What Do You Want From Therapy?

[DharmaGirl]

My T explained to me that trauma therapy has 3 parts. The first is establishing trust and safety, and learning coping skills. The second part is the trauma work, the 3rd is ...I forget. I was so dissociated the first 6 months of therapy, I hardly remember anything. He also told me that my trauma can only be healed in a relationship. The first year I would get antsy and blurt out my trauma and end up retraumatizing myself. After the 2nd time I stopped, too painful.

It is not apparent when my T pushes me. I do feel pushed sometimes. I am present during therapy now and have started going through it. I'm taking it slowly since I have high suicidality. He is really good at asking questions that reveal where I am stuck, without being blunt. I have never been able to talk to someone like this before. I am able to tell him how I feel about him, the therapy, where we are headed, and when I aware-how I am feeling. This took a year of just talking about non trauma related things and learning skills that allowed me to be present. During the week when I am practicing skills, or working on trauma, or whenever, I usually write a question down that I'm curious about and use that to start off. I used to feel like it was going nowhere but now I can see where it went.

 

[JustBe]

WOW! :confused: So Much good input and info! I can see that I really am an infant with Therapy! Lots to learn!:hug:

 

[Pencil]

WOW! :confused: So Much good input and info! I can see that I really am an infant with Therapy! Lots to learn!:hug:

Ditto! Great thread! Thanks Pirate.

 

[Pencil]

A question: How would a T deal with attachment issues, specifically anxious ambivalent attachment?

 

[Abstract]

How would a T deal with attachment issues, specifically anxious ambivalent attachment?

Its killing me that I can't participate! :rolleyes: Don't have time yet. But ((Pencil))) your approach to going to T at present exactly represents that type of attachment. I think its very helpful you have the diagnoses now and because you are obviously an intelligent woman you can fight against the tendencies that you will have. That is always very uncomfortable to do but will also help you heal. I think you are brave to discuss all this.

And I too am glad Piratelady is kind enough to let everyone discuss all this. It will help me too.

 

[Lionheart]

A question: How would a T deal with attachment issues, specifically anxious ambivalent attachment?

I hope it is okay for me to participate in this thread. I have just become aware of my own attachment issues and was reading this, so I wanted to share some of the therapy goals I learned about...

Some of the things a "t' would do is to help you to identify early losses and to mourn those things which never were, but are deeply yearned for. They would also assist to provide closure to unresolved relationships with parental figures and help you to reorganize your belief system and physiological reactions to attachment relationships.

I hope this is helpful. I still have much to learn about the processes involved as I am just beginning to address my own attachment anxiety and ambivalence.

 

[Pencil]

Some of the things a "t' would do is to help you to identify early losses and to mourn those things which never were, but are deeply yearned for. They would also assist to provide closure to unresolved relationships with parental figures and help you to reorganize your belief system and physiological reactions to attachment relationships.

Gawd, this sounds frightening! This would make me more anxious and more ambivalent towards the whole process, never mind the T

 

[Rumors]

I think what I tend to forget is that T's are NOT mind readers. It is up to me to say, "hey this is bothering me.". As well, T gives me the tools and the suggestions to get through things but can't go with me! If i am finding it hard to use those tools or need practice using them, I think I should say, "I need help or practice using said tools.". I have to be responsible for my own therapy and healing. If I want someone to do it for me, it won't work. I think T's give us the tools and the experiences they share to find our way and then it is up to us to carry on. I know that I have to take charge of my own life but I know I have a partner that shares my desire for my well being in my T. That is kind of cool bc I don't know that I have ever had that type of support before. I have lots of people that love me but not necessarily the right way or are healthy enough to be a support system for me. I am not suggesting that this isn't exactly how everyone feels btw, but just my perception of what I see in my therapy.

What do I want from Therapy? LOTS! I want to know HOW to achieve these things: I want a mended soul, to trust people without feeling that they want something in return or their goal is to hurt me, to have an intimate relationship without fear, to be a good mom, be happy without remorse, not think that it is always my fault (I slowly am better at this), get rid of the anxiety, hmmmmm... Let me think about some more.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I want more emdr. It has changed my life forever for the good.

 

[Abstract]

specifically anxious ambivalent attachment?

Pencil.

I little question: as far as I know anxious ambivalent is normally a term they use for childhood attachment and I believe it relates to anxious preoccupied in adulthood. That would look like someone needing a lot of reassurance and physical and emotional contact in relationships and seeing the other person as being hostile, unloving etc if that level of interaction is not there all the time. It also tends to then be expressed in hostility or feelings of hostility when that is the case. Does that sound correct or is there rather a need for distance and safety at intervals?

 

[Tinyflame]

I do't think I've read this thread before, and I am unlikely to have anything useful to contribute as I do not have a T. But sometimes when I read these, I wonder if people who have gone to T (like here) have what sounds like almost a better understanding than I would expect most T's to have? Not good ones, or trauma T's, perhaps, but some T's.

Also, is it not possible that some of these things are 'normal'? I don't think we compare ourselves to the general (ie non-ptsd population), but just seems to me that after deaths, bad relationships, +/or abuse, anyone would be hesitant about trusting or doubtful. It really makes you wonder if it's worth it. But then again, what do I know? :confused::rolleyes:

Also, when I think back as a child of 5, for example on my own at the beach for months (no adult supervision or assistance, much, let alone other times), well I don't recall feeling scared, in fact quite happy and at peace. When I hear music from then, I feel happy.

And yet, as a child, the one fear I had (times I recall crying), was getting lost in a store. Not when I was lost on my own, that was different, but only when with someone. Or, if like my sisters, they left me wherever and didn't come back. It would have been easier if I didn't have to wait/ wonder if theye were coming back. If I knew they left, I would have left (on my own).

I like what Rumors wrote, about what they want, or hope to achieve.

 

[Pencil]

Pencil.

That would look like someone needing a lot of reassurance and physical and emotional contact in relationships It also tends to then be expressed in hostility or feelings of hostility when that is the case. Does that sound correct or is there rather a need for distance and safety at intervals?

Abstract - this is a difficult one as it would be both. Not having had any affection or emotional intimacy as a child, coupled with a lot of violence and other stuff, I tend to be very physical and needing a lot of closeness. Yet, I also need to disengage and be in my own bubble. CONSTANT attention gets on my nerves. I don't think lack of affection leads to hostility, rather feeling insecure.