PerseveringTY
New Here
Diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression, and General Anxiety.
I don’t know how to get my husband to be less callous about mental health issues. Seeking suggestions, and support.
I’m really struggling immensely. Three sleep meds (Ambien then Lunesta, Trazodone, Prazosin) together are no match for the fear I have of falling asleep because nightmares WILL come. So I often get 2 hours on a 3 med combo. I’m having more flashbacks and intrusive thoughts than the previous 23 years combined since the original trauma before this current mess. I’m hanging on to life by a very thin thread and insulting, condescending, sarcastic manure just keeps flying out of his mouth. I ask him does he know what a flashback is like and then shared with him the two links below and he has shown zero interest in talking about it.
He did ask me one time a couple months ago what I would do if I were him and I showed him a meme about mental vs physical illness and asked that he try to treat my issues as he would a physical illness. It does have somatic symptoms in the form of sometimes intense itching when I have flashbacks and intrusive memories, so bad I end up in a scalding shower scratching until the water is used up. He rejected from the get go my suggestion that he solicited, dismissing it as irrelevant because in his words “your malady is not physical”.
I have begged him and he has flat out refused for years to learn to understand my struggles, using Gabrielle Union as a staring point for understanding sexual assault aftermath, Howie Mandel as a starting point to see I have zero OCD rituals or thoughts that interfere with work or recreation.
His rationale: “I don’t live with them, I live with you.” So he continues to trample all over my feelings, saying things such as “what’s wrong in your life that’s not in your head?”, chastises me for not getting better fast enough, and insinuates I’m not persevering with “Howie persevered, he stayed positive” when I mentioned it looks like his wife is understanding of mental health and doesn’t dole out regular insults, all while I’m in the current hell I’m in as a result of his actions (severely triggered by him 22 months ago), and continues to refuse to acknowledge his part in triggering me to the point I am today and can only ever utter “I’m sorry but....”s in insisting to this day that “nobody could have foreseen (what he did 22 months ago) it would cause a mental break down”.
***** Background: *****
Random sexual assault by total stranger in an alley 25 years ago as a teenager. Did not get therapy then and never got on meds then, but self-healed to the point of functioning perfectly normal in the “outside world” but devised an inside/outside separation for myself so when I get back home to my living space, I shower immediately and wipe down everything that needs to be brought in beyond the immediate entrance area, so I go to bed with nobody else on me.
Basically it’s you can rub the bottom of your shoes all over me out in public, I can hang with you at your house or any public establishment, just don’t come to my house because you can’t come in to use the toilet so I can’t host you. This separation allowed me to not have physical symptoms — the itching, no matter how dirty I get outside the house because I can expect it to end and I can power through the day. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts were pretty well managed and few and far between.
***** The triggering/re-traumatizing incident 22 months ago: *****
Husband (in his frustration of following my “rules” to keep inside/outside separation) stepped outside to the backyard barefoot into dirt ants dug up, came back in, whipped out his phone to record how “crazy” that made me. I’m not sure which was more triggering, the separation being violated, or the emotional betrayal of my confidence in him and disregard for a past that caused my “issues” that felt like a new assault although not sexual.
At the cost of being able to continue a profession I worked very hard to get into (it requires a medical certificate which being on psychiatric meds will disqualify me for), I recognized I was put in a very dark place and needed help this time around and sought help.
My past and the occasional itching episodes is something he has known since before we married. In fact, he experienced it over the phone with me one night when I tried and failed to ignore a minor “contamination” of my living space. A month before this triggering incident 22 months ago, we had another argument about my “inside world” clean need and he made me feel so bad I resorted to google mapping to show him the location of my assault complete with pointing to my position on the ground to remind him this happened, that’s why I am the way I’ve been, and it’s not for him to poke at or use against me. Barely a month later he does what he did, that backyard dirt thing.
I asked him yesterday: “Do you have any idea, any at all, how much pain you’d have to put someone in, for that person to resort to revisiting the scene of a traumatic past in 3-D in an attempt to get you to stop? Can you begin to imagine how triggering and re-traumatizing it was then, for you to pull that stunt of yours and aim a camera at me to record how “crazy” that made me and the amount of pain you brought? Are those tears and emotions fake in that video? “
His answer: “No one but you has told me that.” (It being triggering/re-traumatizing).
TL;DR Husband displays continued callousness about mental health struggles. Insists “nobody could have foreseen” that his actions 22 months ago could “cause a mental break down”. Says “Nobody but you has told me that” in response to my trying to tell him how triggering/re-traumatizing it was for him to do what he did. Refused for years to learn about my issues, dismissed as irrelevant my ask for him to treat mental issues as he would otherwise treat a physical illness — with sensitivity and not callousness. Shown zero interest in having a discussion about what flashbacks are like and what my days and nights have been like for nearly 2 years now. Hanging on to life by a thin thread. HELP?
I don’t know how to get my husband to be less callous about mental health issues. Seeking suggestions, and support.
I’m really struggling immensely. Three sleep meds (Ambien then Lunesta, Trazodone, Prazosin) together are no match for the fear I have of falling asleep because nightmares WILL come. So I often get 2 hours on a 3 med combo. I’m having more flashbacks and intrusive thoughts than the previous 23 years combined since the original trauma before this current mess. I’m hanging on to life by a very thin thread and insulting, condescending, sarcastic manure just keeps flying out of his mouth. I ask him does he know what a flashback is like and then shared with him the two links below and he has shown zero interest in talking about it.
He did ask me one time a couple months ago what I would do if I were him and I showed him a meme about mental vs physical illness and asked that he try to treat my issues as he would a physical illness. It does have somatic symptoms in the form of sometimes intense itching when I have flashbacks and intrusive memories, so bad I end up in a scalding shower scratching until the water is used up. He rejected from the get go my suggestion that he solicited, dismissing it as irrelevant because in his words “your malady is not physical”.
I have begged him and he has flat out refused for years to learn to understand my struggles, using Gabrielle Union as a staring point for understanding sexual assault aftermath, Howie Mandel as a starting point to see I have zero OCD rituals or thoughts that interfere with work or recreation.
His rationale: “I don’t live with them, I live with you.” So he continues to trample all over my feelings, saying things such as “what’s wrong in your life that’s not in your head?”, chastises me for not getting better fast enough, and insinuates I’m not persevering with “Howie persevered, he stayed positive” when I mentioned it looks like his wife is understanding of mental health and doesn’t dole out regular insults, all while I’m in the current hell I’m in as a result of his actions (severely triggered by him 22 months ago), and continues to refuse to acknowledge his part in triggering me to the point I am today and can only ever utter “I’m sorry but....”s in insisting to this day that “nobody could have foreseen (what he did 22 months ago) it would cause a mental break down”.
***** Background: *****
Random sexual assault by total stranger in an alley 25 years ago as a teenager. Did not get therapy then and never got on meds then, but self-healed to the point of functioning perfectly normal in the “outside world” but devised an inside/outside separation for myself so when I get back home to my living space, I shower immediately and wipe down everything that needs to be brought in beyond the immediate entrance area, so I go to bed with nobody else on me.
Basically it’s you can rub the bottom of your shoes all over me out in public, I can hang with you at your house or any public establishment, just don’t come to my house because you can’t come in to use the toilet so I can’t host you. This separation allowed me to not have physical symptoms — the itching, no matter how dirty I get outside the house because I can expect it to end and I can power through the day. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts were pretty well managed and few and far between.
***** The triggering/re-traumatizing incident 22 months ago: *****
Husband (in his frustration of following my “rules” to keep inside/outside separation) stepped outside to the backyard barefoot into dirt ants dug up, came back in, whipped out his phone to record how “crazy” that made me. I’m not sure which was more triggering, the separation being violated, or the emotional betrayal of my confidence in him and disregard for a past that caused my “issues” that felt like a new assault although not sexual.
At the cost of being able to continue a profession I worked very hard to get into (it requires a medical certificate which being on psychiatric meds will disqualify me for), I recognized I was put in a very dark place and needed help this time around and sought help.
My past and the occasional itching episodes is something he has known since before we married. In fact, he experienced it over the phone with me one night when I tried and failed to ignore a minor “contamination” of my living space. A month before this triggering incident 22 months ago, we had another argument about my “inside world” clean need and he made me feel so bad I resorted to google mapping to show him the location of my assault complete with pointing to my position on the ground to remind him this happened, that’s why I am the way I’ve been, and it’s not for him to poke at or use against me. Barely a month later he does what he did, that backyard dirt thing.
I asked him yesterday: “Do you have any idea, any at all, how much pain you’d have to put someone in, for that person to resort to revisiting the scene of a traumatic past in 3-D in an attempt to get you to stop? Can you begin to imagine how triggering and re-traumatizing it was then, for you to pull that stunt of yours and aim a camera at me to record how “crazy” that made me and the amount of pain you brought? Are those tears and emotions fake in that video? “
His answer: “No one but you has told me that.” (It being triggering/re-traumatizing).
TL;DR Husband displays continued callousness about mental health struggles. Insists “nobody could have foreseen” that his actions 22 months ago could “cause a mental break down”. Says “Nobody but you has told me that” in response to my trying to tell him how triggering/re-traumatizing it was for him to do what he did. Refused for years to learn about my issues, dismissed as irrelevant my ask for him to treat mental issues as he would otherwise treat a physical illness — with sensitivity and not callousness. Shown zero interest in having a discussion about what flashbacks are like and what my days and nights have been like for nearly 2 years now. Hanging on to life by a thin thread. HELP?
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