When You Hit That Plateau...

[piratelady]

At times I tend to do the same thing - where I pretend that everything is fine and am not honest. As I became more comfortable I felt almost compelled to start opening up and being honest. I found I had a lot of anxiety about it, but my therapist handled it extremely well and it has made it even easier to be honest. If you can find a competent therapist and are able to give it some time, I think you could benefit from therapy. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find a therapist that is competent and that you can become comfortable with. I went through 3 therapists before I found one I meshed well with.

 

[saffy]

I either go into survival mode, shut down and start lying about my situation so they'll think that I'm fine and I can get away, or panic and start crying because I am so terrified.

This forum is my only outlet with people who understand. I spend a lot of time reading posts and opinions and tips etc and really reflect on what has been said and done. I find this much easier than facing someone.

FOr me I do not like to show negative emotions, like upset or tears or anger I become withdrawn because I do not want them to see this. I see it as making myself too vulnerable and if I am triggered I have no one to go to for support. I hate the feeling it is horrible, heavy and dark.

Discussing things on here is a lot easier for me. I can feel I can be open, go off line if I need a break or need to cry etc and I can take as much time I like to answer or talk.

I think that even some of the best therapists can sometimes not quite understand the intensity of our feelings because they have never really experienced it. So you might have to try a few to find one who you really connect with. If you have hang on to them. I find on here people can totally empathise because they are suffering too.

I embrace what ever I can that makes me feel like I am making progress by what ever means. Nothing is written in stone about how to get help. :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[KatB]

You have no idea how much I really relate to your post, saffy. Were you raised in a family where emotions were not really taken seriously or denied? Maybe you were, or maybe not. I just feel that you and I have a lot in common once it comes to sharing hidden emotions/thoughts. I do exactly the same thing.

I hate to bare the facts of my feelings and facing them in front of others brings me in a corner or I just go somewhere, cry, scream, whatever and then just come out. I believe it has to do with the wanting of not being vulnerable and/or human to others. Pride brings denial and denial is best for us because we don't want to believe that we can be human and vulnerable. I may be wrong, but I understand what it means to be ashamed of not showing our negative thoughts.

 

[saffy]

Were you raised in a family where emotions were not really taken seriously or denied?

Yes, some times I think my behaviour is so irrational I really try to avoid anything confrontational. But if trying to get someone to listen its almost like I am immediately defensive and upset because I do not know how to feel or how to communicate it or assume they are not really listening or even trying to acknowledge how I feel about things.

I was never allowed to show my feelings or to say how I feel, I was always told 'no you don't' or 'now your just being stupid'. Actually it was very hurtful they were telling me I did not feel like I did, who are they to take away how I feel. And my feelings are definately not stupid, at least I know that now!

I was never really listened to and was spoken at not to, if that makes sense. Out side the house I could never show weakeness with my peers at the time. Got into the wrong crowd. NOt because I couldn't really stick up for myself but I felt I had no one to turn to for support. What ever happened I was always the blame, no matter what.

And the disapproving stuck up looks I got all the time. The atmosphere in the house you could have cut a knife in, tense all the time. That's just the tip of the emotional side of the abuse.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Martin Taylor]

My family was my problem. Rampant invalidation of emotions, etc. Even now, way too many years later my mother (now old enough to fall asleep while playing scrabble) says that I was sensitive and don't remember the violence, etc, correctly. I just have to accept that in some ways they are part of the problem and heal with or without them. Bottom line is that no one that has not been there understands. Spouses may be sympathetic, but that is not the same as understanding the nightmares, or discomfort with crowds, or the hyper vigilance, etc. Don't forget, our behavior affects those around us and they have to adapt. We can't change them or making them anything other than they are (Sorry, I don't mean to be preachy here). We get the help we can and take charge of our healing. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm rambling so I'll be quiet.

 

[Martin Taylor]

thanks, gismo.