i think I struggle with shaking stuff off like this because of the "authority" of the therapist/system and the vulnerability of asking for help. I also genuinely want help and try to not assume I've got it all figured out.
Last night and this morning the therapist blew up my phone pushing boundaries. I indicated I was busy at work, etc, can't talk. Please discharge me.
He kept using last names in group and sending out large group cc emails with contact info for patients to other patients with no authorization or need to do this. Two things I asked he immediately cease doing with my name, contact info, and phone number. Don't call it over and over and don't give my contact info to other patients. He did it again today. He's got the ability to make my life harder.
He's emailing repeatedly now about it.
Thing is, saying "stop" as a mental health patient to a mental health therapist... it's usually difficult... They have power over me in a way... sort of...
He responded to my boundary by saying, verbally on my voicemail, and on text and email, clearly I need crisis services. He gave a long list of crisis contacts and asked I contact them and have them contact him.
Because wtf?! I requested he "state the nature of the crisis." He replied the crisis is that I'm telling him to "stop emailing and calling you when we need to discuss your refusal to attend group."
I have never stated I'm in danger of any harm, never spoken about self harm or suicidal thoughts, none of that. I simply quit his IOP. He's sending my contact info out to the group and blowing up my phone at work. When that didn't work, he's now using his authority as a therapist to pathologize and gaslight a woman setting an ordinary and professional privacy and space boundaries with him. I'm somehow the bad guy or in need of his glorious help because how dare I say no... where does this crap happen outside of abuse and mental health care?
I resent people in the profession who pull stuff like this because it does so much harm. I think I stay too long because this stuff hurts. I'm genuinely trying to get help and this vulnerability of mine gets used against me to push over basic boundaries and if I hold them... hello the nonsense.
Something about it brings me back to being that abuse survivor.... begging for my perp to relent. Trauma learned habits die hard....?
I've agreed to one quick call at a specific time this morning to reiterate I've quit and we are done, discharge me please. I'm setting a time and giving him 5 minutes for the contact... for my sake. To allow me to shake this off faster. The billing dept has agreed to not bill insurance but me. I've asked as remedy to the bait and switch, and now privacy issues, they not bill at all for the 1.5 sessions, but waive costs and call it a day. I'll be repeating this request to him and ending at the 5 minute mark. Or trying to.
Trying to "shake off the dust" as my own spiritual practice would say - a metaphor for leaving the dirt picked up in a place that isn't a good fit behind with that place.
