General Why Do You Bother?

[BigBear]

but I can't figure out if it's worth her time or not.

It is always worth our time. Even when the other partner is in a bad situation. We weren't put here to wait for you to be convenient.

And stop thinking that you are using us. We have minds and can think for our selves. We choose to be with you!

Bear

 

[The Albatross]

My husband and friends say it's because I'm so "real". When queried further, they mean that I'm an approachable mixed bag of problems that they find helpful. I guess not being intimidating, some people find as a most excellent character trait. I got no problem being a "wart's and all sort of person". People pick up on damaged people to learn ways to cope with adversity I think. Sort of like getting it without going to the school of "hard knocks". Frankly I can't say as I blame them... I've done the same thing at times with some of my friend and intimate relationships.

 

[Innordinate]

My husband and friends say it's because I'm so "real". When queried further, they mean that I'm an approachable mixed bag of problems that they find helpful. I guess not being intimidating, some people find as a most excellent character trait. I got no problem being a "wart's and all sort of person". People pick up on damaged people to learn ways to cope with adversity I think. Sort of like getting it without going to the school of "hard knocks". Frankly I can't say as I blame them... I've done the same thing at times with some of my friend and intimate relationships.

so basically....... ugh..what?
lmao, having a really bad concentrating problem lately.

Ok Albatross... what you mean is the supporter is learning how to deal with trauma by being around us?
*Sighs*
so they're learning ............ ??

 

[Innordinate]

:roflmao: wow. I don't make any sense to myself either! is it bedtime yet?

It is always worth our time. Even when the other partner is in a bad situation. We weren't put here to wait for you to be convenient.

And stop thinking that you are using us. We have minds and can think for our selves. We choose to be with you!

Bear

That makes sense now. Thank you.
Do you ever think maybe you make bad choices though?

People pick up on damaged people to learn ways to cope with adversity I think. Sort of like getting it without going to the school of "hard knocks". .

I think I get this now. Goofy though.

 

[BigBear]

Do you ever think maybe you make bad choices though?.

Sometimes I want to be too with Angel. Meaning, I want to be with her more than she can stand.

Everyone makes bad choices. Its what you do to correct them that is really meaningful!

Bear

 

[amethist]

I have asked my self this question many times Innordinate, "Why do I bother".

The answer is "For so many reasons", but we were married before PTSD invaded our lives. So why should I leave, just because he has PTSD, I would not leave if it were cancer or any other serious illness, so why this.

Then there are the words I said a long time ago now, of the reasons why some of us stay.

Because we can.

Because we care.

Because we have the strength.

Because we want to.

Because sometimes we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if our sufferers can't.

And because of this forum, which gives us the support and encouragement to keep going.

It is defiantly not for the faint hearted, but it is do-able. Even if you loose some hair and have head aches from banging your head against the wall at times. :rolleyes:

Amthist

 

[Toria]

Like Amethist, I was married to my husband before PTSD came in to our lives. I stay with him because he is my husband and I love him dearly. If he lost an arm he would be my husband - just as if he looses his way he is still my husband. I cannot comment on people who choose to begin a relationship with someone who is already suffering - there may well be people out there who want to "fix" people but there are also a lot of loving and caring people out there who can see past the anger and the isolation and see the person within the PTSD and that is the kind of person that I hope you are lucky enough to have by your side.

I feel quite bad reading your first paragraph - my on line diary is one massive rant against my own personal situation. Please understand that things like that are a way for me (all of us?) to let off some steam in "private" eg not aimed directly at our loved ones. I do feel angry and I do feel resentment - at my husband but at the same time not at my husband. See - if I even tried to explain this to him it would all go horribly wrong! So I use my diary to vent these confusions and frustrations. I would never want him to know how I feel as it would hurt him deeply. It is not him that I am angry and upset with, it is the situation that I find us in.

I hope that this goes some way to answer your question. I am a big music fan - all be it with rather questionable taste :p and there's a Gretchen Wilson song that sums it up quite nicely for me. I can't remember what it's called but it goes like this:

I've never done anything ,That would ever bring a tear to your eye, I've never crossed the line, or needed an alibi to cover up a lie, But darling i'll admit, They're been times when i could have, The thing that kept me strong, Is the one thing that is always on My mind

When I think about cheatin', I just think about you leavin', And how my world would fall to pieces, If I tossed your love away, Even when i'm tempted by some stranger, Oh there's never any danger, I just think about you leavin', When I think about cheatin'

For me it's not cheating as in being unfaithful so much as cheating as in giving up on him. I really could not imagine my life without him - as hard as it may be living with him sometimes!!!!!

 

[Nicolette]

I actually don't like the title of this thread.......... to me it stems negativity..."bothering".... I mean come on! If I was "bothering" to be with my husband he shouldn't be my husband. Don't know. I get the reality but this just doesn't sit right with me. :rolleyes:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Nicolette, maybe it's ok be I think it might be a word/ title that expresses quite accurately how many sufferers' feel.

 

[Nicolette]

I guess you have a point Junebug. Based on the initial posts I thought I should move it into the PTSD section but I get what was being asked.

While I get the low self esteem of the Sufferer it sort of comes across to me as a back handed slap at us Supporters in that we are only here because we "bother" which is far from the truth.

 

[Tinyflame]

While I get the low self esteem of the Sufferer it sort of comes across to me as a back handed slap at us Supporters in that we are only here because we "bother" which is far from the truth.

Oh no Nicolette, - I am sure that is neither a thought of any sufferer nor the intention of such a thought or comment!
More so an inability to see in ourselves what they see, to understand how someone can put up with it, frustration and discouragement and guilt that we inevitably will 'drag you' along with us or bring you down (it's our pain and problem, it shouldn't be yours), and a sadness that one can't be the person such a carer deserves.

 

[Innordinate]

I actually don't like the title of this thread.......... to me it stems negativity..."bothering".... I mean come on! If I was "bothering" to be with my husband he shouldn't be my husband. Don't know. I get the reality but this just doesn't sit right with me. :rolleyes:

While I get the low self esteem of the Sufferer it sort of comes across to me as a back handed slap at us Supporters in that we are only here because we "bother" which is far from the truth.

I get your problem with the semantics. I just write what I know. Bother is exactly the word I wanted to use because that's what I am. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Sorry it bugs you.
Thank you for not changing the title.

I feel quite bad reading your first paragraph - my on line diary is one massive rant against my own personal situation.

I wasn't reading the diaries. I think if I did that.... ugh... I was reading the 'how to deal with' people with PTSD posts. how to react, handle, what to expect etc.
Trying to find something to help me explain it to a friend who for whatever reason has no time to research or no desire to ...... I don't know, been questioning how good a friend she really is now and how much if anything i should be dumping on her anyways......

If he lost an arm he would be my husband - just as if he looses his way he is still my husband. I cannot comment on people who choose to begin a relationship with someone who is already suffering

This makes sense to me. Thank you.
My wife had very little idea what she was getting into with me. I had very little idea what I was getting her into!
Maybe that's where the guilt comes from. :( and the question.

Because we can.

Because we care.

Because we have the strength.

Because we want to.

Because sometimes we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if our sufferers can't.

:D I want to argue against this really badly. and say that you can't and you don't. Not really. But.... I can't tell people how they feel or what they think.... reality check.
If my kids can believe in Santa....... why not neh?
Thank you.