This is probably a little petty to post but it got up my nose a little so I guess this may be a little vent.
My mother sends me one of those dreadful nauseating emails that asks you to send it on to .... many women etc. Her intention is obviously to make some sort of contact with me but... :unsure: She thinks she is flattering me and all I think is that it describes someone mentally ill or who has been pulverised by abuse.
Quote: "She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming, and she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her. She forgets what she's worth! "
It actually made me feel sick for some reason. I think because this stuff impedes my progress so much.
I feel like I am being petty but:
* Yes you have always wanted me to carry heavy burdens. Especially the ones you kindly handed me. This is supposed to be my role in life and you don't like that I refuse to do so any more.
* You think I can and could deal with stress as I never felt safe to share my pain and was never protected. There has been glaringly obvious evidence to the contrary extending right back into childhood but seeing does not suit you.
* I sing when I am crying and therefore have been denied and continue to be denied help as I am so trapped inside myself. I was not even allowed to own my tears and now I am unable to do so.
*I "laughed" when afraid as I was afraid all the time and showing it was not safe for me. And because I was dissociated out of my head.
* My love of others was unconditional and when the love returned to me was conditional and it kept me trapped, in the way I was taught, in that unsafe so called love, and later in others.
*And yes I forget what I am worth. Actually that is an understatement. When something happens to remind me of the past I emotionally abuse myself as taught. And sometimes more.
Always as was taught.
So yes sadly it describes me absolutely perfectly.
My mother sends me one of those dreadful nauseating emails that asks you to send it on to .... many women etc. Her intention is obviously to make some sort of contact with me but... :unsure: She thinks she is flattering me and all I think is that it describes someone mentally ill or who has been pulverised by abuse.
Quote: "She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming, and she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her. She forgets what she's worth! "
It actually made me feel sick for some reason. I think because this stuff impedes my progress so much.
I feel like I am being petty but:
* Yes you have always wanted me to carry heavy burdens. Especially the ones you kindly handed me. This is supposed to be my role in life and you don't like that I refuse to do so any more.
* You think I can and could deal with stress as I never felt safe to share my pain and was never protected. There has been glaringly obvious evidence to the contrary extending right back into childhood but seeing does not suit you.
* I sing when I am crying and therefore have been denied and continue to be denied help as I am so trapped inside myself. I was not even allowed to own my tears and now I am unable to do so.
*I "laughed" when afraid as I was afraid all the time and showing it was not safe for me. And because I was dissociated out of my head.
* My love of others was unconditional and when the love returned to me was conditional and it kept me trapped, in the way I was taught, in that unsafe so called love, and later in others.
*And yes I forget what I am worth. Actually that is an understatement. When something happens to remind me of the past I emotionally abuse myself as taught. And sometimes more.
Always as was taught.
So yes sadly it describes me absolutely perfectly.
