• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Suicide the ultimate avoidance

Status
Not open for further replies.
You said you're still planning... or, stopped & came back to - which tells me you're pretty good *planner* and driven at it - hey, that's a good thing.

So only need to change that its sui ones.

So, how do you flip the items of that around?

I had a thing with trains a while back.
Turned out what my brain was saying was I need to be more *on* trains... traveling. Travel inserted to life fixed that obsession with that mode of suicidality that just wouldn't let up for years.

My head's nonsense with guns a while back was also something else, like needing a larger plan and trust issues. Not about the fricking gun.

So wheres the catch, what are those plans really telling about what you need?

Because nah, you gone or hurt is never it.
 
I need a friend again.
Like a real life one.
So how the f*ck do I do that?!

Like to be clear, I am not a social outcast or loner. I *look* like I have friends, I am f*cking wonderful at speaking to a great many people and I even go to birthday celebrations and all that shit occasionally. But. No one. Knows. Me.

I lied to my best friend and never told her this shit, and I *knew* she loved me.
f*ck. Why so hard?
 
Last edited:
Do what you like most and that makes you feel something good about life, where people are...

Notice who likes that you and how you do things and would like to do them with you ;)

Get talking with them, about anything, and hey, you are there, got a friend. :)
 
A-ha... Not a casual friend. Knowing you friend. Got it ;)

That starts with you... You gotta let people in and let them know you. Its the truly hard part... but not impossible. It can be done, you did it at least once, already.

And? That you've done it means you *know* how to.
You just need to find the person...
And do it again with them, with variants counting in who the new person is, and who you are now, as opposed to drawing on back then you.

But who you were before can be useful for that... so not like you need to forget and toss who you were, just because it hurts.
 
While at it, I'll also grab one. I'd be a parrot. Some shiiny kind. Because piiirates! Trashtalking passing by ships & telling the crew to leave their gold aloone, joys. :happy:

Happy to be a pirate. I can cuss all day and drink rum. Sorted.
 
And?

Not a lie.
You didn't lie just because you couldn't or didn't want to, talk trauma.

It's a kind of thing that can make or break relationships, even where no one of the actors does anything wrong... just because trauma is heavy & personal.

That you tried to shelter your bestie from it?
Means you were thinking like a good friend, and acted it.

Don't have regrets over that one...
Whenever regrets can move, I know not overnight ;)
Because you've done nothing wrong.
 
A-ha... Not a casual friend. Knowing you friend. Got it ;)

That starts with you... You gotta let people in and let them know you. Its the truly hard part... but not impossible. It can be done, you did it at least once, already.

And? That you've done it means you *know* how to.
You just need to find the person...
And do it again with them, with variants counting in who the new person is, and who you are now, as opposed to drawing on back then you.

But who you were before can be useful for that... so not like you need to forget and toss who you were, just because it hurts.
That’s a f*ck of a lot of work and means I have to stop hiding out.
Bollocks.
Awesome. Found a word that isn’t censored. Very piratey behaviour. ;)
 
And?

Not a lie.

That you tried to shelter your bestie from it?
Means you were thinking like a good friend, and acted it.

Don't have regrets over that one...
Whenever regrets can move, I know not overnight ;)
Because you've done nothing wrong.
Wish I’d trusted her though. Like enough to share.
It’s been a long silence.
 
Some times, trusting people so much is exactly the reasons sharing is impossible. To risk shattering that firm base by own crap. It makes sense you kept to yourself, for as long, too.

And yeah, not hiding out is bollocks...
But only for a time :ninja:

It's worth the pukes and shakes and feeling the world went to shit after one tells someone a few words trauma acronyms in the long haul.
 
It's worth the pukes and shakes and feeling the world went to shit after one tells someone a few words trauma acronyms in the long haul.
Going to have to trust you on that one, coz I’m not convinced. Slowly slowly right?
 
Going to have to get a handle on these bloody symptoms and triggers too. No one, no matter how empathetic, is gonna want to hang out with me either crying all the time or losing my shit and having panic attacks or shouting like a rage monster.
Currently I’m everyone’s worst nightmare :roflmao:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top