Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Hello all! I'm not sure if this should go here, but it's sort of related to employment and education?? please move if it's not in the right space.
So, I am only ONE YEAR!! from graduating college. It's taken me six years, but I'm going to finish. There were times I didn't see the finish line, but now I can and it's glorious. I'm doing everything to be a competitive candidate, in both of the fields I'm interested in (and there's a huge demand to fill these jobs) and I am starting to digitally network and all. I know something could happen and I don't get what I'm looking for right away, but I'm recognizing that's not totally in my control and just trying to control what I can, which is an accomplishment in my book!
One big aspect that causes me great anxiety is that I still live with my parents. Being a full-fledged adult living with them has been difficult and grating, especially with this pandemic. I want more independence, but it also feels good to be dependent. Part of the reason I have PTSD is from them, mental and psychological abuse. They've gotten so much better (my dad regulated his emotions yesterday! He used to just yell and get upset and never take responsibility for it but he stopped, took a deep breath and said "here is what I am thinking and how it's coming off for me" and my mom and I talked about it and he apologized for not understanding) but I still think moving out and being independent would be so great for my healing process.
Part if it is I think I have to move far, far away in order to truly gain independence and create my new live. In college, before I went online, I would come home every weekend because I only lived an hour away. I don't know why I'm both so desperate to be around them and desperately want to go away. I've been diagnosed with BPD/ CPTSD, so that sort of makes sense "I hate you don't leave me", but my symptoms are totally manageable now and I know how to work with them instead of against them
Anyways, my point. I have NO idea how to live independently. I try to budget and all but I have no idea the expenses that go into it, what it entails, how to rent a house, how to make sure the apartment is good, how to find roommates if I need them, etc. How to budget and save for things (although I have done this before for things like laptops and cars), how to eventually buy a house, how to make travel plans and all. My parents lived with my grandparents until their 30s, and they had a house without a mortgage because of some deals. Their incomes are not even comparable to what I'll be making originally, so they can't help me. My cousin could help, but she also had an unconventional start to living independently by living in another country. It seems like everyone actually who has lived independently had a different situation than me.
Does anyone have any hints who have done this before? I realize I'm trying to control something I probably won't be able to completely, but I'm terrified I won't be able to move out. I want to start my "real life". Of course, with this virus, it'll probably be even harder, but eventually it'll return to normal!
So, I am only ONE YEAR!! from graduating college. It's taken me six years, but I'm going to finish. There were times I didn't see the finish line, but now I can and it's glorious. I'm doing everything to be a competitive candidate, in both of the fields I'm interested in (and there's a huge demand to fill these jobs) and I am starting to digitally network and all. I know something could happen and I don't get what I'm looking for right away, but I'm recognizing that's not totally in my control and just trying to control what I can, which is an accomplishment in my book!
One big aspect that causes me great anxiety is that I still live with my parents. Being a full-fledged adult living with them has been difficult and grating, especially with this pandemic. I want more independence, but it also feels good to be dependent. Part of the reason I have PTSD is from them, mental and psychological abuse. They've gotten so much better (my dad regulated his emotions yesterday! He used to just yell and get upset and never take responsibility for it but he stopped, took a deep breath and said "here is what I am thinking and how it's coming off for me" and my mom and I talked about it and he apologized for not understanding) but I still think moving out and being independent would be so great for my healing process.
Part if it is I think I have to move far, far away in order to truly gain independence and create my new live. In college, before I went online, I would come home every weekend because I only lived an hour away. I don't know why I'm both so desperate to be around them and desperately want to go away. I've been diagnosed with BPD/ CPTSD, so that sort of makes sense "I hate you don't leave me", but my symptoms are totally manageable now and I know how to work with them instead of against them
Anyways, my point. I have NO idea how to live independently. I try to budget and all but I have no idea the expenses that go into it, what it entails, how to rent a house, how to make sure the apartment is good, how to find roommates if I need them, etc. How to budget and save for things (although I have done this before for things like laptops and cars), how to eventually buy a house, how to make travel plans and all. My parents lived with my grandparents until their 30s, and they had a house without a mortgage because of some deals. Their incomes are not even comparable to what I'll be making originally, so they can't help me. My cousin could help, but she also had an unconventional start to living independently by living in another country. It seems like everyone actually who has lived independently had a different situation than me.
Does anyone have any hints who have done this before? I realize I'm trying to control something I probably won't be able to completely, but I'm terrified I won't be able to move out. I want to start my "real life". Of course, with this virus, it'll probably be even harder, but eventually it'll return to normal!