Poll Have You Had To Abandon Any Nicknames Because Of Trauma?

[Jen93]

I am notorious for giving my friends nicknames, but I always ask them first because I know that some people don't like them. In fact, if someone gives me the wrong nickname it's a stressor.

My name is Jennifer. I've always been called Jennifer. When I was younger my Dad would call me Jenny, and so would his mother, but that didn't bother me-the problem started during my trauma.

My teachers (actually everyone in middle school) the first date they all took attendance they asked me if I preferred to be called "Jennifer or Jenny" I said it didn't matter. Everybody took to calling me Jenny, the bullies, everyone. As time went on, it made me mad. Nicknames are a sign that you're close with someone, on good terms with them, so it was giving me mixed signals-I was allowing them to pretend to care as they repeatedly hurt me.

Now I am Jen or Jennifer- I panic if someone calls me Jenny and I only tolerate my father and grandmother calling me Jenny because they always have and I know it's used correctly because they love me.

If anybody else had anything like this happen, feel free to share-doesn't have to be as long as mine, if you don't want to go into details you don't have to-but those of you who did give up nicknames did it impact you at all?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I actually did sort of the opposite. I abandoned my real birth name for my nickname. Now my legal name is what my nickname was.

I used to and still panic when people call me by my birth name. My T called me by my birth name once and I looked at him like he betrayed me. It freaked me out that he knew and that he could scare me like that.

I did not vote because I do not think any apply to me but I wanted to share. :)

 

[Jen93]

Thanks for sharing! :)

 

[Red Feather]

I changed my name just before the time my whole life changed and my biggest trauma. I think names have such an impact on people. So I can understand how nicknames that are associated with a bad experience can be painful to hear.

I also didn't vote because I don't know how it applies to me.

 

[Jen93]

Nadia, and Ayesha, I think your option would be "work around it"

 

[Ice_Fire]

Oh my God yes! The bullies at school insisted on calling me 'Rosie' and so does my dad. :(

So I now hate that nickname and insist that people I'm comfortable with call me Rose and in more formal situations, I go with Rosemary.

 

[cat]

My ex husband & abuser called me Ness from the time we met, he would never say why.
After my divorce I found it very strange to think of myself as my birth name again as in my head I had been 'Ness' for 30yrs. I would talk to & encourage myself to do things with that name until one day i realised why my affirmations didn't sound right & were actually causing me more distress.
I've managed to stop using it now and am beginning to find my identity again.

 

[Privateer]

I'm quite the opposite, really.

My close friends call me 'Mr. (insert surname here)' or sometimes, for reasons even I'm not sure of, 'Sir (first name)'.

Other folks call me Jonesy, even though my name isn't Jones, in reference to my (normally) adventurous nature and ever-present leather jacket. :D

I prefer those to my given name, as they help keep 'normal me' and 'broken me' as two distinct personae, with my given name being my real name and applying to the real, broken me while the nicknames apply to the 'fully functional' facade that everyone else gets to see.

 

[afuneralinmybrain]

I legally changed my entire name after trauma.

 

[Hashi]

I also legally changed my first name, middle name and surname. No-one calls me by the name/nicknames I had while I was being traumatised.

It was more than "had to abandon it... but it was just". "Abandon" sounds like a desperate act of leaving something behind. "But" sounds like it's an apology or excuse.

How about "I chose to rename myself and that has been empowering"?

 

[joeylittle]

Yes, and it was not hard to do for myself; it was hard to get my family to drop it. Now, if someone accidentally tries to call me by that nickname (it's common-ish for my name) I will not handle it well.

 

[Sammyiam]

One of my biggest concerns was that when my son had his baby what would I do if he named the baby the same name as one of my abusers, he doesn't know who they were so has no idea of their names. I know I could never love or hug someone with that name I just couldn't do it. It was my biggest fear, I can not even say that name out loud I never have been able to and lucky they are not very common names sort of old fashion nowadays. Just makes me sick even thinking about it.