I Hate Mother's Day

[712xx]

As a kid I would give her hand made cards that had real flower petals glued half way down. There would be around 5-6 petals and all had something I'd be willing to do for her written underneath. She was supposed to pick them and I'd do that chore. She never responded or took it seriously. I tried this a few times before I gave up and just did the normal generic Happy Mother's day, but in small print I'd write something passive aggressive like, if you really were my mother I would mean it, and other such comments that increased in venom as I got older.

Happy Mother's Day -- thanks for carrying me for 9 months. Sorry you didn't get what you wanted, but then again neither did I.

I clearly remember one M'sD (I was around 11) my older sister and brother took her out to lunch. They left me behind to watch my nephew. I didn't know they were going out to celebrate Mother's Day till they got back with balloons and cards. It's true that I wouldn't have wanted to go with them, but to not even tell me about it was a level of hurt (especially on my sister's part) that I had a hard time stomaching. My sister had not always been a great supporter, but she didn't actively try to hurt me most of the time (till then). She was more patronizing in that older sister way, but not usually hurtful.

My mother died in 2001, may she RIP. I'm still confused about how I feel about that. Even when I first learned she died, there was this 'nothing' feeling inside. I didn't care; wasn't happy or sad or anything. I took a breath and waited to see if something would come up. Nothing ever did.

 

[intothelight]

I know this is a thread about hating Mother's Day, but I am celebrating Mother's Day this year. I am celebrating the fact that I know that I was a good mother and broke the cycle of abuse.

It helps that my children are old enough to affirm it, and that affirmation is the greatest gift they can ever give me. See, even though the journey was rough and there were many horrible things along the way, it is coming out OK in the end.

But the journey is not over as now I realize how much they look up to me and learn from me. I hope to continue to be a positive influence and role model in their lives. So tomorrow I will celebrate one of the best things I have ever done and that is being a mom.

 

[Tinyflame]

:tup: Yay! I'm with you ITL, or 'for' you, is perhaps a better way to put it.

You know, it's funny, I woke up this morning, had prefuse bleeding, I know it's just stress.
Was feeling 'badly' about posting in this thread, because personally I think great moms (here or otherwise) should get a Mother's Day (at least) once a week. :) :tup:

I was 'for' having children when I was planning to get married- just followed naturally, but the person was abusive- would have been a not good scenario.
I certainly never had a 'need' to 'replicate my own genes', so to speak. Would have wanted to adopt, also.

A sister of mine found out had she gotten pregnant she would have died, she had terminal 99%-estrogen-positive breast cancer.
Don't think my 'body' would have ever made it, frankly, could never get out of Recovery after minor surgeries, because of my blood pressure. Four hours would turn into 4 days, 24 hours in post-op, and those were my 'healthy' days, lol. :rolleyes:

Irregardless, I just mean one never knows why things work out for a reason, or what one is spared from.
My own mom was so positive and brave and genuine, and quick to laugh, I'd rather be like her.
She broke a cycle of abuse too. :) :tup:

A lady who knows where I work said to me yesterday, "You're a mom to so many people there".
Kind of minimized it but thought yesterday, well, I do do all the things that 'mom's' do (usually for 'larger' people, however, lol).
And must say, when it comes to Seniors, most sort of 'reverse'- go through 'a second puberty'-back-through-to-childhood.

Anyway, I hope everyone can either enjoy Mother's Day, or find peace within it!
(((((Hugs to All)))))

 

[712xx]

This thread is for those who hate Mother's Day. Please stop bringing the fun down in this thread with your positivity. It is unnecessary unless you want to make people feel bad (which I don't believe was intended). Go find your own thread please.

 

[Nadege]

I don't like Mother's Day because of some memories related to my PTSD. I try to make it better for myself by ordering flowers for myself around this day. My bouquet just got delivered, the roses smell wonderful...

 

[AngelaMarie]

I am just glad that it doesn't hurt so much any more that I never really had a mother. For years it was so, so bad. I hope it gets better for us all as time goes by.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry 712, my understanding was we hate and dread it, just for different reasons.

To be honest I've never told anyone what I posted in 30 years, I don't think I'll repeat it.

With all due respect, if I belonged in the world, I wouldn't have tried to remove myself from it.

Sorry if I misinterpreted the thread. :(

 

[AngelaMarie]

(((Junebug))) We all have a right to say what we want and you are a sweetheart!!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you AM, I truly didn't intend to cause (more) pain, things are hard enough for everyone or we wouldn't be here.
It wasn't thoughtful of me. :(

 

[amethist]

Junebug you are entitled to your your opinion as everyone else is on here.

If anyone gets irritated by that, then that is their issue not yours.

 

[catjudo]

I don't love Mother's Day for more than one reason. Even before I was a mother myself, I would dread Mother's Day because I felt an obligation to acknowledge my mother and show some sort of appreciation for her, but also a need to balance that with not overdoing it and making it seem like she was a great mom. I, too, hate trying to find a card that is generic enough to acknowledge the day but not be so flowery and loving and give her credit for things that were simply untrue.

I am celebrating the fact that I know that I was a good mother and broke the cycle of abuse.

See, even though the journey was rough and there were many horrible things along the way, it is coming out OK in the end.

So tomorrow I will celebrate one of the best things I have ever done and that is being a mom.

Now, as a mother myself, I judge myself very harshly. I am not a perfect mother...but then I don't really think that anyone can be. A lot of the time I don't even think I am a good mother (though many around me insist otherwise), so I don't feel as though I should be celebrated or acknowledged for the flawed job that I'm doing. When it comes right down to it, though, and I'm able to be honest with myself without all of the negative filters interfering, I think I am a good mother but judge myself harshly because I wish I was better. I make mistakes and I hate that. I always feel like my daughter deserves better. But if I'm honest, I am a good mother.

Thanks for the reminder, ITL, that even if things are bumpy along the way they can and will still come out okay in the end. I don't have to be perfect to be doing a good job and being a mom is the best thing that I've ever done.

Go away and find your own thread you positive posting Mother's Day celebraters. This thread is for those who hate it.

There's no reason to be ugly or unwelcoming to people. I've found all the contributions to this thread to be on topic and helpful. It is possible to share our different reasons for hating or being uncomfortable with Mother's Day without trying to make people feel excluded or badly about themselves and their contributions. It is possible for this thread to give members an outlet for their negative feelings toward the holiday as well as help provide a deeper level of self-discovery and understanding...both are a good thing.

 

[Bubba]

I wish my husband could understand just how deep emotional scars can be when you don't get the love and support from your mother at a young age. To go thru a trauma and then have it buried when so young does cause so much damage. I have forgiven my mom because I know I will never be able to change her.

I've given up on the hope that she will be there for me. I believe she was traumatized as well and therefore was only doing what she knew how to do. But that doesn't lessen the scars. It doesn't lessen the pain. It doesn't lessen the effect it had it on me. I'm thankful my daughter didn't go thru a trauma at a young age, because I honestly don't know how I would have responded - I hope I wouldn't have responded like my mom, but I don't know that for sure.

My mothers day wish is for everyone to understand how important relationship with your mother is - and to comfort themselves if they never had the love and support they so desperately needed growing up.

All you mother's out there who have been traumatized and your pain caused by or minimized by your own mothers - celebrate this day for yourself - be a mother to yourself - take care of your own inner child.