Sufferer Sometimes I just wish I did not exist

[Survivor3]

Suddenly everyone falls silent.

I'm still here.

 

[Lone_Wolf]

I'm still here.

Is a sense of abandonment supposed to be a symptom of PTSD?

 

[Survivor3]

Is a sense of abandonment supposed to be a symptom of PTSD?

Not necessarily, I can't say really. But I have felt abandoned alot in my life. Its an awful feeling. Do you mind if I ask, what's your family situation like?

 

[Lone_Wolf]

Not necessarily, I can't say really. But I have felt abandoned alot in my life. Its an awful feeling. Do you mind if I ask, what's your family situation like?

I don't have a family.

 

[Survivor3]

I'm sorry, that must be very hard on you.

You mentioned that you've just left work, what did you do?

 

[Lone_Wolf]

I'm sorry, that must be very hard on you.

You mentioned that you've just left work, what did you do?

Yeah I went off work on what's termed short-term disability. I'm a truck driver for one of those giant multinational companies (I won't name it).
I enjoy the work. It's not a difficult job for me and it certainly involves little in the way of intense brain work, but I derive a feeling of accomplishment from it and I'm alone much of the day such that other workers in our toxic work environment don't interact with me much. I'm not part of the clique and never will be.
Even so, I would very much like to have friends I can confide in and who can lean on me too when they need to. I value loyalty and respect above all and am willing to give it to those who show it toward me.

 

[Survivor3]

They're great qualities to have. I'm glad you enjoyed your job. That sounds rewarding. I think that your time with the psychological therapist will be important, to have specialist one on one support. Has anyone ever talked to you about medication?

 

[Lone_Wolf]

They're great qualities to have. I'm glad you enjoyed your job. That sounds rewarding. I think that your time with the psychological therapist will be important, to have specialist one on one support. Has anyone ever talked to you about medication?

I've been on numerous antidepressants in the past for depression. This is way back prior to me finding out the root cause of the depression (C-PTSD). They would work a while and then the effects would wane. I'm currently taking CBD oil to help relax me at night. It works as long as something doesn't trigger a memory in me and cause me to become wide awake and agitated.
I agree that the therapy should be good. I'm hoping it will be. In our first one-hour session, I told him so much and he asked so many things. It felt good to have someone there to listen and take interest in helping me. When he acknowledged that what I experience when I feel catapulted to another time and place was a flashback, I felt so much relief that he understood it.

 

[Survivor3]

Yes, I understand. Quite often the first few sessions can seem really intense as it's the "Assessment phase" then it can calm down a bit as you both explore certain aspects.

I take anti-depressants at night with a mood stabaliser and then last week I started a new anti-depressant that I take in the morning. My psychiatrist wrote that I "have a history of complex trauma" with a diagnosis of "recurrent depression and anxiety ".

 

[Lone_Wolf]

Yes, I understand. Quite often the first few sessions can seem really intense as it's the "Assessment phase" then it can calm down a bit as you both explore certain aspects.

I take anti-depressants at night with a mood stabaliser and then last week I started a new anti-depressant that I take in the morning. My psychiatrist wrote that I "have a history of complex trauma" with a diagnosis of "recurrent depression and anxiety ".

Hopefully your psychiatrist is a good one. I went to see one about fifteen years ago and he was awful. It seemed like I was just a part on a conveyor belt to him.
I'm pleased with my psychologist, though. He seems really genuine.
How do you handle three meds? Any side effects?

 

[Survivor3]

I've had some terrible psychiatrists and have made complaints. I think one of them got sacked for how she treated me. But currently it's ok. I've seen the new one once so I'll just see how it goes.

3 meds... I'm OK with it.

I take alot of medication because I'm diabetic and 19 months ago I had a 4.5 hour heart attack and nearly died so... haha!!

 

[Lone_Wolf]

I've had some terrible psychiatrists and have made complaints. I think one of them got sacked for how she treated me. But currently it's ok. I've seen the new one once so I'll just see how it goes.

3 meds... I'm OK with it.

I take alot of medication because I'm diabetic and 19 months ago I had a 4.5 hour heart attack and nearly died so... haha!!

Sorry to hear about your heart attack. I'm glad you made it through.
Isn't it appalling that such medical "professionals" as the ones you alluded to actually exist? You're at a low point in your life and need a helping hand while these people seem to take an almost sadistic glee in slapping you down even further. It disgusts me.
In an oblique way, it brings to mind how superficial a lot of people are. I'm a stern-looking guy and have been told I walk around with a scowl for much of the day. I suppose you can take the man out of the military, but not the military out of the man. Anyway, once people get to know me, they find I have a soft heart toward genuine people and especially those in need of my help. But they cannot see past the outer layer. Same goes for the medical profession in reverse. People lend credence to the ones of bad character, simply because they have a degree in something, and allow themselves to be abused by them by virtue of that.
I'm glad you balked at the one who treated you terribly.