J
James G
Bro...I your just feeling lost, alone, unappreciated, afraid, beat down, ruined forever..all negative thoughts cascading and filling your mind to the point of making you dizzy. I don't think you know where to start and may have these paranoid thoughts as a way of escape or distraction from your more pressing issues that need attention now. Your clearly articulate and educated. You've got value already. I had a friend who locked himself in his home for several months rather than deal with his family issues. I went by to check on him and found him going thru old mail, tax returns, grocery receipts and phone bills...he was so convinced that someone was plotting against him and that he had evidence. He showed me a sku from a 5lb bag of potatoes, an old phone bill and his driver's license that all had the same numbers... numbers that were his old address. I told him that they were the same numbers but what did it mean, who was coming for him and how would they attack him by using his old address in the random items I mentioned. He couldn't tell me and continued to insist it was a plot and they were coming for him. He wasn't dealing with his family issues. He didn't know where to start and so his subconscious set him off on a wild goose chase. You don't want to go there. You know your immediate problem. Forget the blame placing for now. Help yourself. Stand up for yourself. Not against someone who's wronged you. Stand up despite the ones who have wronged you FOR YOURSELF. I know it's tough out here. I'm off and on homeless. I'm hungry all the time. I've been shunned by my family too. They are hurting themselves. It's always the strongest one who is scapegoated. Everyone in this forum will tell you it's true. THAT MEANS YOUR THE STRONG ONE. STOP CARING ABOUT THEM AND CARE ABOUT YOU AND THINGS WILL CHANGE. It's the only way they will. I'm in California and a long way from Illinois. But i offer my compassion from afar and I wish you would stop whining and get busy...?jk. I wish you the best. But it does boil down to stop whining and start making your way down your road. Pick a metaphorical road that the haters in your life are not on. You'll make friend's along the way. Remember to smile, enjoy the moments and have fun.I've been thinking about that a lot actually lately. I grew up in a very religious cult environment so its very possible they have connections. I have seen various people from my church that I don't exactly know well all of a sudden just show up to where I which waa really suspicious. That has never happened before until I caused a shitstorm in my family last year. They keep tabs on me like a f*cking coyote chasing a deer. Its beyond insane. Every sentence that ever came out of there mouth was to milk me for information about where I'm going or what I'm going to be doing at all hours of the day. I'm getting off track here, but as far as connections I know my mother is a director at Kindercare. I don't know much else. She has full control of everyone financially (which is beyond scary) My parents both tried getting Power of Attourney over me and then tried to get it financially, but ultimately failed. They're and have literally tried to turn me into their puppet, its truly terrifying when you're currently living an actual horror movie and the worst part is everyone just labels you as "mentally ill". Anyway back to the topic at hand my dad used to