Sexual Assault Dealing with peoples perceptions on how I dealt with trauma.

[noname1822]

I was in college when I was drugged by someone I considered to be a friend and sexually assaulted. After this I went through a period after about a year in which I was trying to regain, what I thought was regaining control of my body and sense of self, however many people have just referred to this as a hoe phase. While it did not use to bother me, some people who are now close to me are also referring to it as such and while I have tried explaining to them why I made these choices its hard for them to understand and I'm trying to be understanding of their points of view but I am now struggling to accept this part of my past and self and don't know how to accept their perceptions of me while still being able to maintain a sense of myself without guilt and shame.

 

[Sues]

Hello Noname. I'm sorry you've been going through this. Most people do not understand trauma and PTSD, and they never will no matter how much explaining you do. Talking to someone about it or even just talking about how you're trying to cope, or that you're having a bad day can be traumatizing.

That being said, I'm going to tell you that you absolutely do not have to understand your friend's points of view on how you cope with PTSD. Yes they are your friends, but they obviously cannot understand what you're going through or what you went through in the past.

Can you ask your friends to stop referring to you as a hoe? Maybe tell them that you value their friendship, but you don't want to talk about those things, and it bothers you when they talk badly about your past or try to understand what you're going through. Consider agreeing to not talk about it with them, and tell them that is the best way they can support you.

 

[Weemie]

don't know how to accept their perceptions of me

Their perceptions are not respectful of your dignity as a person, so I do not see the logic in accepting them.

 

[Movingforward10]

There is understanding trauma.
And then there is respecting a friend's request to stop calling things that happened a "hoe phase".
I.e. they don't need to understand trauma to understand that you don't like them referring to that time period like that.
If they struggle with the basics of knowing what upsets you and refraining from it, then I question their level of friendship.

Sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[No More]

You don’t need to explain yourself or justify anything to your friends.

You can ask them to stop calling it a hoe phase, as it makes you uncomfortable, and that should be enough.

 

[arfie]

i accept such glib summaries as theirs to hold while making a mental note to look elsewhere for my therapy support. may the speaker never have the insights to understand what i am going through. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

 

[caroline_13]

I was in college when I was drugged by someone I considered to be a friend and sexually assaulted. After this I went through a period after about a year in which I was trying to regain, what I thought was regaining control of my body and sense of self, however many people have just referred to this as a hoe phase. While it did not use to bother me, some people who are now close to me are also referring to it as such and while I have tried explaining to them why I made these choices its hard for them to understand and I'm trying to be understanding of their points of view but I am now struggling to accept this part of my past and self and don't know how to accept their perceptions of me while still being able to maintain a sense of myself without guilt and shame.

They should not be using these words, there are nicer people out there.