Trying to find… someone I guess.

[captain jigglypuff]

Just being able to talk someone who can relate to what I’ve been through is good enough for me right now

 

[DanM96$$]

Just being able to talk someone who can relate to what I’ve been through is good enough for me right now

Ok. Sounds good. I have to go right now. I will be back soon.

 

[S800]

Wife and I are both PTSD survivors. Something we noticed when we finally moved to a much safer (nonlethal) area was, just how uneasy we seemed to make people in public places. Dont think it was our general appearance as much as we tend to move in very deliberate ways, and we're not afraid to size people up right to their face if they don't get the hint.

Part of the problem causing this sort of disconnect is the same one that causes friends to completely miss how badly we're doing: because we've basically been conditioned to protect any and all vulnerabilities by a hypervigilant nervous system. Outwardly, people seem to take this as, "They have their shit together. So composed. They surely dont need help." ...but they don't speak our "language", and if you're anything like us, trying to explain it to most people feels like theyre just taking it personally, or completely missing the mark.

 

[DanM96$$]

Wife and I are both PTSD survivors. Something we noticed when we finally moved to a much safer (nonlethal) area was, just how uneasy we seemed to make people in public places. Dont think it was our general appearance as much as we tend to move in very deliberate ways, and we're not afraid to size people up right to their face if they don't get the hint.

Part of the problem causing this sort of disconnect is the same one that causes friends to completely miss how badly we're doing: because we've basically been conditioned to protect any and all vulnerabilities by a hypervigilant nervous system. Outwardly, people seem to take this as, "They have their shit together. So composed. They surely dont need help." ...but they don't speak our "language", and if you're anything like us, trying to explain it to most people feels like theyre just taking it personally, or completely missing the mark.

To be honest the struggle really does make sense. I think what’s tough for me personally is just… on top of what I’m struggling with in PTSD, I’m very in touch with my emotions. Meaning I cry. A lot. It’s a strength yes. That cannot be denied. It’s just… I dunno. I don’t really know why I can’t seem to get anyone.

Not that it defines my worth to clarify. It just feels weird to not have anyone reciprocate while all my other friends just seem to just blink and “boom” they get relationships falling to them.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

Sometimes I feel like I missed my chance of ever meeting anyone who would want me and should just give up trying at my age.

 

[DanM96$$]

Sometimes I feel like I missed my chance of ever meeting anyone who would want me and should just give up trying at my age.

Honestly I’m 27 and I’ve never even had someone to even tell me I’m more interested in talking to you than anything.

Like I’ve had conversations with girls, but it’s like as soon as I express any interest I get ghosted even if I mention to be friends.

So not only do I get rejected, but I get denied friendships too.

 

[DanM96$$]

Sometimes I feel like I missed my chance of ever meeting anyone who would want me and should just give up trying at my age.

And like on top of that more of my “friends” post themselves getting MARRIED like it’s nothing! Like “boom!” THAT happened. And here I am just trying to understand what it is to get ONE date.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

Honestly I’m 27 and I’ve never even had someone to even tell me I’m more interested in talking to you than anything.

Like I’ve had conversations with girls, but it’s like as soon as I express any interest I get ghosted even if I mention to be friends.

So not only do I get rejected, but I get denied friendships too.

You think it’s hard to be 27 and perpetually single? Try being 40 and only going on seven dates your entire life. And never having anyone who you could call your partner.

 

[DanM96$$]

You think it’s hard to be 27 and perpetually single? Try being 40 and only going on seven dates your entire life.

Right. Sorry I didn’t mean to intrude. I wasn’t meaning to say what I said. That was unfair if it I came across as if I compared our experiences. *sigh* I was meaning to just say my perspective and story.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

Right. Sorry I didn’t mean to intrude. I wasn’t meaning to say what I said. That was unfair if it I came across as if I compared our experiences. *sigh* I was meaning to just say my perspective and story.

I understand. I was just saying that it isn’t any easier to be perpetually single as you get older. At 27, you still have hope. For me I’m beginning to lose it because who wants to be with someone who’s 40 and never even had one romantic relationship before and literally knows nothing about having one when you could have someone who has more experience?

 

[DanM96$$]

I understand. I was just saying that it isn’t any easier to be perpetually single as you get older. At 27, you still have hope. For me I’m beginning to lose it because who wants to be with someone who’s 40 and never even had one romantic relationship before and literally knows nothing about having one when you could have someone who has more experience?

Hmm. Well. I can’t exactly speak to that. I am younger. However, I think one thing that has been helpful for me is I think to have a strong sense of self. I know… that’s used everywhere. “Just love yourself” to that, I say I already do. I’ve survived trauma. I’ve made it for myself. And MYSELF ONLY. And/or whoever you find a higher power in. And I will say really reflecting on what you need. For me, it’s losing body fat and starting weight lifting. For you it could be anything else. Something that captures your soul. And even though I’m single, I think what keeps me going is not how old I am… but just the people I meet. And how I need to evaluate the people I need in my life.

 

[Rose White]

I think focusing on friendships is the key to finding a partner. If you can successfully connect and maintain a satisfying friendship those skills can transfer to romantic relationships. Intimate partnerships are still tricky but friendship skills are super helpful.