Tyranny Vs. Leadership

[shimmerz]

The premier of Ontario, Canada has been spouting on and on and on about how incredibly important it is for all of us here to be very strict and to not go to family member's houses. We are meant to stay in our homes and there is no option for groups of 6 to get together even with social distancing. Mother's Day was a wash on Sunday. Mother's were left on their own after not having seen their children.grands for over two months.

Oh, but wait. The premier here (on the sly) had his children over on Sunday for Mother's Day. All four of them.

When found out, he attempts to back paddle by stating that groups of 6 or less are fine and that he was careful with social distancing with his kids. I have to be honest. I don't f*cking care. That seems like a clear path to gaslighting if you ask me. And THAT ties directly into my experience with my parents.

Do as I SAY and I will do as I please and will punish you dearly if you notice and say something about it. It was this constant inequity in my family of origin that had me feel always off balance, see-sawing back and forth between my need to be an honourable and decent child and my urges to fight against this inequitable and unjust power dynamic.

Anyway, I don't know what I am really saying. I want to be socially responsible. I have been being socially responsible. I have lost out on a ton of experiences and it has been really difficult being socially responsible yet I have done it. So has my family. Yet right now I feel like I have been and idiot and my face was just rubbed in it because I have this guy in charge who is rubbing my face in the fact that I don't have the rights that he does. My understanding of this situation was that it didn't matter what your status in this world is, that we need to follow the rules to get to health again. Now I call bullshit on that.

Now? I recognize the difference between a leadership and tyranny. And this was the story of my life as a child. 'We all get to do this but you can't and that is YOUR fault'.

I am not here to post about the covid. I am overwhelmed with all of the information being forced upon me about washing my hands and not being able to function and am still trying to process how life will be if I have to wear a mask everywhere I go. If I am able to go places in the future.

No, this is about unequal power dynamics in family, governments, friendships etc. How does one deal with these types of inequities without being further damaged? Any ideas?

 

[Innordinate]

How does one deal with these types of inequities without being further damaged? Any ideas?

Honestly? Find a way to let it go. Be strong in your own truth.

Seems cliche and not useful but......

My dad is the same way. I still live with him and he constantly says stupid shit to me, criticizing my choices and then doing the same thing. Or telling me one thing and doing the opposite. Pushing my buttons - things he knows are stressors and triggers and then calling me paranoid or laughing when I get worked up. Yelling at me, purposefully starting an argument and then making me feel stupid and that I'm the asshole not him etc.

He's not going to change. He's never going to apologize- not even for shit he's blatantly done wrong. It's out of my control. I can't change him. I can't control him. And arguing with assholes leads nowhere.

As much as possible I just don't engage anymore. Or when he tries to start shit I ask him straight up if he's trying to be a dick. And then I walk away.
Sometimes I have to ask other people, who aren't assholes, if I'm being reactionary, or if i'm being paranoid - need that outside source to feel validated but more and more often I'm confident in my own decision/choices.

It doesn't always work. Sometimes I can disengage from his bullshit on the outside but internally am in chaos and question myself.


Sometimes when he's really trying to push me and I can't walk away I'll say the same thing over and over to him. Like "Well, it's my choice."

It's getting easier though, to let it go, because I realize he's just a narcissistic f*ck up and he gets off on messing with my head. Not gonna give him that power anymore. Not going to let him know he has that power.

I hope some of that's helpful.

And just to add- Albertas premier tweeted that it's up to the rest of us to "Not screw this up" as he begins to open up the province.
What kind of leader says this shit? And the information coming from the leadership is confusing as f*ck. And people have taken the meaning a thousand different ways. Some are having bonfires, some are hiding away and haven't been out or seen people for like 8 weeks. It's confusing.

I just do the best I can and what I feel is right and comfortable for me to do. Others- not in my control. And I figure karma or god or whatever will catch up to the assholes.

 

[Invisible Fire]

I may be off track to what you are saying. All the confusion and chaos that is going on is triggering for me. The 'do as I say not as I do' is something triggering also. My family is all about how things look to the outside. We don't want to look to tough, to weak or anything that may be frowned on. BUT, being a alcoholic is ok. I mean who doesn't enjoy a drink sometimes. If you don't think the way I do, you are wrong. Your opinion doesn't matter because I am in charge. On and on. This goes with anything from as simple to what you eat to politics. The most intimidating wins. If you don't go along well then we ridicule you and make you feel like crap. And we will argue any opinion that doesn't match ours. This circle goes round and round. You never know where you stand. But, you do know to keep your mouth shut.

 

[Friday]

I’d challenge a few things, here...

That seems like a clear path to gaslighting if you ask me.

He’s not trying to convince anyone they’re crazy... presenting an argument against the charges laid against him is the right of every individual in a free society, leaders included.

He may have deliberately broken the 6 person rule, or he may have thought he was adhering to his own policy. Either way, he’s as entitled as you are to present an argument in defence of your actions.

Yet right now I feel like I have been and idiot and my face was just rubbed in it because I have this guy in charge who is rubbing my face in the fact that I don't have the rights that he does. My understanding of this situation was that it didn't matter what your status in this world is, that we need to follow the rules to get to health again. Now I call bullshit on that.

Just because someone breaks the rules? (If he did so) doesn’t mean that the rules are bullshit, or that following them is stupid.

Nor, does it mean he has greater rights than you do / or that the rules don’t apply to him. In point of fact? If they DIDN’T apply to him, you’d never have heard of this. Because it wouldn’t have gone to press. Instead? He’s being held to an even greater standard; break the rules, or even come close to breaking the rules (if the rules state 6, and he was at 6)... and have that published in the paper for public humiliation, scorn, and shaming... in addition to any warnings/tickets/fines.

Equality? Is an ideal to strive for, rather than a given. I’m actually fairly impressed with Canada, at the moment, that it’s striving so damn hard FOR that ideal. That the pandemic is being taken so seriously, by so many, that even the people in the highest offices of the land are being held to the same standard as everyone else. That’s a good thing, no?

 

[shimmerz]

that even the people in the highest offices of the land are being held to the same standard as everyone else. That’s a good thing, no?

It is if that were the case. This posting was about that NOT happening in Canada.

As much as I would love to compare notes about how 'Canada is doing this so well', I suspect you may be seeing things through a grass is always greener filter. We have more than our share of problems here in Canada regarding this issue. Having said that, I have no interest in getting into COVID stuff in this posting, as I mentioned in the OP.

This is more about people in leadership roles not having a freaking clue how to lead by example and discussing how this type of dynamic can be found in abusive family environments.

 

[Friday]

As much as I would love to compare notes about how 'Canada is doing this so well', I suspect you may be seeing things through a grass is always greener filter.

Not at all. I was only & very specifically looking at this one thing: The Premier of Ontario being taken to task over what he’s done.

 

[shimmerz]

The Premier of Ontario being taken to task over what he’s done.

Ah, I stand corrected. My apologies for misunderstanding.

I thought you had said you were impressed with Canada - which would have meant Trudeau. And very honestly, there are way more people in Canada that hate Trudeau - than there are Trump haters. Ford (the Premier) runs a close 2nd. I, and most people I know, are very afraid for Canada right now due to their perception of them being very poor leaders.

 

[Ronin]

I think most of 1st world politicians reaaally can't be categorized as 'very poor leaders'.

Nor does actual tyranny guarantee people to be powerless / at their mercy. People are resourceful. Fed up & oppressed too long, they organize.

It's not a black or white issue, on any side.

And? Think traumatized people better remember world politicians aren't their parents, spouses, kindergarten bullies, other types of exes, and other people that are easily read into them.

They, if making mistakes, make their own, for veery complex reasons. That the generic public may not be privy to... So the judgment is bit unwarranted.

 

[Rainman8772]

I never hold much weight in a politician’s words. ALL of them lie, some more than others. Just live life and don’t let the government or the Covid get you down. I don’t wear a mask and won’t plain and simple. Things with this were all overblown by the media and giving government more power. The government doesn’t care about you regardless of what they spout off. You do you, take care of your own family the best you can. Beyond that it’s what grand parents taught you keep your hands off your face and wash your hands. More people are dying from things not related to Covid because not getting medical care due to fear.

 

[Invisible Fire]

And? Think traumatized people better remember world politicians aren't their parents, spouses, kindergarten bullies, other types of exes, and other people that are easily read into them

this makes a lot of sense to me. Especially during these times

 

[shimmerz]

Having said that, I have no interest in getting into COVID stuff in this posting, as I mentioned in the OP.

This is more about people in leadership roles not having a freaking clue how to lead by example and discussing how this type of dynamic can be found in abusive family environments.

I think most of 1st world politicians reaaally can't be categorized as 'very poor leaders'.

I never hold much weight in a politician’s words.

I am not certain how to say it any differently. This isn't a thread about politicians. It is a thread about abusive families.

Anyway, have at it.

 

[Ronin]

Indeed.

Which must be why most of your opening post repeatedly states the PM of your country has it all wrong.

People here may have attention issues, Shimmerz, but most of us *can* read. ;)

The kind of intro you put to it just doesn't centre on your stated main concern - families. It speaks of other issue as more underlying concern. Hence people respond to it.

Don't act as if we read it all wrong.
Both gaslighting and passive aggressive. Also, not cool.