rather have my nieces think they can grow up and have good lives because they are smart - not because they are sexy.

Me too, but I don't think harsh realities should be ignored either.
Life and people and society can suck in all kinds of ways.
I don't think sex or sexual allure should be used the way it is, all over the shop, I'm kinda old fashioned, I think women should be treated with respect and not seen as sex "things" but that's never going to happen.

I don't think anybody SHOULD be treated or looked at like that, but shallow people and narcy people and immature people are not going away in a hurry and as it is, we, women wield a lot more power than feminism would have us admit to, some women do, anyway, some of us refuse to operate that way, you and me have integrity and want to earn respect and use our human skills, and not be manipulative.

I am very bad at using feminine wiles to manipulate, and I think it's just a crappy way to act, anyway, and I've raised my girls to be honest and straightforward and never to abuse their power but I won't raise them to deny it either, as that could possibly lead them to use it in ways that are not integrity or miss out on natural advantages like I did.

I was always too eager to give myself away for nothing, asking for nothing, nor valuing myself nor availing myself in smart ways. I wasn't made aware that I had any power at all, nor was I made aware that I was attractive or desirable or valuable.

I want my girls to know that they are, to value everything about themselves and to be aware of how things actually are and not be disadvantaged like I was for so long.

One of my daughter's designs and makes clothes and is now working really a lot to value herself and be very discerning regarding sexuality, jobs, boundaries, money and is waiting for certainty and not selling herself short.

The other just finished school, is in a stable relationship with a good guy and is learning to be a pizza maker (a better paid position than her current role at a pizzeria). She has her yr 12 formal, which is equivalent to your prom night, tonight.

I don't think you are spoilt @Freida, you are the opposite of spoilt.
You don't man shame, you don't scapegoat men, you don't play the victim. Those of us here have actually been victimized, in ways that the kinds of women I'm talking about would never have. We know shame, whereas they politize victimization, we have lived it, and we know victimization doesn't have a gender, not in this culture, anyway. Women who are forced to marry when they are children, in cultures where that is legal? Different story.
It's about policy and ours should be merit based in my opinion and it should let women be as feminine as they want, without shame (which I didn't get, hard arsed feminists looked down on me, because I had a lot of children, even though I was a very skilled and prolific performance artist/musician. Because I chose to "breed" I was a failed feminist) and men shouldn't be shamed for being as masculine as they want to be. Simple as that. Undermining masculinity in men and femininity in women is toxic, in my opinion.

 

[mumstheword]

I think I HELLA scared of my new T.
TERRIFIED.
I really, really am.
I waiting to be shamed.
Waiting to be held down and made to feel bad about myself.
Thinking I will be punished. Made to feel worthless, more of a failure than I already feel, about myself. Waiting to be condemned.
It is defs partly the being English thing, partly being an academic, and she is just reminding me too much of hurtful, female family members, mainly my mum, but also grandmothers, and shaming feminists, who really despise actual femininity and they, themselves judge it as inferior.

I am really a very feminine person, not someone who has had the aggression, pushiness, or level of confidence to succeed in the world. I am not weak though, just not "worldly" tough.

I had all my babies on the road, in carparks, in bush shacks, in someones freezing bathroom, then the last two in houses. I did it myself. I didn't have drugs, midwives, doctors, I did it myself. That is not weak, but it's not worldly success, not job acumen, not "accomplishment" other than in a very feminine way.

 

[Freida]

That is not weak, but it's not worldly success, not job acumen, not "accomplishment" other than in a very feminine way.

I am really a very feminine person, not someone who has had the aggression, pushiness, or level of confidence to succeed in the world. I am not weak though, just not "worldly" tough.

I think you are way more successful and way tougher than you realize. I'm professionally successful but I'm in total awe of what you've done in your life and how you held it together for all those years and against the odds that you were up against.

I wish you could see yourself like much of the rest of the world does - as an amazing survivor. It makes me so sad that the extreme feminist view is the one that you are most familiar with because these kind of hate groups have such a huge negative impact on those around them -on both their followers and their enemies.

Are women and men both treated badly? Yep. But I think what sucks is that the hate groups take that concept and use it to spread more hate rather than working on the actual problem. The goal of extremists is to convince you that you don't matter, or that you deserved what happened to you, or that you are to blame for whatever they are fighting against. But they are wrong. They are ALWAYS wrong. That's why they are such a huge part of the bigger problem.

You are worth so much more than they want you to believe. Now I just have to get you to see that! :hug:

Oh - I I'm betting your t is excited she finally has someone interesting to work with! My T has told me that -- she loves it when someone comes in her door who forces her to really use her skills and education rather than someone coming in to whine about a sunny day.

she is just reminding me too much of hurtful, female family members, mainly my mum, but also grandmothers, and shaming feminists, who really despise actual femininity and they, themselves judge it as inferior.

I wonder -- will working with someone who triggers you help you see that there are women out there who won't do those things, who won't shame you this way? If she shows you the opposite behavior than what you are expecting or what you are used to?

 

[mumstheword]

I think you are way more successful and way tougher than you realize. I'm professionally successful but I'm in total awe of what you've done in your life and how you held it together for all those years and against the odds that you were up against.

I wish you could see yourself like much of the rest of the world does - as an amazing survivor. It makes me so sad that the extreme feminist view is the one that you are most familiar with because these kind of hate groups have such a huge negative impact on those around them -on both their followers and their enemies.

Are women and men both treated badly? Yep. But I think what sucks is that the hate groups take that concept and use it to spread more hate rather than working on the actual problem. The goal of extremists is to convince you that you don't matter, or that you deserved what happened to you, or that you are to blame for whatever they are fighting against. But they are wrong. They are ALWAYS wrong. That's why they are such a huge part of the bigger problem.

You are worth so much more than they want you to believe. Now I just have to get you to see that! :hug:

Oh - I I'm betting your t is excited she finally has someone interesting to work with! My T has told me that -- she loves it when someone comes in her door who forces her to really use her skills and education rather than someone coming in to whine about a sunny day.


I wonder -- will working with someone who triggers you help you see that there are women out there who won't do those things, who won't shame you this way? If she shows you the opposite behavior than what you are expecting or what you are used to?

Thank you @Freida :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:.
Such a huge compliment that you think me "interesting" because I respect you and what you think, so.much.

It's bringing me to tears.

I woke up to my neighbor (the one who gave us such a hard time, who's dogs terrorized our neighborhood, who is an abusive mum) screaming at her, son, who is my son's age -14 screaming "eff off" and he was screaming that back to her, so sad.

I put on Christian folksy music, off youtube, very loud. which made my son grumpy, but it helped me.

So, not the best start to my day, but the Christian music made me cry too, in a good way.

My guy and son made up, which is AWESOME!!!!
I'm praying a lot, for my really unwell son's.
This is my life, I wait for my ex to derail our children so badly, that they come to me, and then I do my best to help them put themselves back together again.

Only one on anti-psychotics, so far, no one has killed themselves (miraculously), no one has been incarcerated (touch wood), but they are not out of danger yet, not by a long shot.

Could I stop my ex? No way. He is an expert narcy type. They are formidable. No one "normal" can lie and wreak psychological destruction with such cunning, as them.

But I see him as a frightened man, just like my borderliney neighbor is a frightened woman.

He is, truly, underempowered and used drugs, drug peddling and psychological warfare as his arsenal in his fight, his attempt at "conquest" of his reality and everyone in it.

I am sad for the children, all these suffering young men and boys, here, in my reality; my son's, my neighbor's son's. The future is bleak for them, at least in the near future.

Yes, it is hatefullness, born of fear and lack of sound reasoning, accountability, knowledge and trust in a/the "divine plan".

It is cruelty that doesn't even acknowledge that's what it is. Fear that ignores "the greater reality" of love and truth.

And while I utter such supercilious utterances, I hide in my woman-cave. Feeling superior much? What a hypocrite.

I am not going down there, I am not brave enough to go down and visit my boy's at their Dad's (well, actually, I did the other day, twice actually, but still, I should have the guts to go down more and parent my hurting and very unwell man-children.).

I am not reaching out to my neighbor to offer support, because, obviously, she is struggling with single parenting two boys.

I am not even leaving my women-cave, most days, for anything.

I am selfishly practising yoga and I am back here, pretending to have answers, to have worth, to be someone who helps, but in reality, I am a frightened, beaten-down child, myself, scared, so scared of other people.

So, what do I take into my T's office next week? Next monday? -the birthday of my 23 year old, which is timely.

My oldest just had his, last week and I fell apart a bit, that day and for a few days.

It will be the anniversary of my 4th baby in 5 years, I was 22. Born on the road, in the carpark of a campground.

My beautiful, really, really, beautiful boy (seriously, he is model-level gorgeous-looking, and a vegan, because his heart is so tender for the suffering of other's) .. crying now, hard to see what I'm doing through the tears ...My beautiful, beautiful boy, who has and is hurting SO MUCH, who has so much to deal with.

It's so unfair, he was fighting everyday, to not throw himself off a building or a bridge, in Melbourne, last week (he us back now) because he doesn't want to cause us, his loved ones, any more pain, and he comes back to his big brother, in the midst of a psychotic break.....and his mum, who claims to love him, won't come down and rescue and take care of them both.

I just sit here, feeling a little superior to my angry, yelly, abuse-screaming neighbors and my ex, who is actually down their, giving my poor boys a roof over their heads....oh, no, another angry, abuse-yelling, screamathon...the ice-dealer guy in the corner house, probably terrorising his missus and three tiny boys again, although she certainly knows how to scream back and give those tiny boys some shit... sigh

Ok, I'm gonna ring my son.

Update; I just called my beautiful middle child son, who will be 24 on monday, and he was happy!!!! :-) :-) :-) :-)
He is off to a music festival with a bunch of really good friends :-) he is hyped, positive and excited.:-)

I am relieved. I have been praying hard, for him (and my currently-really cray cray older son).

It is time for that boy to have a positive, healing, joyous time. He's had a really, really awful year.

He finally came to me, in desperation and misery and I think that that helped.

At least, having this god-awful condition, I get so much about what he is going through. That seems to be one upside of this shitty thing we call PTSD.

 

[mumstheword]

I think you are way more successful and way tougher than you realize. I'm professionally successful but I'm in total awe of what you've done in your life and how you held it together for all those years and against the odds that you were up against.

I wish you could see yourself like much of the rest of the world does - as an amazing survivor. It makes me so sad that the extreme feminist view is the one that you are most familiar with because these kind of hate groups have such a huge negative impact on those around them -on both their followers and their enemies.

Are women and men both treated badly? Yep. But I think what sucks is that the hate groups take that concept and use it to spread more hate rather than working on the actual problem. The goal of extremists is to convince you that you don't matter, or that you deserved what happened to you, or that you are to blame for whatever they are fighting against. But they are wrong. They are ALWAYS wrong. That's why they are such a huge part of the bigger problem.

You are worth so much more than they want you to believe. Now I just have to get you to see that! :hug:

Oh - I I'm betting your t is excited she finally has someone interesting to work with! My T has told me that -- she loves it when someone comes in her door who forces her to really use her skills and education rather than someone coming in to whine about a sunny day.


I wonder -- will working with someone who triggers you help you see that there are women out there who won't do those things, who won't shame you this way? If she shows you the opposite behavior than what you are expecting or what you are used to?

In answer to that last question. I hope so.

That is why I'm going back to her.

I want to persist and see where it takes me. I want to do the "exposure therapy" thing and push through and desensitize and challenge my distorted perceptions and trigger-happy nervous system.

I want to prove myself wrong.

I really, really hope I do.

 

[mumstheword]

This is my favourite guided restorative yoga tutorial, so far. I love, love, LOVE it!!!!

Restorative yoga - YouTube

 

[mumstheword]

This is my favourite guided restorative yoga tutorial, so far. I love, love, LOVE it!!!!

Restorative yoga - YouTube

God!!! I love restorative yoga SO MUCH! I am looking up restorative yoga teacher training. Seriously...the world needs more restorative yoga.
Justing signing up to an awesome looking teacher in New York, Jillian Prensky's email list. OMG to go study with her looks SO AWESOME!!!!

 

[mumstheword]

So, I'm entertaining this notion of my own worth....of maybe, just maybe, you are right @Freida. Maybe I DO contribute enough, am enough, need to just trust that and relearn the friendliness of the world.
After all, I say that it is important for my daughters to know THEIR own worth and then, I put myself down. I don't have the compassion for myself that I happily, give others.
I focus on suffering, when that is only a small part of life's grandness.

I focus on contempt, I've internalized the contempt that I was taught and subject to, for so, so long and I forget that I'm a loving being of huge capacity to give, to nurture, to support, to inspire, to honour, to connect.
I superimpose my yesterdays onto tomorrow, as I go around tellings others that that is not the way forward.

And I judge myself for needing this down time, this quiet time, this reflective, sabbatical-type time, this sanctuary to regain my barings, adjust myself, recalibrate, lick wounds and reassess....where am I going?

Somewhere safe and softer, quieter, nurturing for the souls like me, that need that, somewhere reflective, self aware, somewhere that honours body and soul, and the soul's inevitable journey on from here, somewhere that gives rest, sanctuary, restoration, healing.

That is what I want to do, to offer, to move towards, to provide and to learn to be more of, to actualize "restoration".

 

[Freida]

I I'm a loving being of huge capacity to give, to nurture, to support, to inspire, to honour, to connect.

Yes!!! this!!!! ^^^^^

Somewhere safe and softer, quieter, nurturing for the souls like me, that need that, somewhere reflective, self aware, somewhere that honours body and soul, and the soul's inevitable journey on from here, somewhere that gives rest, sanctuary, restoration, healing.

That is what I want to do, to offer, to move towards, to provide and to learn to be more of, to actualize "restoration".

And this!!!!! :hug:

 

[Sideways]

I love restorative yoga SO MUCH! I am looking up restorative yoga teacher training. Seriously...the world needs more restorative yoga.

Love this.

When you find something that brings you both calm and joy? That's gotta be worth investing time in, because you deserve that:)