What about object constancy?

[mickbu]

I wonder if you have experiences/symptoms about object (in)constancy. If you're unaware of the term, look it up on wikipedia. I just recently became aware of this topic which really is its own well of suffering to me. It basically has to do with people still being the same when you are lonely or upset. I usually get thoughts that devaluate or fundamentally question friends or my therapist while they are not around even though I cognitively know that im comforted in their presence. Also I sometimes feel like a friendship is not worth it anymore, just over a minor upset. I know its just temporary but its really distresssing. Currently I am upset because a friend whom I really like ghosts me. And its so bad that I dont even check my phone anymore if she still ghosts me and I ghost all of my other friends. It correlates with symptoms of anxiety and depression. When I'm well its all good and i enjoy people and am much more communicative and confident.

Do you have similar experiences?

 

[Movingforward10]

Yep. I did/do.

It's an odd thing to learn you don't have object consistency because it's just how it always has been. But learning that it's a 'thing' and then learning what object consistency actually is when it's a foreign concept is also weird.

But it is something that can be learnt.

I moved from constant panic about T terminating me, and constant anxiety about it, and constant having to reconnect in each session as I had been convinced she'd terminate, to now knowing she is there when I don't see her and she'll be there for the session. It's a much calmer still state of being.

 

[Rose White]

Yes I get that way too. It’s annoying. Have to sit with feelings a lot. Frustrating but staying with myself and not lashing out (at self or others) have been key.

 

[mickbu]

Thanks for the feedback:) Its good to know you know this struggle too

Frustrating but staying with myself and not lashing out (at self or others) have been key.

I think I instinctively just hide. I feel embarassed when i'm torn inside

I moved from constant panic about T terminating me, and constant anxiety about it, and constant having to reconnect in each session as I had been convinced she'd terminate, to now knowing she is there when I don't see her and she'll be there for the session. It's a much calmer still state of being.

might i ask what form of therapy helped you most here?

 

[Movingforward10]

might i ask what form of therapy helped you most here?

Sure. My T does relational and integrative transactional analysis. So she's all about child and adult ego states, and integrating parts of ourselves, and that the therapeutic relationship is key to healing. i've not done therapy outside of her (aside from one session years ago but that doesn't count), so I don't know how this mode of therapy compares to others. But, it or she or both, have helped me.

 

[Calmdown]

I know that feeling very well. It also can be related to ADHD.
The thing is that I know that I work that way but I can't do anything against it.