What does my inner child seeks?

[maybeiamabear]

I don't have a lot of strength - to put alphabets together into words, words into sentences. It feels awfully tiring. I was doing well today morning, got up, made my breakfast, masturbated - completed morning work related tasks.

And then suddenly because anxiety had taken a back seat, I messaged her - after saying that I will not be able to talk to her again because I get too attached and feeling emotionally overwhelmed because she was not in the same boat as me, she does not want a committed relationship or per se the intensity differs i.e. I started feeling A LOT for her while for her I was a part of her life. For me I started priortizing her above other parts of my life.

I don't know why I start doing that, priortizing women who offer me little love - because I feel so lovesick that when I get little bit of love, it feels like the world to me. I want to feel loved. I want to be the center of attention in someone's life. I want to feel important.

Because at home I don't feel important. Lately I figured that my father has been manipulative and he stops talking to me when I don't give him money for his whims and loss making business.

That makes me extremely lonely. Since my mum has schizophrenia. It's practically just me and my brother. I am grateful for my brother.

I feel upset at the loss of a possibility. Loss that I will never be with P - with whom I just synced naturally, everything synced except our intensity except my anxiety except how feel so much - except how she still has a relatively functional family and I don't and she chooses to not get swept away by love while I do because I come from a broken family. And I continue to feel ashamed about that. Feel ashamed that I still get sucidal ideation - just thoughts, just this wish to not be in so much pain. And I really want to live but I am tired of my loneliness, my shame - that despite how far I have come in life, how much stability i have achieved - people will only see me as a function of my family.

It's not because I view myself like that. People also do - because capitalism. Okay bye.

 

[arfie]

Because at home I don't feel important.

both as a mental health patient and as a foster mother, this is a critical element. in my own case, i worked the inner child theories concurrently with learning parenting skills. when a child feels unimportant, expect the unexpected. the responses of individual children vary wildly, but the common factor remains that if the child feels unimportant, they will not trust far enough to let anyone near their wounds, be the wound a skinned knee or a broken brain. carrying this body of feelings through the onslaught of changes brought on my adolescence and finding your place in the adult world is ? ? ? mindf*cky? ? ?

And I really want to live but I am tired of my loneliness, my shame - that despite how far I have come in life, how much stability i have achieved - people will only see me as a function of my family.

be the wounded child a foster child or my own inner child, i believe helping the child feel important is placing themselves beyond what other people think, say or do. your healing is not about other people, my precious jewel. live out loud. stay true to you.

 

[wfcs]

I don't have a lot of strength - to put alphabets together into words, words into sentences. It feels awfully tiring. I was doing well today morning, got up, made my breakfast, masturbated - completed morning work related tasks.

And then suddenly because anxiety had taken a back seat, I messaged her - after saying that I will not be able to talk to her again because I get too attached and feeling emotionally overwhelmed because she was not in the same boat as me, she does not want a committed relationship or per se the intensity differs i.e. I started feeling A LOT for her while for her I was a part of her life. For me I started priortizing her above other parts of my life.

I don't know why I start doing that, priortizing women who offer me little love - because I feel so lovesick that when I get little bit of love, it feels like the world to me. I want to feel loved. I want to be the center of attention in someone's life. I want to feel important.

Because at home I don't feel important. Lately I figured that my father has been manipulative and he stops talking to me when I don't give him money for his whims and loss making business.

That makes me extremely lonely. Since my mum has schizophrenia. It's practically just me and my brother. I am grateful for my brother.

I feel upset at the loss of a possibility. Loss that I will never be with P - with whom I just synced naturally, everything synced except our intensity except my anxiety except how feel so much - except how she still has a relatively functional family and I don't and she chooses to not get swept away by love while I do because I come from a broken family. And I continue to feel ashamed about that. Feel ashamed that I still get sucidal ideation - just thoughts, just this wish to not be in so much pain. And I really want to live but I am tired of my loneliness, my shame - that despite how far I have come in life, how much stability i have achieved - people will only see me as a function of my family.

It's not because I view myself like that. People also do - because capitalism. Okay bye.

My mother is also schizophrenic and my dad is verbally physically abusive. I'm finding im being triggered when entering hospitals and don't know why. I don't have any friends and it is extremely difficult to talk to people about this. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with triggers as your story is similar to mine. Thanks

 

[maybeiamabear]

My mother is also schizophrenic and my dad is verbally physically abusive. I'm finding im being triggered when entering hospitals and don't know why. I don't have any friends and it is extremely difficult to talk to people about this. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with triggers as your story is similar to mine. Thanks

Have you tried building physical boundaries with your family

 

[Sideways]

That makes me extremely lonely.

Loneliness is really common, and can be a big contributor to poor physical and mental health.

What opportunities can you find in the community to become more physically involved with real people? Having a big, stronger social support network can have a big range of incredibly powerful healing effects for ptsd.

Getting involved is a bit like a form of medication that we often neglect, but can make life a lot more worthwhile, provide a powerful buffer from distress, and reduce symptoms overall.

 

[wfcs]

Have you tried building physical boundaries with your family

Yes I have. I just started realising I could have triggers that I just don't know how to either stop or at least not affect me so greatly. Don't know what to do at this stage.
They are becoming so frequent and I find myself debilitated and depressed.