................ I didn't in fact have a problem with people at all. I have an anxiety problem. I love people and I always have. ..............beneath that fear and anxiety - I revel in relationships and intimate/honest conversations..........I just struggle massively in dealing with them in certain situations.
I remember several years (and therapists) back, I had a T that was very concerned of my total lack of desire to try to maintain friendships. She thought I was totally without a support group because of it, gave me the "homework" of trying to find someone to trust and share my problems with.
One of the reasons I no longer see her is that she just couldn't get that I trusted no one for good reason.
When I first went to a counselor and was diagnosed with clinical depression, a blood test showed I was carrying hepatitis C around too. I shared this with my two closest friends, guys I had known and trusted for years. It must have been too much for them, they disappeared and left me flat.
I did a six month treatment that was hell on earth and voila! no more Hep C, non detectable, no threat.
After my friends stopped calling me , I minimized my contact with society in general to the point that the only people I ever talked to outside my family were gas station attendants, my doctors, the people I work with, librarians and grocery clerks.
Anyway, this therapist was concerned that with no friends to use as crying shoulders, I would only get worse. Our joke was that I should get out and try to find people that had a look of distrust in their eyes, but a longing for friendship in their hearts. Those were my people and I needed to connect.
Superjen, I think I have finally found you!;)
Seriously, I think one of our human instincts is to try as hard as we can to fit into a set of standards laid down by the groups we find ourselves in. It meant survival or death in our dimly lit history, getting voted off the island was a death sentance, our relationships with others kept us alive. Thats pretty deep wiring, and our heads (and therapists) can't ignore the desire to have friends.
The more I learn about this new PTSD diagnosis, the more I see my triggers, and maybe I am starting to agree with your point just a little bit, it's not people I fear, it's my own anxiety and my response to the trigger of rejection I fear.
Hypervigilance is most definitely the wall that keeps us from being hurt by traumatic memories, and from being hurt by repeating the same mistakes. Thats OK, in fact, I would be more concerned about not being hypervigilant when we have trauma in our past.
I think triggers bring back the awful memories and remind us to be careful, just as natural and wired in as hunger reminding us to eat and cold weather sending us back to the fire.
