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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Well, not a good day today.

I posted about our divorce on FB several days ago because there is just no way back.

I'm being blamed for my PTSD and held responsible for everything I've said and done whilst she's giving a "poor me" version to her friends. I announced it very carefully and blamed myself and said she was not to blame and asking for the support of our friends.

Today I get a call from her and she's furious. Shouting at me and slamming the phone down. I managed not to get angry or shout back but stood my ground. I have no family at all. Without her I am alone and need my friends to get through the PTSD and the divorce. A world of pain today.
 
I am not feeling good today. I have both of my granddaughters and I do not feel good. I had to take anxiety pills. I hope they help. My husband is not feeling good. I have dog hair in the carpet and the girls are sneezing. I have to vacumn the floor this week. I feel weak and sad and not feel like doing anything. I have to snap out of this.

I have to do my chores. I am worried about my husband. His parkisnons Is really bad today. He is not doing good. I do not know if I should call for an ambulance or not. He is very uncomfortable. I just do not know what to do.
 
I was working on my PTSD workbook.

Can you get this anywhere?

I'm being blamed for my PTSD and held responsible for everything I've said and done whilst she's giving a "poor me" version to her friends.

Having been through divorce, I get this. However, you are not all to blame, try and understand this. Though I don't believe any marriage is always 50-50, we each play a part. There are things she could have done differently. The fact that she got upset with you, despite taking the blame, shows that she has her own issues. My ex blamed me for "not trying" and said our friends felt the same. It didn't matter that I tried therapy, couples therapy, talked to him, etc., before I finally left.

Anyhow, I saw this on facebook and thought I'd share it. I hope you don't take offense, sorry about the swear word.

crazy.webp Click on it to make it larger. You could fill in the word axx with any other word you want.
 
Well I feel a little better rested then the last couple of days. Sleeping has been difficult with my surgical wound, since it was cut through the muscle. Getting up from sleeping is horrible because it feels like gravity is pulling it to the floor. However uncomfortable it is to sleep, I did sleep later and that helped. I am gaining better mobility so that is helping.

I am struggling with my mood. I feel it trying to pull be back under and I am treading water to keep it where it is. That probably has a lot to do with not having therapy for about a month. I have another 3 weeks to go and then with a new therapist since mine is still out.
 
Yeah, Cufflinks, It is really hard, sad and frustrating when people we are/were close to just don't get it-don't bother even bother to inform themselves about our suffering, sorrow, pain, fears and anger.

I really don't understand how my husband stays with me. I don't act out but there are definite times of day when I can't function. When he says things like,"You should have better control over your Ptsd symptoms." when something isn't going his way. He Just doesn't get it that Ptsd is a handicap and a disability over which in reality, I have very little control over.

I hope your friends rally 'round and come to your aid. SOS is a short e-mail. It might be enough to wake them up. Or not.
 
The emotions are a reminder that this stuff is still there and why I want to see Combat Stress to get it back where it belongs.

That makes so much sense to me. When things are going smoothly and all is calm, then I get triggered over a little thing, I realize it's not all behind me. When I'm in the middle of s*** I seem to be able to function. Yet, when all is over and done I fall apart. Now where the heck is the sense in that? I put on a DVD today a friend gave me to watch tonight. It was only when It was on I noticed the cover. Before I could get up to turn it off, the barrel of a gun was point blank up front and center. I threw myself backward, and since my chair wasn't behind me, I hit the deck. I'm just glad there wasn't a table behind me or something sharp. Damn. I'm such an idiot.

I never watch those type of movies. And she knows I don't. So what the heck was she thinking? Now I'm all stick in the neck again. I was this morning as well. Gonna go do some exercises and then a hot shower. (sigh.)
 
Feeling pretty good about all I accomplished at work today. I made a dent anyway. :tup:

Feeling a persistent headache going on day three. Kinda glad tomorrow is an extra day off.

Feeling panic. Deb might come home tomorrow and I don't have everything done at home I wanted to have done.

Feeling an intense need for Chocolate!!!!!!
 

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