Melting Down Right Now.......!

[OKRADLAK]

I am melting down right now. I am here because right now it feels like the only safe place.

I went to church. It is hard for me because it can be a trigger. A lady was there that was new and I was trying to help her.

She had no way home. I say SURE! Well, she has no idea where to go and we are lost for hours. I had not eaten all day.

I was losing it and she did not know me at all. I am about to cry and she is right there in the car with me. I am trying so hard to not swear and live like I want to live.

There are MILES between her and me. And I start to disassociate AND almost pass out from hunger. I cannot eat normal food and they had all gone out to eat so I was even more hungry.

I never want to be around people again right now. I can't unwind. I can't get a hold of my sister who helps me. I can't find the things I need to calm down. I am just spouting off because I tried to help someone, thought I was normal, thought I could pass as normal to a new person at church. I have been hiding it all SO well!!!

I had been passing as normal. People liked me up till today. They really did. I had friends. After today, I will be one of the losers again. NOT that we are losers, I do not think ANYONE is a loser except abusers, etc........but when it hits people do thing I am :(

 

[NIKI]

I'm sorry you had such a hard time. That was nice that you tried to help someone.

I get to the point where I can't think and start to shake when I get very hungry.

I don't do well when I am with someone new. I get very nervous. I hate small talk.

Ok, your home now. Sit down, have a drink of water and rest. Maybe put on some calming music.:)
BTW You are not a loser!

 

[Lucycat]

If they were your friends until today they will STILL be your friends. They too will be proud that you tried to help this person.:)

Sure it was very difficult for you. But now it is over. Take time and look after yourself.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I am doing much better. I took your suggestions. Water and a cool place. I got hold of a good friend.

I hate PTSD.

 

[Heather]

((((( okradlak )))))

 

[Spero3]

Okradlak,

I am sorry you had such a hard day, but you are probably being harder on yourself than anyone else would be on you. You helped someone out, and things did not go well, but that is not your fault. She is the one who didn't know how to get home. I hate that feeling of being so hungry, and I cannot imagine being hungry AND being lost. Both of those things really stress me out. I am glad you are feeling better. Be kind to yourself.

Spero

 

[ronin47]

I'm glad you are feeling better. Don't feel upset that you tried to help someone. I'd be willing to bet it wasn't that in of itself that upset you so much but rather the fact that you had expectations for how something would happen and those expectations were violated. Even with the best of intentions, things can and will go awry.

Lord knows, I've done things that I thought were the best choice out of many only to have it go horribly wrong. If perfect results were the only thing that mattered we'd all be failures. Besides, you said yourself it was the woman you gave a ride to didn't know that directions. She has responsibility too. Perfect results, in the rare event that they do occur, come only from trial and error. We obtain them by learning from our past mistakes, the mistakes of others, and the mistakes of those who came before us. What have you learned from this situation? Perhaps to ask someone how far away their residence is before offering them a ride. It is a simpler, encapsulated example of one of life's greater truths that everyone, and I mean everyone, must learn.

 

[OKRADLAK]

What have I learned? ? That when I am alone and protect myself, I am OK. To not help people unless I have eaten. To not push myself. I think I was still just manic. I have been in a manic episode. She did not know how far she was because she is new to town. No one knew. Then the girl who was going to take her just walked away. That was the first straw. She just walked away from us like a f*cking idiot.

If I ever see either of them again, I am going in the other direction.

 

[Reclusive]

I think it was very generous and kind of you to give the new girl a ride home. You definitely deserve a pat on the back for that one!

That does sound really weird that her friend just left her there.

It sounds like you're doing okay now. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Srain]

Perfect!! Your clarification of the situation is right on target! I keep track of when I have to eat because like you, I have to eat (and take my meds) or I am not good at all. AND I'm very reluctant to give people rides because I get lost so I always ask how far, how long will it take, what are the chances I will get lost??? I am clear to everyone that I am geographically challenged. ;)

I'm very sorry this happened, you got through it and honestly, you were the hero here! You offered, you were in a very rough situation, and you followed through without strangling her! Good on you :)

hugs,
Rain

 

[Froggie]

What have I learned? ? To not help people unless I have eaten. To not push myself. She did not know how far she was because she is new to town. No one knew. If I ever see either of them again, I am going in the other direction.

Just read your thread Okradlak. What an experience. But you came out stronger as you learned quite a few lessons through this situation. There were lot's of words of wisdom mentionned here, but the one that really hit me was :

Lord knows, I've done things that I thought were the best choice out of many only to have it go horribly wrong. If perfect results were the only thing that mattered we'd all be failures. Besides

This forum helps us all, your experience is another good example for all of us. Thank you for having shared that.

 

[OKRADLAK]

and you followed through without strangling her! Good on you :)

Hee hee. Boy, you guys understand!!! I started going into that place like disassociation. Like she was a million miles away. She was talking and I could not hear her. She put this weird woman on the phone to try to give me directions and I could not hear the woman, either.

Oh, if one of you guys had been the back seat, you would have been nodding and KNOWING what was coming!!!

I just handed the girl the phone and started to rave about my blood sugar. Then I did hear the woman on the phone say, "Sara (the girl) , I have no idea who you are with! What is going on? Hello?"

Oh god. I can never go back there!! I could not hear anything, like a hunting dog with a bead on a fox, I just wanted to get to a safe place. I was about to walk out of the car and leave her in it, to tell you the truth!! I am glad I did not!!