Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Tinyflame]

Oh and dear SG, when I said I meant "maybe I wasn't as bad (as I feared)", I didn't mean either-or (as in minimizing it, or not being a burden). I meant in the way of a horrible, regrettable burden. I remember my mom saying, about the first years with my dad, that she cried herself to sleep many nights. And before she died, she said "she didn't think she could go through it again". I realize that's totally different, they were spouses. But my mom was strong, loving, had much faith, was not a 'cry-er". And their marriage by then was very strong, my dad couldn't have done more to try to make it up to her (and he definitely I think had ptsd). I could only respond at the time, "Well, you don't have to go through it again mom" (my dad was long since dead). But I don't know if she regretted it. Going by how crazy in love she was for my dad, and he for her, (she seemed to 'see' him before she died, as did my grandma- of all things), well I hope she didn't regret it. Yet I wonder if it caused her sorrow that was not worth it, despite their great marriage later.

It's a horrible feeling, to be 'harmful' to others. To me, it's just inexcusable (for myself). Life is too difficult to make others' lives harder or burdens heavier or to be such a nuisance/ burden. :(

If (my) 'healing' or being helped requires or causes (and/ or has caused that), I most gladly will remain 'unhealed'.

 

[Phenioxrising]

Junebug, you make perfect sense. Like if that part of your soul that was damaged "shattered". What was and what happened, to make you the way you are. After shattering, you can come to grips that that will never change, and use it to learn from. While useing the positive aspect to contribute to the world around you. Even though some people don't seem very appreciative. IMO.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Phoeniox, I don't want to be who I was, either. Though I'd rather feel whole or home or at peace, and definitely not be a selfish a$$hole, to others, :( , my ptsd should be no one's problem but mine.

 

[Phenioxrising]

YW, and you know some people deserve a F*uck off once in awhile. Let them know, and open their eyes to how your being treated. Yes, ptsd is our problem but they don't have to set us off. Your not being selfish, it's good to pamper yourself, even if it might not feel right. Just say I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take being treated the way I don't want to.

Also I don't think we'll ever feel quite as whole as we once were. we have been damaged. and for me it makes me feel good helping others on their journey. After all Life is simply were born we live and we die. but Liveing is what we choose it to be.

 

[Tinyflame]

That's a good attitude to have Phenioxrising, to make the most of each day.

Well, I don't usually get ('feel') angry, you see. And when I do, I try to step back, mentally and with time, because I'm sure I will 'feel' justified (when I am angry, doesn't mean I actually am, though). I try to take time to see it from others' (potential) perspective.

Also, anger can be a different way to express hurt (for all of us). Or having expectations. I try not to have those.

Rage is different though, nothing to try to discuss with that (at the moment it occurs, usually).

I agree, if I (anyone) has expressed what they can't bear, and the other person continues, well, that's no good. But I don't think it's anyone's fault if they say or do something that triggers me, gosh I don't even know what some of my triggers are, I learn. Sometimes it takes a long time to figure them out.

 

[Sailorgal]

I asked to know if I should just be 'happy', and thankful for all that's happened, and the help. Or, conversely, to realize that the ptsd and myself have left me very selfish; to me, sharing what I have has been very selfish. (And if I will always have ptsd, then maybe I should make myself scarce because maybe I won't manage it well enough. I didn't say that, though. That's just realistic- protecting others from 'myself'.)

(((Junebug))) You never have to feel regrettable. It's easy to regret to think we've caused harm to others and burdened them but really, if someone reaches out, it's because they care. It is very difficult to deal with because honestly, is it something as human beings we want to happen to people? No. But being difficult doesn't make YOU difficult or bad. Obviously, your friend has remained loyal and supportive. He obviously has seen changes and growth in your life that let him know his friendship has been valuable.

I think one of the saddest things about medial industry is the labels. It is self defeating to say "I will always have PTSD" because it's not like a constant like someone who is missing a limb or has an illness or condition that is permanent and predictable (in terms of symptoms). Like MS, it affects people in a similar fashion. PTSD is not like that and there is no warning sign. It may show up once for the rest of your life, or you may experience a NEW trauma and you start from ground zero or below. Who knows! :eek: It makes it challenging. I think the real issue is about dealing with what is happening to you now with what you have going on. You know you have PTSD and most likely you will respond this way, then the important thing is learning to take action about it whether it's learning to self-care and self-love (what I personally see as one of the big roadblocks to healing), setting up boundaries, or getting out there and learning to live again and face challenges dead on.

I wish I could say 5 years ago this is where I see myself. I can't. I can't guarantee I won't throw someone over the bridge if they hurt me. BUT I can say that from this day forward I'm going to focus on today...a little of tomorrow and do what I can to make the best decisions for me TODAY. I know what I can handle today and where I'm at.

That's great that your sister doesn't bring up the past. However, scars are there - our experiences "color" us to who we are, the good and the bad. It affects how we see people. It's a very difficult thing to get past that because it's about someone's personality, not necessarily about a past incident. I hope she can see you for who you are today, not how you did things before, but today.

For whatever reason, you can't be concerned with how people can handle what you say. You also can't feel like someone is suffocating the life out of you. There are ways to share and vent without going into details like SI. Things like "you know, I REALLY just need 5 minutes to myself or I'm gonna explode!" and say it with a smile and chuckle. Some people just have a very difficult time adjusting to those who are different. It makes them seem unlikeable or uncaring. But the thing is, you can't waste too much time on them. You have to think about yourself first. Are YOU ok with you? Are YOU saying this to release anger and hurt at someone? When you find you had good motives, then you can look at how your words affect others. It doesn't mean you are bad, just some people respond to things differently. Even our voice tone makes a difference to people. Someone may think you are a total B, and another person hears you say the exact same thing and doesn't see anything off. Some people take another person's shyness or quietness as being stuck on themselves or a snob. Others see that as insecure. Perceptions are funny....but you just be the best you first, not worrying about making sense or what not. Make sense to yourself first, saying things YOU want to say in the way you want.

Here is an interesting thought: ask your friend how he has seen you change since you first talked. What is different. Let him know you really want him to be honest because you are feeling more motivated to improve your life and want to see what your progress looks like to someone on the outside. Ask him how he perceives you. If he says things like, "Well, I know how you really feel," that's not that you want to know. You want OUTSIDER's perspective. You want to hear, "When you do this, you LOOK like...." Sorry for all this. Coming from sales, a lot of it is image and perception. There is a LOT of psychology in sales (actually, it all is - LOL) so you really learn that what you say and how you say makes a difference in how people perceive you. Of course, with PTSD, it adds a great layer in between, but bit by bit you can overcome it. We all need to improve our communication but we don't need to LIVE for other people. Some have their issues no matter what we say or do. Hope that makes sense!

Funny you mention the shattering. It is very much like that because we are in so many pieces, going all over the place. What happens inward doesn't necessarily reflect what people see on the outward.

I'm having to refocus on my external for my interview next week big time! I blew one interview because frankly, I didn't care about the job thought I desperately needed one. I later realized that "selling myself" was always easy but since my trauma, everything has fallen apart. I can't even imagine how awful I sounded.....it was really depressing me. Even if I didn't want the job, it shouldn't have been that difficult for me...but it was. I didn't care. THAT is where I need to put PTSD under control. So any rate, I am having to put all the stops in next week as I will be scrutinized on everything, down to my fingernails! Ha! Talk about jumping in the fire! :spitdummy:

Thanks for asking about the docs. Well, let's just say that when I moved, I apparently shipped my docs and now it's lost with the postal system. I already filed a claim but.....sigh.... All but one of the docs are recoverable after about $1000. One document can ONLY be requested by my parents, but almost impossible as the original records are not located in this country. In fact, I've heard others try their local embassies and no luck. :(

Alas, time will tell.

It really helps to have friends you can vent with and get sympathy and support, but also a kick in the butt.

Ok mojitos ready!!!! Thanks soo much dear Junebug!!! :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh dear Sailorgal, thank YOU. I was feeling a bit down and disheartened, (the downside of too much shoveling and food, and too little Mojitos! Ha.) But no, seriously, what you've said means a lot. I know you are correct, and I feel very much (virtually exactly) as you described, shattered is an apt word. I have the 'biggest roadblocks' you mentioned. And feel (outside of work, where I project an (apparently, so they say) happy etc demeanour), very much out of energy to concern myself with how I am projecting myself on a personal level. But I agree, and very much have tried to watch my voice, delivery etc with (for) my sister. I always think as it's said too, sometimes the people closest to us can actually get the 'worst' side. :(

You are so very kind with your words, as regarding ('not') being a burden as a person. It never occurred to me, that 'I' am (not) a burden, but the things that have occurred are what is difficult (for anyone else).

I really appreciate it too, because my intentions are good, or I hope they are, I think so. Not withstanding I know I can be selfish too. Yikes, as I said, worse than I knew. :(

Funny you should say that, because my friend said it (was/ is) not regrettable, because I have a good heart and 'look at who I am today'. (To which I though, "OMG- EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!", that's how I feel about the 'today me'.) But maybe, I don't see what I have 'improved' with, and like you said I can ask (using your specific example). The only thing I *can* say, is that my friend has similar beliefs as I do, that has helped give me meaning to what I've gone through, and to bridge my own lack of faith when I can't bear it, and I do trust what he says. Which is a minor miracle, not because I want to hang on to mistrusting others, but only because I've only known one trustworthy (well 2, possibly 3) people in my life, which remained that solid, well just one 'that' solid. Also, he forgave me 'first', when I didn't know he knew I was being 'anonymous', and he let it go. Most people would have been angry or disgusted enough to call (me) on it, just because of their own anger about it.

You are so kind SG. I guess I was feeling down and doubtful. You are really SOOOOOO Sweet, (sweet as my dog, hee :inlove: :hug: ), that doesn't sound right but didn't know that is possible ;) :) .

I did think of one thing, (well 2), maybe for all of us SG. My friend says "everything is a gift". So maybe, even these things, will turn out to produce something good, for everyone. Plus I just hope anyone who ever helps me gets a Big Fat Reward. :) I think if what-goes-around-comes-around, it must be so. (I hope so). Also, people can help and not even realize it, like once my friend said once years ago as regards a particular thing I didn't (in a way "couldn't") do, that it wasn't my fault (even though logically, it should/ *could* have prevented what happened (to someone else), had I not heard that, I know it would have been a center of terrible guilt for me, I've even been blamed for it. However, I wasn't responsible for what the other person ended up doing, and I did the best I could (with their welfare first and foremost genuinely in mind). But, it really prevented a lot. In that way, I do wonder to what degree ptsd 'sprouts' from, or is worsened or lessened by, having support.

And you are right, it may not always be this bad, an unpredictable course doesn't mean it's only a bad one or it would be predictable.

OMG SG, I hear your terrible fear with the papers. I will keep saying them, can only hope the post can track it without costing 1000$, and/ or you get the ones you need (even if others have not been able, that you are able to). That you will get wise and compassionate people to help you. I can only think, if you are not able, you should rest assured and try not to be disappointed, because it really isn't meant to be if it is so thoroughly beyond your control. But know then, something even better will transpire. But first-things-first, I will 'ask' (am a 'pest', by nature ;) ), and of course that the interview goes better than you can even imagine. :)

And thank you, as always for your kindness. And vote of confidence to be 'myself'- scrambled, confused, neourotic and eccentric, or not, lol.

(((((((((Sweet SG))))))), xox.

 

[Sailorgal]

I can only think, if you are not able, you should rest assured and try not to be disappointed, because it really isn't meant to be if it is so thoroughly beyond your control.

Thanks so much for the vote of confidence Junebug! My dilemma is though that without these documents, I will NEVER be allowed to work in the US again. Yes, I am a citizen but documents (proof) is EVERYTHING. I'm living a catch-22 deeper than I ever thought. There are no options for me. So yes, thanks for your support and I'm praying and hoping my documents are actually even in the lost box! SIGH... :hungover: And unfortunately, some companies are very strict about providing proof. What I'm interviewing for is one of the particulars as it is related to the government. I have a small window from I can provide the proof. If not, OUT. I think I'm hanging myself here....really. :banghead:

I always think as it's said too, sometimes the people closest to us can actually get the 'worst' side.

It is true....for soo many reasons. We often have fewer walls and don't even realize how we are. I hope you don't have to walk on eggshells but just be aware of how you communicate with her. Based on history, certain things sets her off as well. She may not even realize that was she does causes you to react a certain way subconsciously. Your facial expression - as small as that can send her off to say something callous to you.

Sometimes we have to educate people on what we need or how to talk to us (that's part of speaking up for yourself too, it's not just about being heard). Of course, with our situation that can change all the time! Ha! But as someone who used to be an excellent communicator, I am now struggling because my inside and outside doesn't always sync up. I start backtracking and analyze my motives and fears to death. I am retraining myself now. LOL! Don't be afraid to use the "next time, it would be helpful if you say it like this instead of that." And learning to redirect responses with questions before reacting like, "So, what you're telling me is this?" Our defenses are on high alert all the time. It was hard for me to do at first and I still struggle. I have to run through things a bit til I get to that place as well. But you know what, when you approach it like this, people are more appreciative and are more receptive. It puts them in a helpful mode than a defensive mode. (again, the psychology! ha ha!)

I hope you talk to your friend as I mentioned. It will be really eye opening for you and I believe will instill more confidence within you. Sometimes we don't see things that are positive that others see. When we feel shattered, we have soo many things going on and we need to start putting the pieces together to get a true picture of who we are TODAY. Some pieces only speak about the past, others speak about the future based past hurts, others just want to avoid/deny....having someone on the outside makes you face yourself (which is why therapy helps) and at the same time, you are hearing yourself. For years, we have been conditioned by others which has resulted in PTSD... hearing the positive changes will make some type of impact on the new conditioning. You can't deny it because it's YOUR words. :)

I myself still kick myself for things I said/didn't say. I'm having to deal with "it's done, you can't change anything" about it, just the next time around say what I really want to say it, but in a way that comes across how I mean it to be. We don't want to be a shell....we want our outside to match our inside eventually. :ninja:

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh my gosh, dear Sailorgal, no wonder you are worried (re: the documents). But I don't say that as to give you grounds to worry more, try not to fear the worst, and to go each step. And don't throw the towel in on your interview.

I am wondering if there could be recourse- or an Ombudsman of sorts; I am thinking for people who have lost documents for example in natural disasters, and such. Know that I have, with overland (severe) flooding, also was in such a state of fear (founded) once around 2005/ 2006, I put many very important and valuable things somewhere 'safe' in the house.. do you think for the life of me I can find them. :rolleyes: Oye. At least I know they're 'somewhere' safe..

I will keep saying them!! :hug:

Thank you for your words of wisdom, yes I agree with all you've said, as regards delivery, understanding where my sister's coming from, what could set her off, etc. At a small level I've been able to accomplish that, and I think it's contributed to reducing some of the pain and rage out here! Yes, times are eggshells, but I am learning.

Oh boy.. not smoking sure contributes to what I mean slipping out, lol.

I never thought asking anything, or speaking up per se, was really that possible. To be honest, I'm not that inclined or comfortable getting into discussions about 'me' (though honest feedback or a necessary kick in the butt is appreciated!) Actually it's funny, I can usually recall the minutest details of a person's life they tell me, but I don't usually share much of my own. Though at the same time I might forget the 'big stuff', like their name or where the car is parked. :rolleyes:

Seriously though, I thought it certainly explains why I've stayed with abusive people or less than the safest circumstances. There (then) you don't have to reveal anything (they're more concerned with themself), not have expectations (you know they will fail), not trust (you (I) know it wouldn't be founded to give). Etc. It's a cop-out, really. A way to never have to face any of this stuff. But it also makes for crossed wires, some association to kindness being only painful.

I was thinking though, I am so thankful for getting 'breaks' where perhaps it was never deserved or not even recommended, but nonetheless has been a relief and helpful. I'm all for facing this 'stuff', but sometimes it's nice to be given a break from battling it, like a mini (un)deserved-or-not break.

I was thinking maybe, as per people, "God" as well, maybe just because things are impossible to understand, doesn't mean it doesn't change alot. In that, like for example, they say 'God' loves everyone. Like you said, there's all so many thoughts and questions (at all times), we 'disput' things, or can't understand it, or second-guess. But I was thinking, if you forget abput the "why's" (or specifically the arguments "not"), and just take it at face value (with full cognizance of realizing you don't get how that can be), well it changes whether you'd approach (for example)God or not. Or feel like He's on your side. More a "go-to" person, for help vs pain and panic. Same with people, really.

Also I thought, well I guess, ptsd is [or accepting it is (for me) ] just part of 'what You choose, not me', saying, maybe.

Big hugs SG, all body parts crossed for papers!

Mojitos ready to celebrate... Well ok, just ready in general. :) :inlove: :hug:. Xoxox.

 

[Sailorgal]

***stirring up the mojitos***

There is something very refreshing about mint, isn't there? Why is it that mojitos makes you smile? :)

Ah Junebug, thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it. It's soo hard facing realization of working and this is just one thing I really don't need. And I even checked with the embassy. I'm sure if I was a refugee, there would be some type of assistance, but no such luck. Dead or alive, only my parents can request MY documents. Can you believe it, I have NO RIGHTS to my own docs!!! Argh!!! Ok sorry....

They say misery loves company. They also say people insecure on the inside often hang out with others to make themselves feel better. Like you said, when others have drama and self-absorbed, it's easier to hide. At the same rate, how unhealthy is that???? Nothing positive can come from that.

It is challenging being around "normalcy" because you feel exposed, like a mark on you. It's annoying hearing the cliche "it'll be all right," as they continue on talking about their lives and struggles which are nothing major. BUT...wouldn't you rather stress over which temp to cook the roast in versus how many more drugs do I need to feel somewhat put together?

Opening up doesn't mean sharing your pain, your vulnerabilities or weaknesses. Opening up is jyst saying you want to be included, relate. You gave struggles, they do too. Everyone does. It can be sad at first because it reminds us of what we wish we had, being in control of our feelings. But it doesn't mean they have the answers. And the healthier ones sometimes can lend a little more support because their cup is not too full. :)

Being honest with ourselves is healthier than bottling things up out of fear. :)

It's a fine line with PTSD sometimes because we shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. Sadly, the damage done creates that environment though. So that is where we can only do our best come into play.

Self-analysis is powerful but we can deceive ourselves at times. That's why getting outside feedback is constructive. It can be scary and humbling....

You are sweeter than a candycane Junebug!!!! Thanks for the hugs!!!! Back at you! :)

 

[Tinyflame]

.. only my parents can request MY documents. Can you believe it, I have NO RIGHTS to my own docs!!! Argh!!!

They also say people insecure on the inside often hang out with others to make themselves feel better. Like you said, when others have drama and self-absorbed, it's easier to hide. At the same rate, how unhealthy is that???? Nothing positive can come from that.

It is challenging being around "normalcy" because you feel exposed

Being honest with ourselves is healthier than bottling things up out of fear. :)

It's a fine line with PTSD sometimes because we shouldn't have to walk on eggshells. Sadly, the damage done creates that environment though. So that is where we can only do our best come into play.

Self-analysis is powerful but we can deceive ourselves at times. That's why getting outside feedback is constructive. It can be scary and humbling....

Dear Sailorgal, hee- yes, it's the mint.. ;)

What you have said is correct, I think the bold one is the most true, for me. And fear that revealing much= exposure= dangerous. Not sure if that's exactly how to 'say' it. I don't know how to not bottle it up, really.

You are right, this is how I feel too. I, lately at least, feel a bit overwhelmed with 'inclusion'. Actually, it's more difficult one-on-one, as I don't *wan't* to open up at all. Thankfully most people pick up the slack with talk of themselves! Which is ok with me, too. But yes, you are right. (And since I know the temp to cook the roast, maybe I can spend the time thinking of concocting drinks that require a candycane. :) Hee, you are so very sweet. :hug: )

Yes, I can't say I was in the abusive relationships for the security (God knows), just I guess thinking that's all I deserve. Yes, it likely caused more grief and pain than it was ever worth.

It helps a lot, did today, what you said that it does not mean *I* am 'bad' or 'difficult'. Thank you so much.

Hey, how come you suggest everything difficult, hee. ;) Not sure if I could venture into asking for the feedback, though I know you're right. And I can always use the humility. But I am scared of what I'd hear. It'salso been hard just asking anything when I'm desperate, let alone if it's optional. (Plus, realistically, I think I'll give my friend a break, lol. Yes, it is also avoidance of doing it. It doesn't seem like a 'right', or of any or enough importance.)

Thank you so much.

Oh my, I don't know if you're parents are still living SG, or your relationship with them? Can you ask them to do it, as this is the 'law'? Is that when the 1000$ cost will be required? I just hope this is all avoidable. :hug:

On a funny note, for us, for years I always seem to have heart shapes pop up. Everywhere I go, I see rocks, oil spills you name it- shaped like hearts. Even my sister's bf, who's pretty practical and not easily amused, says, "Oh wow", when I show him. Last time he said, "I can drill a hole through and make a necklace". I said it's ok, I just have to look down and there will be another. :confused:

Well yesterday when I was shovelling- it was wet chunky stuff, a piece fell on the sidewalk shaped like a perfect heart. I thought I wonder what all these hearts have always been, maybe to make me laugh (though I didn't find it that amusing, it was freezing, lol). I was never even a person like you see, that draws 'hearts' to dot "i's", etc. So I said to God, "What are these hearts supposed to mean (to me)?" Later, I open a margarine container, perfect heart on top. Then I forgot about it.

Well today I'm leaving church, and I saw there's a sign for a defibrillator- had a heart with "RESTART" written in the center of the heart. Like a button. Now, that did make me laugh. We could use that! :laugh: (Actually amazing I saw it, normally I only see things on the ground, lol. Once even found DENTURES- OMG gross, hee.) But, maybe there is truth in that. It's never had any meaning before to me.

You are so dear SG, :hug: . Please fill me in on the papers/ parents connundrum. (But then again- as you say, that is where (also) we can only do, right now, the best we (you) can do. Still saying them, of course. :) )

Xoxox, :hug:

 

[Sailorgal]

Wow Junebug,

You won't believe it but I collect heart shaped items!!!! It brought tears to my eyes reading that as it was an odd thing you mentioned out of the blue. I think maybe a sign from God. :)

I have a heart rock I collected on the beach on one of the last times I was with my ex. :( I told him to take care of it for me. All my friends know i collect hearts and will usually buy heart shaped things for me.

Yes please start the candycane cider with rum. :)

I lost contact with my folks 20 years ago. Dead end and I really don't wanna go there if you know what I mean.

I'm glad you're feeling a greater sense of relief into accepting yourself. After all, we are with ourselves 24-7! LOL!

I'll give you a personal example of what I went through. In sales, we always do role play. One person is the sales rep, the other is the customer. There is no script for the customer so they can make anything up. The sales rep has a script but some flexibility in how to handle the customer. The rest of my colleagues are watching. We run the scenario and then we are critiqued on how well we did with content (sticking to the script or selling convincingly using the key points),delivery (if we make sense, not fumbling over words), and also our demeanor. We are trained on psychological behaviors aka sales tips. I was told I was confident because I made eye contact with the customer and not read from the paper. Inside I was shaking like a leaf though! A negative was that my answers need to be shorter and too the point versus going around the bush a few times and losing the customer. They became disengaged with too much info they couldn't understand or relate. Specific words and gestures are pointed out. I was called out for crossing my arms. It's habit even when my ex and I are chilling on the boat, snuggling under the stars. I really had to focus on this. Our posture, intonation, holding a pen and paper....all of these things affect our image and give a certain perception. We practice, practice, practice til that smile really is showing confidence and not hiding shaky bones. Often times we don't realize the vibe we give off.

Hearing how others perceive us gives us a better snapshot of where we can improve our ability to communicate more effectively. Note, I didn't say it's because it was wrong. It's about saying what you mean and conveying it so that the audience receives that correct message.

So...if you know you are delivering the message you want, that is all that matters. It will be received correctly. Instead if focusing on whether what you say will hurt them, you always need to know what your objective is. Do I want to show live and support? Do I want to let them know they aten't alone? Do I want to offer a listening ear? Do I jyst want to run away from these ceazy people? Instead if fear, have an objective.

I wouldn't feel bad asking your friend at all. In fact, as he knows you pretty well and one of the few that really understand, I'd value his feedback. I wouldn't ask "how bad was I?" I would say,"You have been such a great friend and support. I'm focusing on strengthening my inner self and evaluating myself but would like your honest assessment as well on what you have seen in regards to my healing and growth. Who was I then and who do you see now? It'll help give me an idea of what I need to work on next."

I did this with a few friends that really opened my eyes. They kept saying "this is not you." So I asked,"then who was I?" It's hard. But once you hear it, and take it as a force for healing, it's powerful. :)

Oh and the dentures on the ground-tooooo funny!!!!!