Dissociation, What Are Examples?

[SimplyComplex]

I have read a bit about it and hear examples and think I am missing something about it. Either I do it all the time and hardly noticed, or I am painting with too wide of a brush.

When we first started talking about sexual abuse in therapy, I had two incidents where I really blanked out and nearly crashed my car. Those, yeah, I will call it dissociation.

But...when I was a teen I day dreamed for hours at a time sometimes. Often actually. Dissociation?

When I have sex I get a large empty place in my head. It started when I first kissed a boy when I was 12. Like big empty parking lots, fields, roads with no one on them. Its a video almost, the wind blows and grass moves but no one is there. Dissociation? (and is this the weirdest thing someone admitted to?)

How about when I am reading and my kids talk to me. I don't hear them for a few moments then am startled (a little angry adrenalin rush, I try to control it). Dissociation?

In church I sometimes miss nearly the whole service and don't really know what they talked about or what I was thinking about...but I assume I was lost in thought. Dissociation?

What are some common examples of unhealthy dissociation? How much is healthy and normal?

 

[ronin47]

Everyone gets tired or bored and becomes distracted. However "daydreaming" is not, I think, so much a form of disassociation as it is a manifestation of difficulty concentrating, which is also a symptom of PTSD. Disassociation, from what I understand, has more to do with feeling outside of yourself. The way my therapist explained it to me was, when under the stress, the mind tries to make the situation seem less real.

 

[SimplyComplex]

Oh, I thought that was depersonalization. Its so complicated. Maybe I dont do it :) That would be awesome.

 

[Tosh]

I am no expert, but I will tell part of my story as an example for you. I learned I was dissociating when I started to have flashbacks about things that happened to me that I forgot for many years of my life. It's like there is another part of me, a part that went through alot of childhood abuse, I dissociated, forgot the abuse for many years in order to survive because I didn't know how to deal with the situation. To be dissociative I think you have to be under the age of 7 when you experienced the trauma, but I'm not 100 percent on that. When I "remember" what happened to me, it's usually triggered by something. I feel the emotions, pain, see the visual picture, as if it just happened. I start going numb all over. I feel like I'm comming out of my body. I tap my legs to try and stay here. It's scary, I feel like I'm just going to float away right out of myself. I feel spaced out and unreal. It's like I'm lost within myself.

 

[Dee Morris]

One of my examples is the first time I was sexually assaulted when I was 8 yrs old. I remember waking up to my mothers boyfriend on top of me with his hand over my mouth. I remember feeling the pain of penetration & silently pleading for my mother to wake up. I have no other memories of the event. Until I learned about disassociation I thought that he may have drugged me. The more I learn, I am able to look back & see disassociation.

 

[OKRADLAK]

It is scary what the mind does in response to trauma. I am sad that we are in this, but I very glad that we are not alone.

I am glad I found this site.

 

[Spero3]

I am a bit confused by dissociation, too. I am not sure if I have it. I have been told I do, but I don't have a clear idea of what it is. I know there are times when I am very stressed that I just shut down. I can't concentrate, I don't want to talk, I can't answer people's questions. This happened during what was supposed to be a mediation when I divorced my ex husband (who was abusive). We got ambushed in mediation - he accused me of all kinds of sick stuff - and I just shut down on my lawyer. If it is really bad, I will just go to sleep.

As a child I spent hours and hours in fantasy land. I had a made-up friend named "Joe" who I think was supposed to be my dad (who I wanted to protect me from my mother but he didn't). I used to pretend I was a horse, too. Was I just a kid with a very active imagination, or was this a form of dissociation or checking out from reality.

Even as an adult, I often have a whole other conversation going on in my head when I am listening to someone else. I hear them, can respond to them, but I am not totally there. Again, is that normal?

On a slightly different topic, I also get "triggered" by people I consider bullies. I fantasize about beating them up. I obsess about it for days. I have never hurt anyone, but there are times that I wonder if some day I will snap.

Anyone have any insight on this stuff?

Spero

 

[OKRADLAK]

Spero-

Wow! When you said about whole conversations in head......I do too! It was not until the 2nd trauma that I started to talk back to them (in my head). Then I REALLY realized I was going crazy!!

"You stupid fool.Why did you do THAT?"
"Well, you're the dumb-a**! You could have stopped me at any time!"
Then it got to be like "could have stopped "us"....never 3rd person "her"

Like, "Let's work together, here OK?"
or "Just STFU" or something like that.

Like one is REALLY mean and the other is like, "What is UP with that??"

Of course, they are not real people that "come out" and all. And I would never tell my T. about this because ----well not yet anyway, I do not trust her yet. Maybe later.

 

[Spero3]

When I said I can hear, respond and listen I meant to the person I am talking to. I didn't mean to the conversation in my head. :) But, I have fantasies in my head where I am engaged in a conversation with someone who is not present, or I fantasize about a situation I wish I was in, all while I am actually talking to a real person. Sometimes I feel like my brain is split. It is disconcerting.

I have started meditating in order to keep myself in the present. I can only do it for about 15 or 20 minutes, and I'm not very good at it, but it does help.

Spero

 

[Spero3]

I meant to ask you if the conversations in your head are almost constant. Mine are.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Very constant. They were not there before abuse. I do NOT understand why this happens. It is like a running commentary. At first, it was subtle. Like, a prayer, only not. You know how people pray ( I used to be a person of faith) and it's kind of ongoing?

Well, then prayer stopped because I realized it was going to help nothing, but my brain was still wired that way. I guess that is how it started.That is a guess, but I see that others get this who were never a person of faith, so maybe it is what we wish we could say to the abuser but can't because you could get the crap kicked out of you?

Then it got to be rude as hell, I think at first directed to God. Begging, pleading, etc.....then against me. I just took it for a long time and then started to talk back to it. Yes, it is still on almost all day. I also have conversations with people I know who are not here at the time! Am I nuts or what??!!

No, it is not really nuts. I also do a lot more in my head and it is what happens when you have to survive.

 

[Spero3]

I think it must be a way of dissociating from being in the present - from the pain, fear, etc. I am sorry that you deal with this, too.