Trusting Your Judgment

[Ronin]

I knooow I been asking too much lately. Cough.

How do you know you can trust your, or someone else's judgment?

Specifics I asking for: Personal &, but issue is involved people all have PTSD. Non-PTSD ones in are not consultable for me for don't trust them for other reasons, yet.

Where I'm very well aware how much the disorder f*cks up perceptually. On the best days.

So need to go by as many not-it factors.
But those I know, for a change, can be well faked, years long.

Hi, trust issues meet harder trust issues. Rock. Meet Place.

So figured fine, think basics that make sense.
That one has quite a few moving parts too, though.

So more of my How Do You's :sneaky:

 

[Rumors]

I basically fake it til I make it. Thats not a good way to temper judgement but it is kind of all I have really bc I don't always have good judgement. Work wise, I do fine. Personal wise, not so much. I give just enough information to stay hooked with said personal judgement until I can formulate the amount of risk I want to take. So, I may take 10% risk with some and 50% with others. The only people I am 90% in with are my therapist, and all in with my kid. No one else gets the all in other than my kid... I have worked up to 90% in with my therapist, then the next closest thing are my good friends that are 75% in (like 5), then it goes down from there. I don't talk about the abuse that happened except with my therapist. Good luck figuring all of that out! Its a tough one.

 

[blackemerald1]

Maybe I'll have another think on it and give you a better answer later but for now?

How do you know you can trust your, or someone else's judgment?

You can't know until it (trust) gets tested. You cannot know for sure, that is. I know it's too late then, but there's no guarantees anyway.

Judgement is such a sliding scale, intangible trait to identify in somebody. Where does life experience and judgment meet?

You can tell an idiot anywhere just about. But, you're not trying to trust idiots so that's unhelpful.

Then there's all the people in between that appear to be not what they are? Or maybe, they are what they appear to be? Idk.. I struggle with trust and judgment daily.

Sometimes, rarely, I'm surprised in a positive way and delighted by the revelation that somebody I didn't trust is actually a little bit trustworthy.

But unfortunately it's usually a negative confirmation that for me, there are so few people on earth whose judgment I truly do trust, that they're not worth looking for.

Sometimes you just must simply decide to trust the judgement of another because you've got no experience and they have. Limiting your exposure to that situation is wise.

 

[Teasel]

Gut feeling is best guide I ever found but easy to mix it up with the strong c-ptsd mistrust so... x

 

[ladee]

My gut feeling, when I stop and listen, is always right. I tend to ignore red flags with some people. Or even if I see the red flags, I ignore them because I am on a quest to have something work out like I want or think I need it to.

I do trust my own judgement when I listen to my gut. Every time I didn't, it didn't work out very well.

When I am very symptomatic, I try to share with those that I do trust to get feedback. If the majority sees the situation in a different light, I try to rethink it. Or not make a move or decision until I am more centered.

I also feel it's a part of being human. To go ahead with something even when all the signs says no. Or even if the signs says yes, and we aren't ready to take that risk.

Guess I am trying to say, to let our personal experiences be our guide. They usually speak the loudest.

 

[Muttly]

what if you take it out of personal. What would you advise someone else in your situation? I like mention of red flags although I'm not the best at trusting my judgement on those for myself. However, I can see them for others and am getting better spotting them for myself. So, what if you made a list of red flags. Does the list stack up and start looking like a pattern and does that pattern look like a pattern for right now, or does it look like a pattern mostly from the past.

 

[Freida]

I guess. Yep, really.I figure I have a 50/50 chance of being right soooo....
I just jump and hope for the best.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

- Gut Feeling
- PTSD Reaction

The thing is to separate those. But since trauma becomes a gut feeling, it can be tricky to disentangle them.
However, if I have a feeling: something isn´t right (even if I don´t know exactly what it is), then I would say that´s always or almost always accurate.

The thing about interaction is that more than 70% is subconscious, so you´re not only dealing with your own subconscious (and trauma) but also with the subconscious of that other person and whatever repressed problems they have, even if those problems are not strictly speaking PTSD.

To me, that means that whenever you interact with somebody, it is the sum of two subconscious minds, and therefore you could very well feel that something is off even if you don´t know what.

My strategy would be to analyze your own reaction, try to be objective about it, and carefully separate paranoia from actual truth, take care not to be too dismissive towards your feelings but do not hang on to them either.

No small task.
Good luck :D

 

[whiteraven]

Good questions. I don't really have any answers for you; I am in one of those places where I trust nobody, judgment or otherwise. But when it comes to something I have to do? I just dive in. If it's wrong and if I trusted when I shouldn't have, I'm screwed. But then, I am most of the time anyway, so...LOL

 

[Ronin]

If it's wrong and if I trusted when I shouldn't have, I'm screwed. But then, I am most of the time anyway, so...LOL

:hilarious:

This line. So much my conclusion to dilemmas, too.

Just taking all the other posted pointers as solid 'how can I trip myself up less', as well.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I learned to trust my gut early. The only time I regretted it was when I didn't. I tried an experiment when I was in my early 20s that if I had a dilemma, I would go one way if I hit a red light, the other if I hit green. All in all it didn't matter. Everything seemed to work out ok in the end. Even PTSD. I'm a homesteader like I always wanted to be, but couldn't while I worked. Weird how things work out.

 

[grit]

I think it depends on the person and the situation really. I trusted some people way too soon cause they give that weird familiar feeling and they screwed me over and some people I am spooked at them first and later found out wow! what was I thinking cause they turn out to be really amazing people...both in personal life and professional life.

What I learned in life though and has been consciously confirmed through therapy for me is I take my time if I can. I expand the gap between the it and my decision. And I ask myself out loud so I can hear (when I am alone) do I trust this person? Am I making the right decision? and if yes, why? if no, why? If my feelings or judgement is too strong, I usually (not all the time but often) can tell I need more time cause for whatever reason I am triggered in a very deep and subtle ways that I am not conscious of and it is about my trauma.

So again I take my time.

And taking time does not have to be so long the other person wonders like wtf. It could be just taking few breathes to get in touch with the body to ensure I am not put in a position of shock at least or holding my breath or making a serious decision while I am disconnected - body and mind.

However, IMHO< this sort of thing is hard to do by the fly and I try (or have been trying and still trying my best in some situations) to have a strong baseline of trusting myself and let the chips fall where they may.

At the end, for me, it boils down to can I handle the anxiety it may produce if I make the wrong decision and often I survive...I am still here.