How Do You Ask For Help When Can't?

[Ronin]

How do you ask for help when you can't ask for help?

No idea where this belongs...
But prolly avoidance. ;) Given I just want all the things to go the hell away.

Fast as f*ck finding all the reasons everything's fine (Had worse. Bugger off. <smile>. / It's not like I'm stuck somewhere stupid. 1st world bloody problem. Shut up self. / Stop worrying people. And altogether shut it with the drama.)

So IDK. Figured I'd at least check out how other people do things.

Probably should has longer context but I'm bit spent / just to ask this much sent my head swimming.

 

[osiris]

No advice because in my case I don’t ask for help. Avoidance rules.
Hope you get some answers.

 

[Teasel]

For me most important is to have written down what I'm asking help for. As in the presence of others I lose my voice and attempts to ask for help become a comedy of errors.

Other help is baby steps, as they help break through total avoidance and being stuck and getting nowhere. Ie helps changing the direction of spiralling downwards towards spiralling upwards.

Am needing to ask for help too, have managed some x

:hug:

 

[Skywatcher]

Asking for help feels like there is a whole lot of risk chained around it. Like consequences, bad things, like conditions or ending up as weak as you were in that horrible moment or that time you were ripped away and stuck in that chair, alone.

I can ask my T for a phone call. I never think she’ll actually call, but she does, and it helps. My best friend is good to call for help. She reminds me that it’s okay to take the Xanax that I was staring at for an hour or she may tell me to put the knife away and wait.

 

[mumstheword]

Finding out who is the right person to ask, is a big one for me.
And, knowing you are worth it, working on the self esteem, so feeling worthwhile to ask, and receive.

 

[Rani G2]

just to ask this much sent my head swimming.

swimming in those oceans, getting the head out of water once in a while, getting a lifebelt and a pressure releasing valve as well..?
Detecting my own adaptive survival styles if I can, preferably when my stomach is full and my basic needs are met.
But these theoretical connection style babble wasn’t what you asked for.. so how Do I ask for help?

A mix of adjusting my own antennas/positioning self with a constancy knowing what I need and what I don’t need/ Those who gets what agency means to ME in my Daily struggles..

Could be a pretty slow approach as well..

 

[Mee]

This is so hard isn’t it?

If it’s asking a friend or my partner I try to frame it to myself as I am giving them an opportunity to show me love and support. Most people who care for us WANT to help but we don’t empower them to.

So - then it becomes- who do i trust/ believe cares for me and am I prepared to ‘test’ that and if not why not? Sometimes it’s not about asking for help - most times for me it’s about feeling alone. Which is pretty uncool to my loved ones

 

[Friday]

If I WANT help? I can ask no worries. Hey hey! XYZ this, for me, yeah?

If I NEED help? I can’t ask. I can order other people, and back up those orders with serious consequences, but I cannot ask. I don’t ask someone else to let me breathe. I fight for it. I don’t ask for someone else to stick their hand in a hole and hold the artery. I tell them to do it, and grab them down and stick their hand in, if they balk. Because needs. Needs mean I order it done, and back up words with action.

So... for me? I have to change gears. Switch the need into want.

Which means a lil bit o’ imagination is needed (which can be the hard part for me if I’m stuck in need. Need is right now, life death, black white. It’s immediate, and doesn’t allow for thinking in different directions. Even if it’s not really a need, but stuck in that mindset.). So I usually have to attack it from a few different angles. If I’m completely on my own? I’ve got this. Maybe badly, but there’s no other choice. So needs must. Needs & wants are both the same on my own. Other people are bonus. So to switch a need into a want? First I have to get comfortable in the place where they’re the same thing, and just me. Then? I can extend the circle. Because there are other people. And other people are bonus. Wanted. Not needed. Other people make for BETTER outcomes. Wanted outcomes. Wants. I can work with wants. I want this to happen. Help me make it happen? No? Okay. If I’m on my own I’ve got this. I would PREFER a team, and teamwork, but I can do it on my own. ...but that doesn’t mean I don’t stop looking for a badass team. C’mon team. Pull together.

Secure in myself + building a team = wanting and asking for help.

 

[Ronin]

That might be it @Friday, switches needed.

Given I'll need to read everything you said after that word as trying to co-think as reading as whole stopped being able to read.

 

[Ronin]

swimming in those oceans, getting the head out of water once in a while, getting a lifebelt and a pressure releasing valve as well..?
Detecting my own adaptive survival styles if I can, preferably when my stomach is full and my basic needs are met.
But these theoretical connection style babble wasn’t what you asked for.

:sneaky: Think in images (&moves & otherwise multiD) / translate to words... and you were talking immersive schtuff, not all that theoretical. ;)

Meet needs, at least keep afloat, did.
More like Not *too* drowning (mental), meet needs (soonest).

Just still too 'Multitasking. Mighta steal someone else's floatie. Fck me. How do I *not* drag anyone down by needs? Back to square one / why I asked.' about the first bit.

 

[mumstheword]

:sneaky: Think in images (&moves & otherwise multiD) / translate to words... and you were talking immersive schtuff, not all that theoretical. ;)

Meet needs, at least keep afloat, did.
More like Not *too* drowning (mental), meet needs (soonest).

Just still too 'Multitasking. Mighta steal someone else's floatie. Fck me. How do I *not* drag anyone down by needs? Back to square one / why I asked.' about the first bit.

There are people equipped and up for meeting specific needs. They don't feel "dragged down" coz they are trained life-savers, they learnt how to life save, and they have life guard boats and floats and special buoys with ropes. They have anti- "drag down" measures in place. Not only are they not "dragged down" they LOVE to life save, it's their job of choice and without drowning folk, they couldn't do a job they love.

It's what makes them feel ALIVE to drag folk from rips and dumping waves and too-deep waters and sometimes do CPR - cardio pulmonary resuscitation.

 

[Ronin]

'Xactly...

Need ta not bother people :sneaky: For as long as it takes to have 'nuff energy to sort my shit on my own & be back to not needing bother anyone.