Sufferer flashbacks i haven't seen before

[i.swear.i'm.trying]

Hi, everyone, I'm new here! I was diagnosed with PTSD at the start of this year, my trauma being enduring child abuse up until recently. I have noticed for a while that some flashbacks I get are ones that I don't recall having ever before... I'm not sure how to explain it in words, but it is as if my brain 'unlocks' new images of traumatic events which I have not seen before and it's making me wonder how much there really is that I don't know about my own experiences. Is this normal and is there anything that could trigger this to happen? Or is it completely expected?
Hope everyone is keeping safe <3

 

[Wonder Woman]

Hi, i.swear.i'm.trying.

I'm sorry you were abused, and I'm sorry you have PTSD. I'm glad you're reaching-out for help, though.

Flashbacks are common with PTSD. Every flashback is triggered by something. However, the trigger is often difficult to identify. So, the flashbacks may feel like random intrusions.

Are you currently in therapy? If so, this would be a good topic to explore with the support of your therapist.

 

[i.swear.i'm.trying]

Hi, i.swear.i'm.trying.

I'm sorry you were abused, and I'm sorry you have PTSD. I'm glad you're reaching-out for help, though.

Flashbacks are common with PTSD. Every flashback is triggered by something. However, the trigger is often difficult to identify. So, the flashbacks may feel like random intrusions.

Are you currently in therapy? If so, this would be a good topic to explore with the support of your therapist.

Hi, Thank you so much! I was seeing a therapist but due to the virus, we've had to stop the sessions for now but I will definitely bring this up next time. Thanks again x

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @i.swear.i'm.trying , welcome to the site. I'm sorry for the events that led to your PTSD. Flashbacks are very common. I get them alot. Trauma can mess with your memory so i would say that it's normal to have flashbacks that you haven't had before. It's horrible when it happens so I'm sorry that your experiencing them. All the best to you. S3.

 

[i.swear.i'm.trying]

Hi @i.swear.i'm.trying , welcome to the site. I'm sorry for the events that led to your PTSD. Flashbacks are very common. I get them alot. Trauma can mess with your memory so i would say that it's normal to have flashbacks that you haven't had before. It's horrible when it happens so I'm sorry that your experiencing them. All the best to you. S3.

Thank you @Survivor3, really appreciate it. Glad to here it's not something uncommon! Many hugs x

 

[laverite]

Yes, flashbacks are common. When children are abused, they don't have the coping skills to deal with it, so it gets pushed WAY down, sometimes even to the point where it's forgotten (however, it manifests itself in all kinds of unhealthy ways in teen years or early adulthood, which is when the person generally seeks counseling). I think it's really amazing that because of the way we're designed, those memories come up slowly, one at a time, not all at once like a tornado. That way, it's a bit easier to handle it. Painful and shocking, yes, but easier to handle it a bit at a time than all at once.

I'm glad you're in therapy. Hopefully with someone who specializes in PTSD caused by childhood trauma. As a survivor myself of childhood sexual abuse, I can tell you one thing for sure: you CAN heal from PTSD (with a scar rather than an open wound), and the rest of your life does NOT need to be defined by what happened to you. Don't let what was stolen from you as a child continue to steal from you as an adult. Your identity can change from victim, to survivor, to overcomer! Your value as a human is not defined by the things of your past. Yes, they shaped and impacted you, but you don't need to go through life staying in victim mode. Tell yourself truths such as: It was NOT my fault. What was done to me was wrong and I was an innocent child. I am NOT damaged goods. I CAN have a healthy future and a healthy relationship.

My personal journey includes God and faith, which may or may not resonate with you. I see God as the ultimate healer and counselor, and that is what He did for me. A wonderful support group at my church for sexual abuse victims was the turning point for me. We worked through a book called The Door of Hope...it took one year of hard work...but facing the pain and working through it was the best thing I ever did. May I add that forgiveness was a huge part of my healing. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, to set you free from the rage, the hatred, the desire for revenge, all of which turned to self-loathing and a deep pit of bitterness in me. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, or having on ongoing relationship with the perpetrator, or pretending it never happened. It set me free from nightmares; some people even said that my face was different...softer. It also allowed me to have a healthy relationship with my husband. So if God is a part of your life, or you want Him to be, reach out and invite Him into your healing journey. In any case, I'm saying a prayer for you right now and I wish you all the best.

 

[Survivor3]

Faith in a higher power can definately help. I'm not religious but I pray.

 

[i.swear.i'm.trying]

@laverite Thank you so much for such kind words, you've honestly made my day! I've re-read what you've said quite a few times; I can't seem to get enough of them haha. I've really taken everything you've said to heart especially that we can all overcome and conquer PTSD!

At the moment I feel like I'm defined by this disorder. Of course the stigma surrounding mental health is a lot less than what it was before yet there is still some stigma left which is awkward, to say the least, to deal with in a social situation. I almost have a fear of getting hit by a trigger and having to experience a flashback (and it's scarier if I experience one I haven't yet) in public. I will definitely be working on constantly having a mind set that "this is a thing in life that I can overcome", all thanks to you!

I do actually find that researching and teaching myself about PTSD (along with other trauma induced mental disorders) is really beneficial as it is helping me accept my diagnosis and relate to something/somebody in a textbook/video/forum on a topic I can't always explain to myself in words. And like you say, it is pretty fascinating just to see how clever and advanced the human brain is.

I am sorry that you've had to endure sexual abuse as a child. The way in which you have accepted it... I mean wow... I am truly in awe and you're my new role model :) Having (somehow) survived the abuse which only stopped a very recently and having experienced sexual assault a couple years back, I can't even begin to tell you just how grateful I am for your words. For me, I don't think I have quite got to the stage of forgiveness yet, but I will definitely take your advice in the near future regarding forgiveness and put it into practice.

On the topic of religion, I have, perhaps, lost a little faith in God because of my experiences. I remember searching for an answer within myself as to why the abuse happened but couldn't find the fault to be me and I thought "am I that ignorant that I can't even see that the cause of my own abuse is me?". I have, admittedly, have thought that the world and God were 'against' me in some way but your words have definitely reassured me that no victim is to blame for anything bad we've had to endure and He can, in fact, aid our healing. If you (or anyone else!) have any advice on rebuilding faith in Him, I will accept all of it with open arms. Also, thank you so much for saying a prayer for me :)

You are a true inspiration and hope we can talk here as often as possible (if that's ok with you, of course)
Thanks again x

 

[i.swear.i'm.trying]

Faith in a higher power can definately help. I'm not religious but I pray.

I would definitely like to explore this more! Thanks!!! x

 

[laverite]

@laverite Thank you so much for such kind words, you've honestly made my day! I've re-read what you've said quite a few times; I can't seem to get enough of them haha. I've really taken everything you've said to heart especially that we can all overcome and conquer PTSD!

At the moment I feel like I'm defined by this disorder. Of course the stigma surrounding mental health is a lot less than what it was before yet there is still some stigma left which is awkward, to say the least, to deal with in a social situation. I almost have a fear of getting hit by a trigger and having to experience a flashback (and it's scarier if I experience one I haven't yet) in public. I will definitely be working on constantly having a mind set that "this is a thing in life that I can overcome", all thanks to you!

I do actually find that researching and teaching myself about PTSD (along with other trauma induced mental disorders) is really beneficial as it is helping me accept my diagnosis and relate to something/somebody in a textbook/video/forum on a topic I can't always explain to myself in words. And like you say, it is pretty fascinating just to see how clever and advanced the human brain is.

I am sorry that you've had to endure sexual abuse as a child. The way in which you have accepted it... I mean wow... I am truly in awe and you're my new role model :) Having (somehow) survived the abuse which only stopped a very recently and having experienced sexual assault a couple years back, I can't even begin to tell you just how grateful I am for your words. For me, I don't think I have quite got to the stage of forgiveness yet, but I will definitely take your advice in the near future regarding forgiveness and put it into practice.

On the topic of religion, I have, perhaps, lost a little faith in God because of my experiences. I remember searching for an answer within myself as to why the abuse happened but couldn't find the fault to be me and I thought "am I that ignorant that I can't even see that the cause of my own abuse is me?". I have, admittedly, have thought that the world and God were 'against' me in some way but your words have definitely reassured me that no victim is to blame for anything bad we've had to endure and He can, in fact, aid our healing. If you (or anyone else!) have any advice on rebuilding faith in Him, I will accept all of it with open arms. Also, thank you so much for saying a prayer for me :)

You are a true inspiration and hope we can talk here as often as possible (if that's ok with you, of course)
Thanks again

Hi again!
I'm so very happy that my words encouraged you. You are on a journey now, and it's so great, so healthy, that you are facing your pain and working thru it. That's the only way to truly heal, because the other option is to bury it in substance abuse, self-harm, mental instability, etc. I promise you...you CAN heal and be FREE from what feels now like such an overwhelming thing in your life. Time to slay the beast!

I totally understand what you said about losing your faith after what happened. We all question "where was God?" when bad things happen, but He was and is with you, and He doesn't prevent evil from happening because...ironically...out of His love for us, He gave us free will to do good or do evil. He could've made us robots or puppets on a string that never do anything bad, but would you want Him to control YOU that much? It would not be love for us, nor could we love Him or anyone else of our own choosing if we were such puppets.

As you probably know, we do have an enemy of our soul, who not only is happy about what happened to you, but wants to use it to ruin the rest of your life. That's where God's strength, power, and healing comes in. God will wait patiently for you to turn to Him, as He never forces His will on us, and if/when you do, He will gladly walk with you thru your journey of healing and He will do the work in you that you need so that you can fully heal. It's a big step, but you have to surrender yourself to HIm. Do you belong to a church? Many/most churches have counselors or support groups for PTSD victims, and at the very least, you could talk with a pastor who will listen to your story, pray for you and with you, and offer ideas for further growth and healing. You'll be surprised at how many church-goers have suffered as you have...churches are more like hospitals full of people who've been hurt in life and recognize their need for God. If anyone says to you, "God/religion is a crutch" you can answer, "Yep, I can't think of a better thing to lean on. What's your crutch?" because everyone has one!

Let me know if you have more questions or want to chat further. God bless you. You're precious to Him, don't forget that!