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- #4,945
littleoc
VIP Member
It totally is. I’m gonna say what it thinks here so that I can prove from my logical brain, in writing, that I am not responsible in any way, even by fearing I won’t sound sad enough if I do it.
So a bit ago I saw a deer hit by a truck. The truck driver actually fled the scene for some reason, and the deer was so mangled that I thought for a moment it was a dog. Some gore here, so skip to the next paragraph if you wanna avoid that, here’s an extra line for you to remember to skip this part: the back legs were flattened and ripped off, the chest opened a little from the crushing pressure (like when you pop open a chip bag), neck and jaw in weird positions, bones sticking out of the limbs. Guts remarkable intact despite not being within their cavities! Obviously a quick death,
so this sight by itself wasn’t troubling. More like, it was sad because other deer were still waiting around the area, had to call cops to get this deer, and — you know, a deer died. Sad.
But of course my brain suddenly remembered that 18 year old I saw get hit by a car while riding her bike, and my brain was very calming going, “Yep. Weird how deer and humans look the same with their bones out like that.” Not horrifying in the moment, just a fact. Although, like I said, it did unnerve me a bit and it took me five minutes to remember to actually call the cops.
My brain told me I could not share this information or else I would curse someone to this death.
Which, unfortunately, happened. The police officer is now dead. He was hit by a car at 70mph, though, so it was probably very quick.
Oof that guilt just typing that is crippling which is WILD because I did not even hit anyone myself, nor do I have any superpower that would cause this to happen! I hear the woman who did hit him is utterly distraught and I feel terrible for her too. And the 3-year-old and wife this officer left behind.
I need to figure out why my brain thinks it’s cursing people to death. I was around a LOT of death growing up but I don’t believe that’s the issue? My mom survived murder attempts and terminal cancer while I was growing up, but I also saw relatives starve to death or slowly have their bodies die in other horrible ways because it was illegal for the doctors to help them die any faster. I think, more related, that having my friends die while I grew up did more — Shay, for example (who died about ten years ago), I dreamed her death like a week before it happened and I’m still feeling like I could have stopped her mom from having to see her body. Her wailing haunts me. I should visit her but I don’t feel close enough to do so.
Anyway, yeah, I have no idea why my brain is this convinced. The non-logical part of my brain is very OCD-wired, which may be the problem. It’s difficult to communicate to the part of the brain that can language a little, but not logic.
I’m glad the officer isn’t suffering but I’m worried about what his wife may have seen or been told. I remember with the 18-year-old, she was so injured that there wasn’t even blood. I mean, there was, but that wasn’t the major thing. It was bones. And stuff. I’m AMAZED she lived!! She’s still alive, I hear!! I’m glad I was there.
Anyway. Back to final projects! I had a fever for a few days but I took a flu test and it came back negative. Unusually bad cold, probably because my bosses insisted I needed to come in. I hope I gave them this cold, lol. (They’re still cool people anyway. They have a bad habit of implying no one is doing enough but hey, at least they aren’t abusive. It’s legal in this state, so. They’re actually pretty fun tho!) Problem is, I think my mom got it and obviously that’s an issue. At least it’s not flu.
I did get vaccinated though, and I got her vaccinated. My nephews aren’t vaccinated yet though. My twin bro is an anti-vaxxer so I may convince them to not come meet me until after this deadly flu season wavers a bit!
So a bit ago I saw a deer hit by a truck. The truck driver actually fled the scene for some reason, and the deer was so mangled that I thought for a moment it was a dog. Some gore here, so skip to the next paragraph if you wanna avoid that, here’s an extra line for you to remember to skip this part: the back legs were flattened and ripped off, the chest opened a little from the crushing pressure (like when you pop open a chip bag), neck and jaw in weird positions, bones sticking out of the limbs. Guts remarkable intact despite not being within their cavities! Obviously a quick death,
so this sight by itself wasn’t troubling. More like, it was sad because other deer were still waiting around the area, had to call cops to get this deer, and — you know, a deer died. Sad.
But of course my brain suddenly remembered that 18 year old I saw get hit by a car while riding her bike, and my brain was very calming going, “Yep. Weird how deer and humans look the same with their bones out like that.” Not horrifying in the moment, just a fact. Although, like I said, it did unnerve me a bit and it took me five minutes to remember to actually call the cops.
My brain told me I could not share this information or else I would curse someone to this death.
Which, unfortunately, happened. The police officer is now dead. He was hit by a car at 70mph, though, so it was probably very quick.
Oof that guilt just typing that is crippling which is WILD because I did not even hit anyone myself, nor do I have any superpower that would cause this to happen! I hear the woman who did hit him is utterly distraught and I feel terrible for her too. And the 3-year-old and wife this officer left behind.
I need to figure out why my brain thinks it’s cursing people to death. I was around a LOT of death growing up but I don’t believe that’s the issue? My mom survived murder attempts and terminal cancer while I was growing up, but I also saw relatives starve to death or slowly have their bodies die in other horrible ways because it was illegal for the doctors to help them die any faster. I think, more related, that having my friends die while I grew up did more — Shay, for example (who died about ten years ago), I dreamed her death like a week before it happened and I’m still feeling like I could have stopped her mom from having to see her body. Her wailing haunts me. I should visit her but I don’t feel close enough to do so.
Anyway, yeah, I have no idea why my brain is this convinced. The non-logical part of my brain is very OCD-wired, which may be the problem. It’s difficult to communicate to the part of the brain that can language a little, but not logic.
I’m glad the officer isn’t suffering but I’m worried about what his wife may have seen or been told. I remember with the 18-year-old, she was so injured that there wasn’t even blood. I mean, there was, but that wasn’t the major thing. It was bones. And stuff. I’m AMAZED she lived!! She’s still alive, I hear!! I’m glad I was there.
Anyway. Back to final projects! I had a fever for a few days but I took a flu test and it came back negative. Unusually bad cold, probably because my bosses insisted I needed to come in. I hope I gave them this cold, lol. (They’re still cool people anyway. They have a bad habit of implying no one is doing enough but hey, at least they aren’t abusive. It’s legal in this state, so. They’re actually pretty fun tho!) Problem is, I think my mom got it and obviously that’s an issue. At least it’s not flu.
I did get vaccinated though, and I got her vaccinated. My nephews aren’t vaccinated yet though. My twin bro is an anti-vaxxer so I may convince them to not come meet me until after this deadly flu season wavers a bit!
