Therapist may not return to office

[whiteraven]

Had an online visit with my T today and I asked him - again - if he and his wife had made plans for returning to the office. I'm not pushing to go back early; I'm not even sure I'm going to want to go back. At least, I didn't think I was sure. His laughed a little and said that they were trying not to think about it. That being at home was kind of nice, especially since his daughter is there.

This is something I've been worried about. They moved about a year ago out of the city, but still have their office/condo here. I've always kind of wondered if they'd eventually sell.

I like not having to leave my house, but we don't really accomplish anything online. I need to see him in person. And I just can't deal with another loss right now. Has anyone else's therapist decided to close their physical office and remain at home indefinitely?

 

[Teamwork]

Mine is doing online, even though they have permission to go back. I’ve not broached the subject though I want to. to him, he feels he is keeping himself and his clients safe. I take it from some things he has said, that online was being used by him before all this and he is comfortable. He did just buy the building to build his practice from two years ago, so yes he would go back. but for now, he is doing fine. I think most people do fine online. myself, I need to see him. I have to not think about it though or I just get depressed. So I hear you!

 

[whiteraven]

Thanks, @Teamwork.

I think most people do fine online. myself, I need to see him. I have to not think about it though or I just get depressed.

Yeah. I can't really talk in-depth online. I mean, I talk, but for some reason, I also can't cry. Hard to do that in the room with him, but easier there than online.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm in the UK and my T hasn't mentioned anything about being back in her office. The guidelines here are that if the therapist decides they are an essential service to that particular client, then they can go to the office if other safety requirements are met, but that if a client sues the therapist for getting covid from them their insurance won't cover it. (that might be a big reason not to go back to the office .. )

Have you asked him directly? I know you say he kind of laughs about it, but does he know how worried you are about it? Perhaps he can build in a plan for you about returning to the office? Or are you worried that being more direct about it might bring on a loss if he says no?

 

[somerandomguy]

It is very difficult. I want my T and her family to be safe, and I want me and my family to be safe, and from everything we know about Covid, neither of those things meshes with going back to seeing my T in her office.

I'm lucky in that I can get stuff done with video visits with my T. It's much harder, and I hate it, but video visits don't incapacitate me. I know it's not that way for many people and it sucks. It truly sucks.

 

[Eagle3]

My T and I both hate video sessions, but since we're all high-risk, we know that there won't be in-person sessions any time soon. That said, I know he's itching to get back in the office and was considering outdoor sessions before the recent spike hit.

 

[Friday]

Meant honestly... IE bear with me, I promise I’m not being snarky...

What’s the point in asking him something you already know the answer to, as much as he does?

Cov19 not only isn’t under control, it’s not treatable / is just as lethal as ever, and infection rates are exploding.

So, if you know that he’s staying out of the office until Cov19 is managed. yet asking him anyway -again- when he’s coming back to the office? Seems like a kid in the back seat of a car on the freeway asking “Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet?” Clearly, the answer is no... we’re not there, yet.

I can think of half a dozen or more reasons why you MIGHT be asking

• Transference - assigning him the role of parent/god; Looking to him to make it all better &/or have the answers no one else has
• Passive-aggressive - Asking him one thing whilst meaning another; Are you coming back translating to “Will you comfort & reassure me that I’m important to you, and you care, that you miss me, and aren’t grateful to not have to be in the same room with me, etc.”
• Magical Thinking - if you do ask him X happens, if you don’t ask him Y happens
• Deliberately spinning yourself up / giving anxiety a springboard (because you’ve already been worried about him leaving for a year, this gives those fears new focus)
• As a way to open a discussion around themes of helplessness & powerlessness
• To be obnoxious / Misery loves company - (kid in the backseat; I’m unhapppy so I’m going to make sure everyone else is aware of exactly how unhappy I am)
• Just making conversation without really thinking
• Trauma-Avoidance - To avoid working on your own stuff in such a way that makes it about him & what he’s doing, rather than you & what you’re doing

But I could speculate all damn day about why you MIGHT be asking... but the faster course is to ask you directly.

So! :D Why are you asking?

 

[whiteraven]

Have you asked him directly?

Asked him...what?

video visits don't incapacitate me

They incapacitate me, either. I just don't like them because I don't seem to be able to get to anything more than the surface stuff.

What’s the point in asking him something you already know the answer to, as much as he does?

I DON'T know the answer. He is considered essential here, so the decision he makes to go back will be entirely his own. Some people here ARE going back, so it's completely reasonable that he MIGHT make the decision to do so.

So, if you know that he’s staying out of the office until Cov19 is managed. yet asking him anyway -again- when he’s coming back to the office? Seems like a kid in the back seat of a car on the freeway asking “Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet? Are we there, yet?” Clearly, the answer is no... we’re not there, y

Wow. No idea why I deserved this. I DON'T know how long he's staying out of the office.

I'm holding my tongue on the remainder of your response, @Friday. The tone was just...hateful.

Done with this thread.

 

[darby star]

Had an online visit with my T today and I asked him - again - if he and his wife had made plans for returning to the office. I'm not pushing to go back early; I'm not even sure I'm going to want to go back. At least, I didn't think I was sure. His laughed a little and said that they were trying not to think about it. That being at home was kind of nice, especially since his daughter is there.

This is something I've been worried about. They moved about a year ago out of the city, but still have their office/condo here. I've always kind of wondered if they'd eventually sell.

I like not having to leave my house, but we don't really accomplish anything online. I need to see him in person. And I just can't deal with another loss right now. Has anyone else's therapist decided to close their physical office and remain at home indefinitely?

dont get too involved with a therapist . he/she can leave at a moments notice and leave you in a mess. they are not your friends .

Had an online visit with my T today and I asked him - again - if he and his wife had made plans for returning to the office. I'm not pushing to go back early; I'm not even sure I'm going to want to go back. At least, I didn't think I was sure. His laughed a little and said that they were trying not to think about it. That being at home was kind of nice, especially since his daughter is there.

This is something I've been worried about. They moved about a year ago out of the city, but still have their office/condo here. I've always kind of wondered if they'd eventually sell.

I like not having to leave my house, but we don't really accomplish anything online. I need to see him in person. And I just can't deal with another loss right now. Has anyone else's therapist decided to close their physical office and remain at home indefinitely?

yes. he promised me that if I needed him to call. I did.guess what he was not interested in.I will repeat. getting too involved with any therapist is a terrible mistake. they are not your friends. You are a client that pays someone to be a friend

 

[somerandomguy]

ou are a client that pays someone to be a friend

I used to feel that way, too, until I decided I really needed to build a therapeutic alliance with my T. Unfortunately, in my experience nothing very useful can get done until you do.

The problem is that a therapist occupies a unique place in people's lives, They're not a friend, but they act like one. They're not a doctor, but sometimes they act like one. They care, but not too much. They're not JUST a professional working for money, either. They are a therapist, which incorporates all of those roles, and many more.

 

[Movingforward10]

Asked him...what

Hi @whiteraven, I can see that you have left the site. But in case you come back my question was if you had directly asked him about what his plans are. It sounded like you needed an answer from him about what his plans are, as at the moment you are wondering and it is causing you feelings about it.

And I agree, @somerandomguy , it's a unique ( and confusing at times!) relationship, which is why (I think) the OP was worried about losing it if her T doesn't go back to the office.

 

[Skywatcher]

It’s really scary to think that your therapist might not be coming back to “in person.” Everyone has reasons for this whether they are essential or not. My T had been offering “in person” on one day a week and recently switched back online due to a massive surge in cases. She had gone back due to insurance issues for some of her clients. I stayed online regardless due to safety and scheduling. I have learned to see the value of it. In some ways, the distance can be comforting. Though it can be really annoying to not get the human feel, privacy and safe feeling in person, there are some good things as well. I also am recognizing that you are feeling abandoned by your T’s casual remarks about it. This would have been a huge trigger for me. So if your reactions seem child like, it makes sense to me.