How do your memory issues play out?

[Ecdysis]

@Ecdysis our experiences sound particularly similar... can I ask, when you went to the neurologist, how much did you explain about your dissociative disorder? Did you even mention it?

I just said that I have PTSD and am currently experiencing pretty bad depression and that my memory loss and concentration issues are really, really bad and that I want to rule out whether it may be early onset dementia or any other neurological issue.

The neurologist I saw was pretty dismissive and just said "It's the depression."

That was 2 years ago.

I had the brain scan after that through my GP because he was worried too and because the neurologist being so dismissive was not very reassuring... sigh.

In the two years since, I've not developed any further signs that it could be early onset dementia.

So I guess it really is depression + PTSD + multitasking + peri-menopause.

It is very unsettling if you exeprience it this strongly for the first time in your life. I felt like I didn't even recognise myself anymore.

 

[katz]

My memory of parts of my childhood, like so many here, isn't very good and never has been.

My everyday memory has been getting worse over the past few years - specifically last 3 years. Even more specifically last few months. I'm in my early 40s.

When I say memory I'm talking about my ability to remember everyday things. Every day, I have no idea where I've parked the car. Even though I parked it either earlier in the day or within 24 hours. I know this happens to alot of people but for me it's EVERYDAY. Even when it's infront of the house. Sometimes when I locate it I can't even remember that I'd parked it at that location. My work is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I can't handle all the memory requirements and so the level of my work is getting worse. I walk into a room and may not remember why I entered. People talk to me about things we talked about or even did in the last few months and sometimes I can't remember. I used to be able to hold and work with so much information - juggle so much. I now have lost the ability to do that because of my memory/ cognitive difficulties. Things just fade away in my mind... Like sand through fingers. Info dissolves.

I'm going their early menopause (in the peri stage) and my brain fog is through the roof.

But my question to myself is: could all the memory and cognitive issues be from trauma? Could they be down to a DDNOS diagnosis? Could it be purely peri-menopause? Is it early dementia or something similar? And what the hell can I do to improve it - I'm scared.

My question to others: does anyone relate? What is your experience of and understanding of your own memory issues?

Thanks

I go thru this too. I have so much "bad" from my childhood, that it is hard to even know where to start. My memory has been terrible for as long as I can remember. I am only now starting to know what happened back then. I still don't feel much of the emotions, but I can tell you the story. I always have to remind myself that my mind/emotions will only remember what I can handle at the time. I'm over 60 now and am still waiting for most of the emotions and mourning to come.

As to the memory loss of everyday stuff, I can really relate. I have forgotten where I parked and what door I went into at the store. It has been hard, but I have a list of things that work for me. Example: I always park in the same row when I go to the store. I put things where I want them, not where they might belong. This way life is arranged in the way that is easier for me to remember- no matter how bad my memory gets. I know that it is odd for other people, but if it keeps me feeling better about myself - then it is worth it. Even my office is done in a way that works for me.

--if you feel bad about forgetting, find a way that works for you. Don't worry if it is odd. As long as it works for you. Feeling better about yourself and more in control of your life-and belongings - can help a lot.

 

[Ecdysis]

I park in those multi-story car parks in the city a lot... And everytime, before I leave the car to go to my appointment, I take a photo of it with my phone, where the number of the car space is visible in the photo, so I know what story and what space I can find my car at.

Maybe that's something you can do each time you park it @beaneeboo ? Just take a photo of it, with enough info/ details visible in the background so you can tell where it is?

 

[Freddyt]

I take a photo of it with my phone,

Yup use the tools you have available.......mobile phones are great for reminders and calendars and photos and all that stuff where you don't have to remember - especially when you are going to stressful appointments etc.

There are also "find my way back" GPS apps where you can leave a virtual crumb trail back to wherever too.

 

[Killahleen]

My memory of parts of my childhood, like so many here, isn't very good and never has been.

For something that affected me a year ago, to a daily basis, I have brain fog since my subconscious forces me not to remember what made me hurt, I don’t remember where I would place things, I lack concentration, motivation, and it hasn’t improved

 

[beaneeboo]

For something that affected me a year ago, to a daily basis, I have brain fog since my subconscious forces me not to remember what made me hurt, I don’t remember where I would place things, I lack concentration, motivation, and it hasn’t improved

That's interesting, though obviouslyI'm sorry you're experiencing it esp as a result of trauma... I hope you can find support for it... have you tried any strategies to help? If you read back through this thread there are many suggested!

 

[beaneeboo]

I just said that I have PTSD and am currently experiencing pretty bad depression and that my memory loss and concentration issues are really, really bad and that I want to rule out whether it may be early onset dementia or any other neurological issue.

The neurologist I saw was pretty dismissive and just said "It's the depression."

That was 2 years ago.

I had the brain scan after that through my GP because he was worried too and because the neurologist being so dismissive was not very reassuring... sigh.

In the two years since, I've not developed any further signs that it could be early onset dementia.

So I guess it really is depression + PTSD + multitasking + peri-menopause.

It is very unsettling if you exeprience it this strongly for the first time in your life. I felt like I didn't even recognise myself anymore.

Sorry I don't know how I missed this post (and subsequent ones). Well I do, I have a dissociative disorder but normally I'm quite good at not missing posts etc.

I'm glad you haven't had any further cognitive symptoms.. that in itself is reassuring for dementia.

I really do know exactly how you feel about all of it. It messes with your identity and is a scary position to be in.

I do take comfort that someone around my age (44) is experiencing these things. We won't be alone either.

I'm thinking of getting a whole load of strategies in place to manage my issues. Though I think I've started to do that before and then forgot.

 

[beaneeboo]

I go thru this too. I have so much "bad" from my childhood, that it is hard to even know where to start. My memory has been terrible for as long as I can remember. I am only now starting to know what happened back then. I still don't feel much of the emotions, but I can tell you the story. I always have to remind myself that my mind/emotions will only remember what I can handle at the time. I'm over 60 now and am still waiting for most of the emotions and mourning to come.

As to the memory loss of everyday stuff, I can really relate. I have forgotten where I parked and what door I went into at the store. It has been hard, but I have a list of things that work for me. Example: I always park in the same row when I go to the store. I put things where I want them, not where they might belong. This way life is arranged in the way that is easier for me to remember- no matter how bad my memory gets. I know that it is odd for other people, but if it keeps me feeling better about myself - then it is worth it. Even my office is done in a way that works for me.

--if you feel bad about forgetting, find a way that works for you. Don't worry if it is odd. As long as it works for you. Feeling better about yourself and more in control of your life-and belongings - can help a lot.

Sorry for your experience of this too. Though it sounds like you have some great strategies to help out which work for you. And yes absolutely don't worry about what others think of your strategies. In truth, trauma or not, most people have their own strategies to remember things.

You have highlighted a very important point about feeling in control of our lives. Difficulties with memory problems really messes with that sense of control. And therefore sense of agency. And identify. So using strategies which work is really important to try to get that back.

At them moment I feel like me life is in control of me and not vice versa.

 

[beaneeboo]

Maybe that's something you can do each time you park it @beaneeboo ? Just take a photo of it, with enough info/ details visible in the background so you can tell where it is?

Yes! I'm going to do this! Will let you know how I get on.

Part of the issue for me is, in the moment, esp if I'm rushing, I don't account for the fact I need to make a concerted effort to remember e.g parking. And it feels like there is no way in hell i won't remember where I've parked - esp when it's on my own road. But apparently not.

Just got to get into the routine and habit of it.

 

[Ecdysis]

Heh yes... I'm constantly forgetting/ underestimating the amount of extra help I need to give my brain to remember everything too...

I think it's helpful tho, if you can view it as benign muddledness and even see the funny side of it sometimes, as opposed to being judgemental of yourself and playing internal horror scenarios like it could be early onset dementia.

I've found that I've had to adjust my life to this new way of being... I've had to accept I'm no longer the multi-tasking expert that can have a hundred things going on in my head and juggling all of them... And the people in my life have had to adjust to me being late and forgetful and muddled a lot too. Adjusting to that hasn't felt particularly enjoyable, but it has been helpful and now I feel less stressed and anxious about it.

 

[beaneeboo]

I think it's helpful tho, if you can view it as benign muddledness and even see the funny side of it sometimes, as opposed to being judgemental of yourself and playing internal horror scenarios like it could be early onset dementia.

Totally agree! I'm trying... My son (12) laughs about it with me and he's coming from a good place...

I've found that I've had to adjust my life to this new way of being... I've had to accept I'm no longer the multi-tasking expert that can have a hundred things going on in my head and juggling all of them...

this 100%

And the people in my life have had to adjust to me being late and forgetful and muddled a lot too.

oooooh .... I like this. Going to adopt it too!

Adjusting to that hasn't felt particularly enjoyable, but it has been helpful and now I feel less stressed and anxious about it.

Well done you... it sounds healthy. I'm going to take a leaf out of your book!