JoeSatriani
New Here
Hello, I had what I would call a normal childhood, although there was already some anxiety but nothing like now.
At the age of 12, we had a serious car accident in the family car, a car ran into us at 120 km/h, the shock was very brutal. My father was on the verge of death. This was probably the most serious event, but it was not the one that really traumatized me, at least I think.
When I was about 17, I was on my way to school when a car hit me on a pedestrian crossing, and I saw the world going in slow motion, but same thing, I don't think I was traumatized by this event.
A year later, a guy from my high school kept bothering me the whole way on a school trip. A few months later, I'm about to get off the bus, this guy pulls me by my school bag, the driver closes the doors and starts the bus, I feel an indescribable fear, I'm tetanized, then I force myself to get out. After the event I felt a monstrous anger with a feeling that I was at the same time disconnected, as with every shocking event it took a week to come down in my head.
A few months or more later, I started to have a fear of vomiting in class, in between I went out to have fun, it's possible I took some extasy, I don't know if my classmate was joking, he told me he put some in his drink, I drank a sip mixed with coca-cola.
One summer day, I woke up, I saw the face of the aggressor in the bus, it came back to me every minute, it lasted 2 years because in the meantime, a man to whom I explained what I was going through said to me but why don't you try to imagine him behind a virtual barrier that you close with a sentence that you never pronounce in everyday life, every time you see his face you pronounce the sentence while imagining him behind this barrier. After a week, I had already had good results. I still had social anxiety, hypervigilance but the face only came back very rarely, I just had to say the sentence for a few minutes to see it disappear. It worked for a year, one morning I was watching a tv show and suddenly everything came back in an even more violent version. I started to have anxiety, impulse phobias, social phobia, hypervigilance and seeing the face of the aggressor again.
It never really went away, I went to psychiatrists, tried all the antidepressants and EMDR therapy, nothing to do, this thing is eating my life. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with post traumatic stress and did the emdr therapy told me that it is possible that during the bus attack my brain went into memory channels to search for a similar event and that it associated the noise of the bus with the noise of the cars in the car accident. He also questioned his diagnosis after the emdr therapy didn't worked
I feel like I have lost sensitivity, I don't feel emotions anymore or very little, I have regained hope by reading about MDMA therapy but I realize that I may have to wait a long time before I can benefit from it. I have lost 10 years of my life to this crap, is there any other solution than MDMA?
I have no nightmares which is weird for ptsd ?
thx
At the age of 12, we had a serious car accident in the family car, a car ran into us at 120 km/h, the shock was very brutal. My father was on the verge of death. This was probably the most serious event, but it was not the one that really traumatized me, at least I think.
When I was about 17, I was on my way to school when a car hit me on a pedestrian crossing, and I saw the world going in slow motion, but same thing, I don't think I was traumatized by this event.
A year later, a guy from my high school kept bothering me the whole way on a school trip. A few months later, I'm about to get off the bus, this guy pulls me by my school bag, the driver closes the doors and starts the bus, I feel an indescribable fear, I'm tetanized, then I force myself to get out. After the event I felt a monstrous anger with a feeling that I was at the same time disconnected, as with every shocking event it took a week to come down in my head.
A few months or more later, I started to have a fear of vomiting in class, in between I went out to have fun, it's possible I took some extasy, I don't know if my classmate was joking, he told me he put some in his drink, I drank a sip mixed with coca-cola.
One summer day, I woke up, I saw the face of the aggressor in the bus, it came back to me every minute, it lasted 2 years because in the meantime, a man to whom I explained what I was going through said to me but why don't you try to imagine him behind a virtual barrier that you close with a sentence that you never pronounce in everyday life, every time you see his face you pronounce the sentence while imagining him behind this barrier. After a week, I had already had good results. I still had social anxiety, hypervigilance but the face only came back very rarely, I just had to say the sentence for a few minutes to see it disappear. It worked for a year, one morning I was watching a tv show and suddenly everything came back in an even more violent version. I started to have anxiety, impulse phobias, social phobia, hypervigilance and seeing the face of the aggressor again.
It never really went away, I went to psychiatrists, tried all the antidepressants and EMDR therapy, nothing to do, this thing is eating my life. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with post traumatic stress and did the emdr therapy told me that it is possible that during the bus attack my brain went into memory channels to search for a similar event and that it associated the noise of the bus with the noise of the cars in the car accident. He also questioned his diagnosis after the emdr therapy didn't worked
I feel like I have lost sensitivity, I don't feel emotions anymore or very little, I have regained hope by reading about MDMA therapy but I realize that I may have to wait a long time before I can benefit from it. I have lost 10 years of my life to this crap, is there any other solution than MDMA?
I have no nightmares which is weird for ptsd ?
thx