Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Intrusive Thoughts - Ending a 10 Year Relationship

[CazzTheGeek]

It's good that your talking(writing) about it cazz. And yes it's painful isn't it. But from what you've said, your (ex) partner still really cares about you. And that's really beautiful. It's a different kind of love.

Thanks for the reply. It is, we've always had a solid foundation. It's why I thought we could work things out. I know we can rebuild it into a friendship but living with him, seeing him with another. I don't know how I'm meant to get through that.

 

[Survivor3]

Thanks for the reply. It is. We've always had a solid foundation. It's why I thought we could work things out. I know we can rebuild it into a friendship, but living with him, seeing him with another. I don't know how I'm meant to get through that.

Yes, I hear you. It's hard not to be...."jealous" for want of better words. And I don't have any magic words to take away the pain, but you'll make new friends cazz in the future, and counselling will help you to cope with your thoughts and feelings. After about 12/18 months of going to the Buddhist centre, a young woman (L) came up to me (we'd spoken a few times before), and said "I was hoping we could be friends"? No one had ever said that to me before! Ever!

She was beautiful and intelligent and we started hanging out. Going out for coffee and meals, chatting and getting to know each other. I started developing feelings for her but deep down I knew being romantically involved would probably ruin things. Being best friends would last forever. And that's what we are now. Best friends. I learnt that that's more important. I do love her and respect her but as a friend. And she's talked to me about people she's dated and been in relationships with but I don't get jealous anymore.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Yes, I hear you. It's hard not to be...."jealous" for want of better words. And I don't have any magic words to take away the pain, but you'll make new friends cazz in the future, and counselling will help you to cope with your thoughts and feelings. After about 12/18 months of going to the Buddhist centre, a young woman (L) came up to me (we'd spoken a few times before), and said "I was hoping we could be friends"? No one had ever said that to me before! Ever!

She was beautiful and intelligent and we started hanging out. Going out for coffee and meals, chatting and getting to know each other. I started developing feelings for her but deep down I knew being romantically involved would probably ruin things. Being best friends would last forever. And that's what we are now. Best friends. I learnt that that's more important. I do love her and respect her but as a friend. And she's talked to me about people she's dated and been in relationships with but I don't get jealous anymore.

Thanks, hearing stories how you and others have overcome pain, heartbreak and mental health. Inspires me and takes away the pain a little.

I know if we wasn't living together things would be easier for me to handle, I'd be able to focus on me in my own space, that has nothing to do with him. I'll be able to start looking for a place in four months.

 

[Survivor3]

Is it possible you could maybe write a list of things you could do over the next 4 months? Things to get involved with to give you focus and structure so that you don't fall into too much negative thinking? It could be anything like art drawing and painting etc...you can buy "how to" books off amazon or from the shop "works". I'm just trying to think of things too pass the time that you may enjoy. Are there any courses going on where you live? It could be anything to get you out the house and meet people.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Is it possible you could maybe write a list of things you could do over the next 4 months? Things to get involved with to give you focus and structure so that you don't fall into too much negative thinking? It could be anything like art drawing and painting etc...you can buy "how to" books off amazon or from the shop "works". I'm just trying to think of things too pass the time that you may enjoy. Are there any courses going on where you live? It could be anything to get you out the house and meet people.

There are things and I know what they are but struggling to do them, I've definitely hit the depression stage of grief. I found a womens only boxing class, besides that I've looked up things to do in the local area and there's nothing. I live in a area thats the equivalent of Florida for old and retired people.

There's classes but everything's for over 50s, no divorce meeting groups or anything. I did find stuff close but I wouldn't be able to attend and get back home. (I don't drive and rely on public transport).

Once I move, these things will be widely available for me and I will be checking them out.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

If anyone is around, I can use some love and advice. My ex has started to stay out overnight with his new girlfriend. I'm so disgusted and heartbroken, I feel really low and I'm worried about doing something stupid again like drinking or worse.

 

[Survivor3]

If anyone is around, I can use some love and advice. My ex has started to stay out overnight with his new girlfriend. I'm so disgusted and heartbroken, I feel really low and I'm worried about doing something stupid again like drinking or worse.

Hiya cazz, sorry to hear your feeling that way. Wanna talk? I'll be up for a while.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Hey @Survivor3 , thanks for reaching out. I'm on a train right now, trying not to burst into tears. Just left my friends place and I didn't want to leave. I'm struggling so much with my situation. Living with him whilst he moves on and sleeps with someone else. Everyday is like living in a nightmare.

 

[Survivor3]

Hey @Survivor3 , thanks for reaching out. I'm on a train right now, trying not to burst into tears. Just left my friends place and I didn't want to leave. I'm struggling so much with my situation. Living with him whilst he moves on and sleeps with someone else. Everyday is like living in a nightmare.

I've experienced similar emotional pain. So I know what kind of a mindf*ck it is. were you at your friends all day?

 

[CazzTheGeek]

I've experienced similar emotional pain. So I know what kind of a mindf*ck it is. were you at your friends all day?

Most of it, my ex went out last night, told me to text him if I need anything from the shop and he'd be back later, he didn't come back at all. The he woke me up this morning grabbing some clothes (still stored in my room). I was worried sick all night, we had it out and he calls me an asshole. Then comes back an aplogies. Then calls me at my friends, upset and wanted to talk. All I want to do is scream and get away from it.

 

[Nairobi]

I am very sorry Cazz. My ex husband cheated on me with a friend and I remember that terrible pain when I saw them togethers.
In that moment I was thinking that I would never forget him and the pain would never end, but now I have forgotten him in that way. I can see him with his new girlfriend without pain and I think in another person
So stay strong, this pain Will not be forever. I am here to talk

 

[Survivor3]

Most of it, my ex went out last night, told me to text him if I need anything from the shop and he'd be back later, he didn't come back at all. The he woke me up this morning grabbing some clothes (still stored in my room). I was worried sick all night, we had it out and he calls me an asshole. Then comes back an aplogies. Then calls me at my friends, upset and wanted to talk. All I want to do is scream and get away from it.

I hear you. That's bad behaviour, no wonder it affected you. And it sounds like it's making an awkward situation worse. "Fuel on the fire" so to speak. And making you worry, then calling you at your friends wanting to talk about it. Yep, I get it.