Thank You, Dad - The Impact of Father's Words on a Daughter's Self-Image

[SophieBernstein]

I have just realise that my father is always comptempting me in a subtle way.

Since I was a kid I always had problems about being a girl and I hated everything that It could aparently involve. That caused me "geder dysphoria" making me unable to see my own nude body, over all my breasts. I always knew that it was because of my misogyny but never thought were could it be from. Now, I can say some points where it could come from. First of all, because of bad experiences in my early and middle childhood about "sexual things" (I don´t know the apropiate word), and second because of my family, specially from my dad.

He is always talking about how women are manipulative, liars, false,weak, contemptible, inferior and a large list of bad charasteristics since I remember. That affected me in how I look other women and how I see myself eventhough I know that´s not true. Furthermore, when I started to show some symptoms of depression He always was saying I was an attention seeker, weak and also sometimes he told me I was faking it. It made me hide all my problems but when I sarted having uncontrollable tics he started telling me I always wanted to feel special and also making fun by imitating them, that made me feel embarrased. Also, he is all the time competing with me to demostrate He is more intelligent, or brave, or fast or whatever. Basically, I am worthless comparing to him. Also he tell me things like " I don´t care what you are saying because I know everything you can think already" "you are not responsible at all" "Without me you would be nothing" this happens ongoingly. And once I was in the psychiatrist's office and I said I wanted to leave home in a really depressed stage he replied me "where are you supposed to go? You have nowhere to go " I don´t know how is the exact traduction but it was really insulting in spanish. It was "a donde vas a ir si no tienes donde caerte muerta". I always felt i had a good relationship with him but I guess I was liying to myself. Anyways, I still love him although at the same time I hate him.

He gave me too the hability to think I don´t have any problem but i like to fake them for attention and to feel "special" like he says.

 

[Paulina]

Unfortunately, a father's attitude has an impact on girl's perception on herself. But you are now a grown up woman and it's good that you can see that your father's attitude was toxic. I would advise on working on your self -esteem.

 

[caroline_13]

I have just realise that my father is always comptempting me in a subtle way.

Since I was a kid I always had problems about being a girl and I hated everything that It could aparently involve. That caused me "geder dysphoria" making me unable to see my own nude body, over all my breasts. I always knew that it was because of my misogyny but never thought were could it be from. Now, I can say some points where it could come from. First of all, because of bad experiences in my early and middle childhood about "sexual things" (I don´t know the apropiate word), and second because of my family, specially from my dad.

He is always talking about how women are manipulative, liars, false,weak, contemptible, inferior and a large list of bad charasteristics since I remember. That affected me in how I look other women and how I see myself eventhough I know that´s not true. Furthermore, when I started to show some symptoms of depression He always was saying I was an attention seeker, weak and also sometimes he told me I was faking it. It made me hide all my problems but when I sarted having uncontrollable tics he started telling me I always wanted to feel special and also making fun by imitating them, that made me feel embarrased. Also, he is all the time competing with me to demostrate He is more intelligent, or brave, or fast or whatever. Basically, I am worthless comparing to him. Also he tell me things like " I don´t care what you are saying because I know everything you can think already" "you are not responsible at all" "Without me you would be nothing" this happens ongoingly. And once I was in the psychiatrist's office and I said I wanted to leave home in a really depressed stage he replied me "where are you supposed to go? You have nowhere to go " I don´t know how is the exact traduction but it was really insulting in spanish. It was "a donde vas a ir si no tienes donde caerte muerta". I always felt i had a good relationship with him but I guess I was liying to myself. Anyways, I still love him although at the same time I hate him.

He gave me too the hability to think I don´t have any problem but i like to fake them for attention and to feel "special" like he says.

Sounds a lot like my dad. My life has gotten exponentially better since I don't allow him access to me.

 

[phoenixrisingagain]

I have just realise that my father is always comptempting me in a subtle way.

Since I was a kid I always had problems about being a girl and I hated everything that It could aparently involve. That caused me "geder dysphoria" making me unable to see my own nude body, over all my breasts. I always knew that it was because of my misogyny but never thought were could it be from. Now, I can say some points where it could come from. First of all, because of bad experiences in my early and middle childhood about "sexual things" (I don´t know the apropiate word), and second because of my family, specially from my dad.

He is always talking about how women are manipulative, liars, false,weak, contemptible, inferior and a large list of bad charasteristics since I remember. That affected me in how I look other women and how I see myself eventhough I know that´s not true. Furthermore, when I started to show some symptoms of depression He always was saying I was an attention seeker, weak and also sometimes he told me I was faking it. It made me hide all my problems but when I sarted having uncontrollable tics he started telling me I always wanted to feel special and also making fun by imitating them, that made me feel embarrased. Also, he is all the time competing with me to demostrate He is more intelligent, or brave, or fast or whatever. Basically, I am worthless comparing to him. Also he tell me things like " I don´t care what you are saying because I know everything you can think already" "you are not responsible at all" "Without me you would be nothing" this happens ongoingly. And once I was in the psychiatrist's office and I said I wanted to leave home in a really depressed stage he replied me "where are you supposed to go? You have nowhere to go " I don´t know how is the exact traduction but it was really insulting in spanish. It was "a donde vas a ir si no tienes donde caerte muerta". I always felt i had a good relationship with him but I guess I was liying to myself. Anyways, I still love him although at the same time I hate him.

He gave me too the hability to think I don´t have any problem but i like to fake them for attention and to feel "special" like he says.

I had a similar dynamic with my father. I am very sorry for your pain. His father- my grandfather- had epilepsy from being hit on his head. Of course he became abusive. I have a seizure risk from a craniotomy done in May 2014. An acquired TBI. Nine years later I am seizure free and have refrained the mess as I am my grandfather's legacy. It took major compliance with doctors to achieve this. My father lives 1900 miles away. I have forgiven him and myself to the best of my ability. The only thing I want is to talk on phone occasionally. He is 86.

 

[SophieBernstein]

The only thing I want is to talk on phone occasionally. He is 86.

But why would you talk with someone who is alwais making you anxious or upset?

 

[phoenixrisingagain]

But why would you talk with someone who is alwais making you anxious or upset?

I had to get an order of protection against him back in 10/18. I was tapered to a lower dose of my anti epilectic meds. He tried to force his way in my apt. I had filed for chap 13 due to medical expenses. It was to be filed in 2/19. Creditors called him. He was angry blaming me. I could have had a seizure. Fast forward to today. I believe he knew there was not many chances left with me. My mother died in 11/21. I know she had a talk with my brother- the Golden child- and my father. He made the effort to talk to me reasonably after that. I did too. My bankruptcy ends in 1/24. He may leave me money when he passes. Due to my help from my bankruptcy firm I have been given the option to file a document refusing the money. Not sure yet.

Forgiveness is not black and white.