A Little Message From My Mother.

[Abstract]

I think you might have to consider that she does not hear or see you.

Thanks for that Gizmo. :hug: I am sorry you were never seen either. It is painful.

Yes, there is absolutely no doubt that my mother can't or won't see me. I tried everything over the years and then gave up. I am just an extension of her or a receptacle for what she wants to put on me. I thought I had come to terms with this and mourned it but it seems not.

 

[Abstract]

I think because it is our Mother, a part of us will always care. So while I love her, I have to be able to accept that she will never be able to love me back in the way I need her to. .

Loverneverfails,
Thank you! Yes, this is very true. The sad thing is that I thought I had done this. Accepted what is not going to be and what is not possible. Mourned the death of my fantasy as real as a true one. The death of my ever having that mother or that family. Then accepting what is there and protecting myself accordingly. So this is a bit unexpected. But you are right. Maybe there will always be moments.

I wish you luck with yours and remember your situation.

 

[Abstract]

I think our Moms will always "push our buttons" whether our not they mean to. It's part of the parenting bond that is automatic.

Thanks Movin'On.
In truth I don't really feel like my mother is my mother any more most of the time. I don't really feel I was parented or that there was a "parenting bond". I think what hurts is the memories that these concepts link directly back to.

Thanks re the venting! I have only started being able to do that very recently at the age of 45. :rolleyes:

 

[Bilby]

Can you mark her e-mail address as spam so that you don't see the e-mails and they get deleted straight away? Just a thought - whether or not you feel that you can take that step is another story though, huh?

I hope you're ok - and vent away when you need to!

:hug:

 

[Shellbell]

I don't this is a petty issue either. The bond a daughter has for her mother, despite whatever abuse they inflicted, is a very complicated one.

I think there is a grieving process that needs to occur when realising our mothers are not real mothers who cared. And I think that process can be an ongoing one, that is particularly difficult if there is still contact.

And there are always memories and they will hurt sometimes, no matter how much T.

And I think it is good to vent about these things. It's not good to keep it inside.

Big hugs (((((Abstract))))) and anyone with an abusive mother (((((hugs))))).

 

[Abstract]

((((((Bilby and Shellbell)))))
I am sorry I ran away. I appreciate your responses and shall come back and reply properly. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Abstract))) I hear you about mourning the losses. It takes time. It is very hard to deal with not being seen or heard. It is a shock to realize this. To be treated like an object and a thing. To be an extension of another person is a new concept for me that I am having a hard time absorbing.

To grieve through this to the point that you understand this is it. This is what to expect from them. I am struggling with this one now and it is taking me time to fully understand what this means. I do not want any more communication with this person but that is not possible at this time.

I really feel for you. Of course you love her and need her. I hope you will find a solution to the emails. My heart goes out to you. Such a hard thing to accept. I wish you the best in your grieving over what will never be. Big hugs.

 

[Bilby]

No apology necessary. I hope you are ok :)

:hug:

B x

 

[Tanishq]

Dear Abstract, I don't have anything to say. Giving Big hug to you. :hug: