General Should A Ptsd Sufferer Have Children, Or Is This A Bad Idea?

[Nicolette]

I wonder if it is different if the mother has PTSD etc versus the other parent???? Just wondering if the motherly instincts and bonding make more of a difference than if the father had PTSD? Do you think a mother would naturally be more tolerant and giving to her child having PTSD herself versus the father? Just curious to male's opinions on this.... looking at the other side while the topic is raised.

 

[Froggie]

My mother definately has PTSD + bipolar and sometimes I would suspect multiple personnality (observation based on my university formation). My parents went through WW 2 as kids and my mom was raped. As for my experience as the oldest of the family, it was the kids who had almost a parent role in the family structure. We can't get near her because of her unexpected behaviors and I never let her keep my kids after the day I caught her caressing my oldest son's penis when he was a baby. Some people with PTSD do have a capacity to be good parents, others don't !

 

[becvan]

I Do you think a mother would naturally be more tolerant and giving to her child having PTSD herself versus the father?

I know I"m not a male but I just had to respond. First off.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whew. Okay all better now. I'm way less tolerant than any man I know. ROFL. I"m militant in parenting, but loving. I like the tough love approach. You know the rules and the consequences for both good or not and consistently get those consequences. You did great, you get great things, you didn't do great then you don't get great things. I bonded closely with my son because of my PTSD and his, not because I was female, or that I alone had PTSD. If anything, the PTSD would have prevented my bonding (ask my older son about that.)

Really I think it's way too individual. PTSD just affects us all too differently. I have the type where I avoid people and can't bond. Matt is an unusal case for me. Others can bond instantly. Just depends on the PTSD I think and our ability to learn as parents.

(Nic: no insults intended but thanks for the laugh! I just got a hell of a kick outta that!)

bec

 

[Nicolette]

Glad to be of assistance Bec :p.

Just my observations, and I don't know if it's because we don't see Anthony's younger children frequently, but after about 6 - 7 days Anthony starts to wear thin. It's obvious he loves the boys to death; being able to cope with them full time - I don't know.

 

[becvan]

Ah I see. Actually I have a theory on that. I think it's a matter of those of us that are single, have to. I'm used to perma-exhuastion and take frequent "mommy" time-outs. I really don't have a choice as there is no one else. I probably feel like I'm wearing thin about 20 times a day. LOL My therapist believes that once my youngest is out of the house I may have a chance at making more progress with my PTSD, as my son takes every bit of energy I have.

I also have a son that doesn't live with me and when he does come here, I'm more exhausted then usual. He is not used to my routines, how we do things here and our personalities, and the same for me with him. The change in the household can just kill me. I love him dearly but lord am I tired when he goes home! So that is probably a big thing also with Anthony. When your not used to them being there all the time, it takes double the amount of energy to deal with them.

bec

 

[hopelives]

My husband and I have 5 children. I personally dont believe if he were a sole parent he would cope. Therefore I would say that I would be concerned if the sufferer was the main care giver. But that is just my experience.Also his lack of empathy harshness can be quiet extreme at times. BUT he does love them it is very evident that he cares for them. He just can't cope with all the noise.

If you are going to have a child I would be ensuring that there is heaps of support in place and that your therapist is well aware of what is going on.

Babies are very demanding and require 24 hr self sacrifice. If you are at all selfish with your PTSD I would think again about having a child. But if you have support and you are not wearing rose colored glasses about a baby than it is something to think about.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

 

[hopelives]

My mother definately has PTSD + bipolar and sometimes I would suspect multiple personnality (observation based on my university formation). My parents went through WW 2 as kids and my mom was raped. As for my experience as the oldest of the family, it was the kids who had almost a parent role in the family structure. We can't get near her because of her unexpected behaviors and I never let her keep my kids after the day I caught her caressing my oldest son's penis when he was a baby. Some people with PTSD do have a capacity to be good parents, others don't !

Not only is that distressing to hear but I am sorry you were put in that position. :(

 

[Froggie]

Not only is that distressing to hear but I am sorry you were put in that position. :(

thank you for your compassion SOF, but the odd thing with that experience is it did not set off a CPTSD, it was as if I was immune to all that, with introspection with my T and psychiatrist was that I had understood very young that it's suppose to be adultes to have the responsibility of kids and not the opposite. The incident with my son really got to me, didn't trigger an PTSD, just damned angry - but I was able to analyse the situation in it's reality. My mom wasn't is still is unable, to assume an adulte responsibility. Assuming adult responsibilities was the core issue that got to me and caused my PTSD in 2005. society wore me down, but I'm a fighter, or I should say a defender of rights. But not a superhuman.

 

[Aine McA]

Hi im Very New and have been a sufferer for years. My Brain had blocked all truma, that was untill i had my second child, one of this first sentances was "Its alright, mummy". I loose my temper all the time. It breaks my heart. My partner is very contained and does not deal with my mood swings, I love my children so much and when im ok, its better than ok, but when im down the whole family suffers!

 

[Heather]

HI Aline I can relate to your situation. When I'm doing well my daughter does well. When I'm not doing well it definitely does affect her. The last year has really been hard and it's definitely taken a toll on her. I was in the hospital last July and she still gets upset that I might leave her again. Trying to heal from trauma definitely affects the whole family. My therapist suggested that I have her see someone as well and that's exactly what I did. take care. Heather

 

[anni]

I do think it's got to be wildly individual. I have 4 and I am sure it's my interactions with them that they have been 4 for 4 with diagnosed anxiety disorders. It wasn't a conscious choice to bring them into the world to pass on some dreadful defect, although gosh, there's no word for the guilt across the board with this. The anxiety disorders manifest variously and are controlled variously- I think will be overcome variously also. That's the bad news, since this must be where the wildly individual part comes in. Kids are kids, which means individual people in the end. Despite my PTSD they took their strengths and ran with them themselves. 2 are out of college, one went further, the 19 year old is doing well 2nd year there. Who knows about 12 year olds but he seems ok on those tracks so far. This isn't patting myself on the back, it's children of a PTSD parent who didn't do well 'regardless', they just plain did well. I was a single parent for most of these years so this was in no way due to support from any of the previous drips I dragged into their lives, either-they did it themselves. This might sound simplistic but honestly? All I feel I did was love them, gave them some basic inviable boundaries and rather expected they'd end up where they are.If you asked them, they'd say they're happy people, too.

There really are way too many variables with this to make a call on whether or not to have children if one has PTSD- I just don't think it has to necessarily preclude one from having a family, that's all.

 

[Hermit]

I can only speak for myself. My two children were born at home with midwives in attendance. Although they are now grown up and on their own, they were and ARE the best things that ever happened in my life. Children, in spite of the trials and tribulations that go with the responsibility for caring for another life, are what make life really worth living. Oh, they'll break your heart on some days, but they will also raise your spirit so high that you'll think you've died and gone to Heaven. To see them grow and learn. To see them explore their world. To hug them. To tussle their hair. To tuck them into bed and then watch them sleep. Oh, it all feels so good. Love them. Lead them. Guide them.
Oh, it hurts like hell to see them off on their own, but they are always in your heart. They will always be your little girl, or little boy.