Supporter New Here.. Looking For Hope...

[Lisain508]

Hello.

My boyfriend of over a year has PTSD caused from being over in Iraq for two tours. He is 100 percent disabled due to hitting a road side bomb on his second tour severing his spine.

The good news is that they were able to repair his spine and he will be able to walk (for the next couple of year or so the doctors say). He was doing well for about a year with medication but just last week he had a phycotic break. Now for the bad news. He is now seeing and hearing things that are not there. He sees his friends that were killed over in Iraq and they talk to him. He also hears guns shots and other war sounds. He has been having crying attacks and he shakes out of control.

I was so scared last Wednesday that I had to hospitalize him at the VA. I go to visit him every day but he doesn't seem to be getting any better. They have changed his medication without success. He is so worried I will leave him and I am so worried I won't get him back. I am exhausted and I am told they will release him on Friday but he is not to be left alone.

I will have to quit my job and I have $5.00 in our bank account. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all the stress. I'm hoping someone can tell me that they went through the same thing and that it might not go away totally but it does get better. I'm willing to give up everything for him I just need a little hope right now.

 

[Tifanee]

Welcome Lisain! Never give up hope, as long as hope is alive then there is a chance it can all get better! Other members will have more insight to dealing with a sufferer with combat PTSD. Know that you found a good place to get some support and advice.

Do you have other family around that can help you with your bf?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

hi I think if you go to the supporters section you will find alot of hope, and help and support. I offer you a hug. Please take good care of you. You have alot going on right now. You have to be able to survive. You should keep your job. I wish you the best on finding some help for him. If you aren't ok then nothing will be ok. My heart goes out to you. I sure hope that the VA has some help and advise and some prorams to help you both.

 

[Eleanor]

(((((((Lisain))))))) What a blessing you are to your bf. And what a rough time for you.:(

This may come out harsh - but I want you both to survive this and to be intact together at the end. My best advice: Tell the people at the VA that you cannot care for him constantly - you need to keep your job. They have other resources, but you will need to advocate for him to get them to offer. He is your bf - not your husband, and 24 hour caregiving for someone with his level of emotional and physical disability right now is beyond your (or anyones!) power. Seriously, you CAN"T do this yourself - don't set yourself up to fail. Wring every bit of help out of them that you can. Dealing with the military when you are non-spouse is TOUGH.

So: can he get better. Yes. A lot better, and he may get worse before he gets better, and stay worse for a while. So you need to do a lot of caring for yourself to be able to be there for him once he's done his work. You can't heal his emotional trauma, only he can do that. The best you can do is hold the fort, and let the professionals know there is someone watching how they do their job, and pushing them to do it as best they can. You are all on the same side, whether everyone remembers it at any given time or not.

Read all the articles on the Home page here. Then the stickies at the top of the forums - especially the supporters forums. They will give you a good idea of what you are dealing with. Come on down.

I wish you and your fella peace and healing and happiness together.

 

[thedude]

Hi Lisain,

Eleanor has some good advice on the advocate. VA is often slow and not able to react to life's needs ASAP like you need with PTSD.

Organizations like the Semper Fi Fund have been established to help guys through the extraordinary financial demands of traumatic injuries and combat operational stress. They have programs that help families out with the burden of supporting a member through the hospitalization process. Hope they can help or give you a lead on your nearest support source depending on what service your boyfriend was in.

Peace

Ben

 

[Pale Warrior]

Oh Lisane, so sorry to read of your situation, that's just scary heavy stuff to carry on your own.

Get some help, now is the time to start asking/calling/emailing as suggested above. Seriously, don't do this alone, I live with a husband with PTSD and his trauma related injuries and I wish someone had told me this 12 years ago.

Come and find us in the supporters section.

 

[celia]

You will be in my prayers. I'm a supporter of PTSD veteran supporter and its a long haul. God Bless you for being there for him. Remember to take time for you!

 

[thematrix]

Hello Lisain. All the advice above seems very good and I am replying to you because I want you to know that you are not alone in these tough times. He is very lucky to have you, but you will need help. I am a sufferer so I do understand to a degree the effects on others but not as well as others-the supporters- on the site who will have better advice. Anyways, I just wanted to say please take care of yourself. I wish I could say more that was helpful.

 

[Lisain508]

Thank you all for your kind words.

He has been out of the hospital since Thursday. He has episodes (seeing and hearing things, these episodes its like he isnt here with me..) about 3 times a day some lasting a half hour.

We have 4 doctors appointments next week at the VA hospital. I feel like I might lose him to these episodes and that scares me so much.

He is such an amazing person and we used to joke and laugh all the time together. I miss him so much. I find myself handling everything ok although I do wait until he goes to sleep to cry.

He's so afraid he'll end up in a VA mental hospital alone and scared. I have done so much research on PTSD my brain hurts.

Has anyone heard of using oxygen chambers to relieve symtoms or neurofeedback brain therapy? Have you had any success with these?

Again, thank you all so very much for your support <3

 

[Eleanor]

Oxygen chambers are often used for TBI, and with good effect. Not so much for simple PTSD tho. Neurofeedback is a variety of biofeedback, which can do very nice things for managing physiological stress responses. You could do a search on here for both of those things, and find out more...

As for going back into the hospital: VA mental hospitals are not the worst place in the world, and is probably a better place than your apartment for him. For one, at the hospital there is going to be someone who is AWAKE 24/7. You have to sleep. Second, he will be looked after by someone who is not worrying about how they are going to buy food to feed him, like you will. Third, he will be looked after by people who have some training and experience in dealing with people in his situation - it may not be perfect - but they have better odds than you of getting both him and you out of this more or less intact - or at least not worse than you started.

He will not be alone there - and I'd guess that he is ALWAYS scared. Scared comes with the territory. You will go regularly and be with him and check on him, and let the staff know that there is someone checking on him and making sure they give him their A game. THAT is where you can be most valuable. If he had a heart problem, you wouldn't try to do the surgery on him yourself right?

Are you still working? What are you doing to take care of yourself? When do you have "down time"? Relax? Exercise? Short term is one thing - but this is a long long haul. Take care of yourself Lisain - seriously, or you won't be able to do much for him.

Wishing you both peace and healing....

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hey lisain, Elanor is right about the hospital - it could be the best place for him right now.

With his spinal injury there is a lot more than PTSD going on. I speak from experience here, he will be in very bad place because of the injuries, one day he was a regular bloke going about his life and the next... physical hell and his identity flushed down the toilet. Questions of existance, manhood, personhood, self immage and esteme will all be present. This may include thoughts of self harm or even suicide - it did for my husband.

There may also be problems with medication, my husband was on 13 different drugs on discharge. He was totally physically dependent on me, hallucinating alien abduction, screaming, crying and having adverse drug interactions that no one wanted to deal with. This was 12 years ago and, while things have improved, he is still in a bad place.

Let me be blunt, you cannot do this on your own and you may choose to walk away, even if you have support. The only way anyone can get through this as a supporter is to put themselves first, be selfish and make sure they have their own life. This man is not your husband, you have no children with him if all you have is love to hold you together, it may not be enough.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[ProudWife99]

The only way anyone can get through this as a supporter is to put themselves first, be selfish and make sure they have their own life. .

Yes, yes, yes a million times yes! If someone could have implanted this thought in my brain when my whole mess started I would have saved not only myself, but my husband a world of hurt. Not only did he have to worry about getting better, but he had to worry about me because all I did was try to take care of him.

I learned how to take care of myself, how to tend to my old needs, and most importantly, how to let him hurt. He has experienced some very awful, scary things. If I coddled him and tried to keep all of that pain away from him I was only enabling his PTSD. He HAD to hurt to heal. He HAD to be afraid to realize he was safe.

Love is not enough. It is not enough. It helps, but it will not be enough. Keep your job. Pass his full time care on to someone more qualified to treat it. Just because I LOVE the law does not mean it is enough to make me a lawyer. I am not (yet!) qualified to practice law. You are not qualified to be his caretaker.

Please, if anything, remember that for him. Taking their care on our shoulders does not help them, it hurts them. It does not end their pain, it only makes it more comfortable to be miserable.