so as i mentioned briefly on a previous thread, i don't have the best relationship with my parents (would like to clarify here that they were never abusive).
if i went into my entire life story and how invalidating of my emotions my parents have been, we'd be here all day, so instead i'll just list things.
1. when i told my parents i was suicidal, they told me i was too young to feel that way and that what i was feeling wasn't real. i begged to see someone because i was terrified of hurting myself but they refused
2. learned to shut my feelings away and let them fester until they boiled over, and then would get yelled at once they did.
3. as a child i was unable to confide in anyone because telling people how i felt would be a burden to them and i feared rejection or invalidation (still do)
4. my parents are extremely overprotective. i'm already in my junior year of high school and i can barely do anything for myself because my parents have raised me to be codependent and don't really let me make decisions on my own. i always have to double check with them, when i go out with friends they always have to be in the same vicinity. i know they're just looking out for me but it's embarrassing.
5. all my parents care about are my grades. they only really ever ask me questions like "how'd you do on that test" "how did your math quiz go" "did your grade for that project come in yet" "what'd you get on your english essay" "why do you have a B- in science right now" or say things like "you better be going in for extra help" "i'm forcing you to participate in this because it'll look good on your college resume" "you can't be inactive for a semester, colleges won't like that" "you can manage it, you just need to be better at time management"
6. extreme emotions are excessive. especially anger. if i showed anger or even frustration my parents would lecture me for having a bad attitude. instead of learning how to cope with those emotions i learned to lock them away. now, when i get angry, it's explosive anger and i lash out at people. i can't control it.
7. realized during sessions with my therapist that this is why when my PTSD gets triggered, my instinctive reaction is shutting down. because i learned from my parents that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and that if people find out they'll think less of me.
8. speaking of my therapist, after she first diagnosed me with PTSD, i told my mother what she had said. but all she said was, "okay but that wasn't an official diagnosis, right? you've just got symptoms, that doesn't mean you actually have it." i haven't told her anything regarding it since.
8. could no longer tell my parents anything after a while because i realized that i was only setting myself up for disappointment, and that the reaction i'd get wouldn't be the reaction i'd want. i became afraid of asking for help. eventually this evolved into me getting extremely irritable whenever they ask me about how my day went or something random like that
9. one time i finally opened up to my mom about how i felt they didn't believe me when i told them i was depressed until i began hurting myself. then she started crying, saying things like "how DARE you tell me something like that" "i can't believe you would think that we didn't believe you, because of course we did" "if we didn't believe you, we wouldn't have gotten you a therapist in the first place"
10. my parents make a habit of telling me how i feel, and how i'm supposed to feel. i told them that even after getting better sleep for three months nothing has changed and that i need to see the psychiatrist again. but they said "no, you're better now. you don't need medication." i still haven't seen her, and it's been 7 months. i was supposed to go back after 3.
11. my parents are adamant on me not getting any medication. i don't know why but they really don't want me to.
i think they're in denial. but i just really need advice as to how to get them to understand me a little bit better. all i really asked of them throughout this whole process is their support, but they didn't even really offer me that. i don't know what i should do. i know it won't change overnight but this is something that's been going on for years, since i was in 6th grade, and it's a lot more painful than i initially thought it was. sorry for just uploading my whole life story on here. i know it's a lot and i'm sorry for that, but even a little bit of advice would help
if i went into my entire life story and how invalidating of my emotions my parents have been, we'd be here all day, so instead i'll just list things.
1. when i told my parents i was suicidal, they told me i was too young to feel that way and that what i was feeling wasn't real. i begged to see someone because i was terrified of hurting myself but they refused
2. learned to shut my feelings away and let them fester until they boiled over, and then would get yelled at once they did.
3. as a child i was unable to confide in anyone because telling people how i felt would be a burden to them and i feared rejection or invalidation (still do)
4. my parents are extremely overprotective. i'm already in my junior year of high school and i can barely do anything for myself because my parents have raised me to be codependent and don't really let me make decisions on my own. i always have to double check with them, when i go out with friends they always have to be in the same vicinity. i know they're just looking out for me but it's embarrassing.
5. all my parents care about are my grades. they only really ever ask me questions like "how'd you do on that test" "how did your math quiz go" "did your grade for that project come in yet" "what'd you get on your english essay" "why do you have a B- in science right now" or say things like "you better be going in for extra help" "i'm forcing you to participate in this because it'll look good on your college resume" "you can't be inactive for a semester, colleges won't like that" "you can manage it, you just need to be better at time management"
6. extreme emotions are excessive. especially anger. if i showed anger or even frustration my parents would lecture me for having a bad attitude. instead of learning how to cope with those emotions i learned to lock them away. now, when i get angry, it's explosive anger and i lash out at people. i can't control it.
7. realized during sessions with my therapist that this is why when my PTSD gets triggered, my instinctive reaction is shutting down. because i learned from my parents that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and that if people find out they'll think less of me.
8. speaking of my therapist, after she first diagnosed me with PTSD, i told my mother what she had said. but all she said was, "okay but that wasn't an official diagnosis, right? you've just got symptoms, that doesn't mean you actually have it." i haven't told her anything regarding it since.
8. could no longer tell my parents anything after a while because i realized that i was only setting myself up for disappointment, and that the reaction i'd get wouldn't be the reaction i'd want. i became afraid of asking for help. eventually this evolved into me getting extremely irritable whenever they ask me about how my day went or something random like that
9. one time i finally opened up to my mom about how i felt they didn't believe me when i told them i was depressed until i began hurting myself. then she started crying, saying things like "how DARE you tell me something like that" "i can't believe you would think that we didn't believe you, because of course we did" "if we didn't believe you, we wouldn't have gotten you a therapist in the first place"
10. my parents make a habit of telling me how i feel, and how i'm supposed to feel. i told them that even after getting better sleep for three months nothing has changed and that i need to see the psychiatrist again. but they said "no, you're better now. you don't need medication." i still haven't seen her, and it's been 7 months. i was supposed to go back after 3.
11. my parents are adamant on me not getting any medication. i don't know why but they really don't want me to.
i think they're in denial. but i just really need advice as to how to get them to understand me a little bit better. all i really asked of them throughout this whole process is their support, but they didn't even really offer me that. i don't know what i should do. i know it won't change overnight but this is something that's been going on for years, since i was in 6th grade, and it's a lot more painful than i initially thought it was. sorry for just uploading my whole life story on here. i know it's a lot and i'm sorry for that, but even a little bit of advice would help