Thank you for sharing! I'm not sure what you might be referring to other than Partial DID? That seems to be a diagnosis that primarily exists in countries that use the ICD instead of the DSM so I'm not as familiar with those diagnoses. If it is that, today I learned something new! If not, I'm afraid I'm out of guesses hah.
But yes like I said before, thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. It definitely makes me feel less alone.
I want to respond to some specific parts of what you wrote.
I too have not suffered from a cult, or much of a organized abuse-thing (though my abuser brought me 2 or 3 three time to a pedophile-ring: not sure if that was what you meant with organized?).
This is more of what I mean by organized, yes! Anything where there is some kind of network where a lot of powerful people are benefiting from the child abuse. But what you have shared (that you have not suffered from a cult, aside from the two or three times) does very much help me feel less alone.
But I don't think everyone have to have suffered from that to have fragmented to survive.
I agree with this for sure.
But possibly it often stems from being exposed to very severe trauma and often sadism?
But this specifically really speaks to me. I think being exposed to very severe trauma is generally an accepted lens with which to view DID but I feel the sadism (and especially specifically the torture, in my opinion) is less so, especially when that torture
isn't related to a cult or organized group. I feel that often when torture is discussed as a contributing factor to DID it is part of a larger discussion on cult abuse/organized abuse. I don't begrudge this because cult abuse/OA is very much real and very much does need to be discussed, but it sometimes leaves me feeling like I'm alone on an iceberg out at sea surrounded by all these other icebergs (people with DID) who exist in a totally different, alienating reality, if you will.
Also my amnesia wasn't that bad on a daily basis, since I (as I wrote above) didn't switch to an alter/little me very often but only in highly stressful, triggering situations. But those I still have problem remembering. It's like remembering somebody else's life, sort of.
I relate to this more than I really know how to articulate. It's a bit easier to remember things after getting triggered now, but I definitely still struggle to remember things if I get profoundly triggered unless I have the conversation in front of me to refer back to, like a text message conversation or a recount of the conversation that I recorded right after it happened. But also the first part of what you said. I don't typically tend to switch unless I either feel very triggered or very safe, with the same "front me" fronting by default. I feel like the being "mainly the "front you,"" as you said is very accurate to my experience and not something I feel I find talked about almost ever. I think this is the second time I have ever heard anyone mention a similar thing occurring to them. So thank you for sharing everything that you did. It really means more than I can say.
And thank you for congratulating me for the progress I have made. I really am starting to see that everyone here seems to be very generous with their ability to feel joy for others' progress instead of feeling personally victimized when they have not come as far in healing (which is the response I am unfortunately much more used to expecting). We have put a lot of time and effort and emotion into getting to where we are today. And it feels very joyous to be recognized in that effort. Thank you again. And of course congratulations to you too for integrating all that you have done and the effort you have put in as well. :)
