Why being ignored makes me HYSTERICAL!

[Sunnydays1]

In two occasions:

1-
If I sense that a person whether it’s a friend or not, is not opening or responding to my texts for more than a day, I’ll conclude that they don’t want me, and is ignoring me on purpose.

2-
Example: when me and my friend AGREE on having video call in the morning (distant friendship), and then I’m looking forward to our call and I force myself out of bed and I’m ready, I text her, no answer, then hours later she tells me she has her period and is not feeling well.. at this point I’m not upset, only disappointed, then comes tomorrow I text if she’s free to call? She says yes in an hour, after 1 hour I text she apologizes saying she has a phone call, then I tell her ok, do I wait for you? She says no I’m still not feeling well..

At this point I’m steaming, because she shouldn’t have told me to call after 1 hour if she’s still not well?!
I get hyped up over nothing, and at she’s not respecting my time.

I know I’m over reacting in being upset, but isn’t this what having a traumatic history is about?

My question:
What kind of trauma is this that makes me over sensitive in such silly situations?

 

[Rose White]

What kind of trauma is this that makes me over sensitive in such silly situations?

To me your friend sounds like a jerk and your anger and frustration is important info. Personally I would take a break from this relationship, re-evaluate, and focus on other friends.

 

[silverlinings1069]

What kind of trauma is this that makes me over sensitive in such silly situations?

For me, part of it is trauma and part of it is my ADHD (and autism) I think. I am very impatient. I expect everyone to respond the way I do and that is not practical or even reasonable. With me as well, I have been ignored for so long by everyone (my family as a child; my ex husband in my 13 year marriage) that I just want one person to do what they say, to not forget me. I want one person to be there the way I am there for them and that is not reasonable either, I think. I don't fully understand why I am this way but I think I am getting close. But I am very much like this. I used to take it very personally and eliminate them from my life because I was so hurt (that might be my autism at play). It is a very lonely existence. One I am working on everyday to improve. Post if you find any good answers. I'm always looking as well. Thank you for the post.

 

[Friday]

My question:
What kind of trauma is this that makes me over sensitive in such silly situations?

Like the toilet paper being on backwards, someone breathing “wrong”, or not using the phone “right”… that’s usually StressCup stuff… rather than any particular kind of trauma.

Many people with PTSD struggle to understand why they fly off the handle at such little things, i.e., the toilet roll is around the wrong way, someone walked in front of you, that stranger looked at you, etc etc. The reason is actually quite simple, and easier to show than often explain, why those with PTSD tend to get angry quicker, more easily, and faster than others at little stupid things.

 

[silverlinings1069]

that’s usually StressCup stuff

I just read about this 20 minutes ago. Holy cow YES! But it did state for "stupid things". Does someone not letting you know they are busy while you wait and wait and wait a "stupid thing"? What counts as a "stupid thing" or am I getting caught up in the words? When does a person's behavior become something that I am allowed to get upset about and address? Is it just my hypersensitivity? I have no clue!! I have never been taught this or even been made aware until just recently that I was like this or that it was even a thing. I am now addressing it with the people in my life but even with them - what is acceptable and what isn't? What is my role? How am I supposed to act? I do not understand the "rules" for friendships, romantic partners, etc. and communicating.

 

[arfie]

in my own therapy sessions, that hysteria is mini-me not quite healed from feeling like an invisible child. those would be the same therapy sessions which attributed my delayed speech development to the fact that i believed no one was listening. at least i think that was what those big-worded pros were saying. the machine translators on my laptop are still baffled by THOSE translations. maybe the translators on my cell phone are better. those keys are so small that i keep fat fingering them.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you sort your own case,.

 

[No More]

Does someone not letting you know they are busy while you wait and wait and wait a "stupid thing"?

Well, there’s a 100 perfectly good reasons why they might not reply straight away. Like being out of signal and not getting the message, or driving, or dealing with an emergency, or being in a meeting, or accidentally not sending the reply text.

So yes, I would say being irritated by not getting an immediate reply isn’t ‘stupid’ but it isn’t an appropriate reaction to the situation.

 

[Friday]

Does someone not letting you know they are busy while you wait and wait and wait a "stupid thing"? What counts as a "stupid thing" or am I getting caught up in the words?

Is there a difference between a stupid thing or a silly thing (your words in your OP)? Or are they both scaling/sizing words?

If stupid bugs you? Reverse it. Or substitute it.

Is it smart or silly to lose your (self control, temper, self confidence, etc.) when someone does something “wrong” like using different phone etiquette, or the toilet paper roll is on backwards… instead of something “wrong” like abuse/murder/rape?

 

[Rose White]

irritated by not getting an immediate reply isn’t ‘stupid’ but it isn’t an appropriate reaction to the situation

A pattern of ignoring others, particularly friends or loved ones, is a red flag. (Isolated incidences are different.). Also what is considered ignoring by one person might not be an issue for others. I used to like being ignored because it fed into my delusion that I was worthless. I sought out friendships with people who ignored me or smothered me. Eventually I learned that there are people who care about both responding and respecting time and space, and that I could learn those skills as well.

 

[Rose White]

Addendum: OP didn’t expect an immediate reply, they were just expecting their friend to do what they said, or at least give notice that they couldn’t talk. Leaving OP hanging and especially for the reasons they gave, was rude in my opinion. It’s not hard to give notice when I can’t hold up my side of an agreement, no matter how inconsequential the activity was—my friend’s emotions are held in high regard and I don’t want to cause them anxiety if I can help it.

 

[silverlinings1069]

Nevermind. This is not addressing what I was asking. But I appreciate the attempt.

 

[Sunnydays1]

Addendum: OP didn’t expect an immediate reply, they were just expecting their friend to do what they said, or at least give notice that they couldn’t talk. Leaving OP hanging and especially for the reasons they gave, was rude in my opinion. It’s not hard to give notice when I can’t hold up my side of an agreement, no matter how inconsequential the activity was—my friend’s emotions are held in high regard and I don’t want to cause them anxiety if I can help it.

Thank you Rose White! Very well said how you’ve explained my side of it.