Suicide the ultimate avoidance

[osiris]

Not sure I deserve the kindness you are both showing me @somerandomguy and @Ronin.
I’m not used to people being like this.
Default is prickly distant alone so no one can hurt me anymore.

 

[Ronin]

That's all okay ;)

Does not need a deserve. Like I know that spot hard... been round years, still whine at people that I got no idea the hell I do with kindness and to please hand me the manual I missed...

You can always just think we're weird, so the words don't clash with what hard life taught you, and let ours in microdoses.

Some meds need start small and build up... sounds kindness may be one of these.

 

[osiris]

So I’m loyal. Like really loyal. Maybe I learnt that the wrong way coz of the secrets I kept for people.
But if you’re my friend. I will stand guard for you. I will protect you. I will be there no matter what.
But I can’t go to anyone if I need help.
This place is the most help I’ve asked for in f*cking years. You guys in a week have become my light. Which is crazy.

 

[osiris]

I’m going to try to sleep. All these posts stopped me planning.
Tiny triumphs.

 

[Ronin]

:D (No really, am grinning.)

Because fierce & loyal & good people? Are darn rare find. And also in my book get to be Kept, no matter what.

Well done on asking for help in so short time, takes serious coordination & courage & commitment to do.

The 'can't go to anyone if needing help'... People here told me it's okay to need either better teams, or a different backup.

And that it's okay to fall face to mud, straight... They be playing fetch & move from that fresh insanity. ;)

 

[osiris]

Not enough sleep and still dark as hell. But but but, in my first dream of the night I actually laughed, I felt it, like I laughed out loud, and some tiny part of my brain logged it as “I must remember this”. My best friend?
So sad but holding this tiny spark tightly.

 

[mumstheword]

Not sure I deserve the kindness you are both showing me @somerandomguy and @Ronin.
I’m not used to people being like this.
Default is prickly distant alone so no one can hurt me anymore.

You definitely deserve the kindness @osiris. No doubt.

Wish I had more kind words, right now, coz you deserve ALL.the kindness, so much more that you've had so far.

Glad you're sticking around. Good bunch here. Awesome peeps. We do get it. Wish you didn't, but here we all are.

Hangin' in there, here; together.

We are like steel being hardened in a smith's fire, burning, but getting stronger and able to be of benefit to other's through it.

We are burning~ it hurts, agony, at times; but we are becoming steely, with resolve.

Let's go through the fire together and rise up like the phoenix.

Keep stickin' it out with us, eh?

 

[dcb2410]

So I’m loyal. Like really loyal. Maybe I learnt that the wrong way coz of the secrets I kept for people.
But if you’re my friend. I will stand guard for you. I will protect you. I will be there no matter what.
But I can’t go to anyone if I need help.
This place is the most help I’ve asked for in f*cking years. You guys in a week have become my light. Which is crazy.

loyalty is a beautiful quality. hold on to that....

 

[osiris]

Thanks @mumstheword, I appreciate your thoughtful words.

 

[osiris]

The tragic thing is even on a less stressful day, when I have exercised and kept myself distracted, I am still thinking of plans.

Do normal people do this?

Broken brain, the gift that keeps on giving.

Therapy this week. Shit there’s several hours to squeeze into one here already, and that’s not even the stuff stuck in my head.

 

[somerandomguy]

Do normal people do this?

Nope.

Do you have to think of yourself as "broken?" That doesn't seem to be helping you much. Your brain is working just right for one that's been traumatized.

Shit there’s several hours to squeeze into one here already, and that’s not even the stuff stuck in my head.

Maybe the stuff stuck in your head is the really important stuff?

 

[osiris]

Do you have to think of yourself as "broken?" That doesn't seem to be helping you much. Your brain is working just right for one that's been traumatized.

Maybe the stuff stuck in your head is the really important stuff?

Sorry. Yeah you’re right, it is doing the job the best way it can I guess. I hate feeling so imperfect. Getting help for it just makes it real and I think I’m grieving a lost life as well as my best friend. Hard to explain.

Stuff in my head is scary AF. :roflmao: