Is Snapping At Your Partner Abuse?

[Truckinjoan]

I am angry and distant alot. I verbaly snap at my partner. I am sometimes very cold. But I love her and try to always be as warm and caring as I can be. But I know I am often a Dick. Is this abuse?

 

[Sandra]

Are you bad for bottling up your anger? I can also do the same thing. And yes I am guilty for bottling up my anger.

If so then find another way of releasing the anger.

And yes that is abuse.

 

[a3a2]

Are you seeing a therapist? It is important to talk through the ptsd, so you don't end up taking it out on those you love. I used to have outbursts at my family far more often. Now I rarely even come close. You really can feel so much better, but you'll have to deal with the trauma first.

 

[maddog]

Sadly, I think that it is the reality for all humans, not just those with PTSD or any other "condition", to take out our negative feelings on those who are nearest and dearest to us. It's one of the unfair, irrational but inevitable little qwerks of life to which I am sure we can all relate.

Having said that, this shouldn't be any reason to take this fact for granted, or to "sit down" in terms of dealing with it. Verbal attacks on any person can definitely constitute abuse if they are persistent or significant enough, and awareness of this fact, which you obviously have, is an important first step in doing something about it.

The trick is to challenge yourself to do better and to develop safe and efective strategies for channelling your feelings, without placing undue or unrealistic expectations or demands on yourself. Communication is so important - I hope your relationship is such that you're able to verbalise some of your difficulty to your wife.

As others have said, seeking therapeutic intervention to help you to work on those coping strategies in a safe neutral environment, is really important - I hope you have access to such support or some plans to begin this process.

Trauma places such strain on human relationships, and the road is rocky and unpredictable for both sufferers and supporters. Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Maddog

 

[wife of]

As a supporter I'd say it depends on how often and wether its warrented.If my hubby snaps at me over something I've done then sometimes its fair enough if I've been thoughtless,I'm no angel an do this myself sometimes. But if its him having a pure rant because of something some one else has done then that feels abusive and I dont tolerate it .I also dont tolerate him snapping at the kids for ,well, just being kids,making noise,squeezing toothpaste in the middle,not clearing plates whilst thier still chewing the last mouthful..etc. Its all about not sweating over the small stuff.

 

[Anna]

If you put the person down or bully them then it is abuse. However, everyone has a bad day sometimes. It really depends on what you say.

Even people without PTSD may snap if they feel tired or have a headache. It really depends on what you say to that person.

 

[Anna]

Sadly, I think that it is the reality for all humans, not just those with PTSD or any other "condition", to take out our negative feelings on those who are nearest and dearest to us. It's one of the unfair, irrational but inevitable little qwerks of life to which I am sure we can all relate.

Yes.

I know a lot of people without PTSD who have a very short fuse. They get really angry.

 

[Ted Moen]

Depends on how your partner perceives it. It is inappropriate behavior generated by acting out the intense intrusive thoughts and feelings, inappropriate because it will result in your not getting your current needs met in your current situation even though the release of the old feelings might feel good at the time or might feel like something you just have to do.

Learning to live better with PTSD is all about learning to behave appropriately in your current situation even though the intense feelings are raging in the background.

Ted

 

[The Albatross]

Anger and defensiveness was an impulse control thing for me. Verbally I am learning how to temper my words and not be as hurtful. I got a lot of mileage by aspiring to treat people the way I want to be treated.

 

[ISupportHer]

My initial reaction is that abuse is something that one person, a person with the "power", forces on another person who does not have power in the situation. So, if one person snaps when stressed and says something mean, it's an isolated incident. If it occurs regularly, with some intent to control or hold the partner at bay in some way, then I see it as abusive behavior.

ISH

 

[Kb3]

But if its him having a pure rant because of something some one else has done then that feels abusive and I dont tolerate it .I also dont tolerate him snapping at the kids for ,well, just being kids,making noise,squeezing toothpaste in the middle,not clearing plates whilst thier still chewing the last mouthful..etc. Its all about not sweating over the small stuff.

This is where I am stuck right now. Was getting better and not yelling so much, but have been backsliding within the last week. My trauma anniversary is coming up, and I am also badly affected by SAD. Both of those things are contributing to the problem.

I will be strict about using my lightbox, getting outside for exercise everyday, watching my diet, and being mindful that my words hurt and my family deserves better.

 

[wife of]

If you do have days when things are flooding you and you find yourself being snappy then the best thing you can do is to acknowledge it to the injured party as soon as you can. Apologies are not a sign of weakness they are a sign of great strength and show you are trying.

Good luck to all who suffer on both sides of this symptom(for want of a better word).