he doesn't want me to anyway.
but I now realise PTSD is stronger than his love for me will ever be.
Discarded, I think its quite possible that he both wants you (not to fix him of course as that is healthy or good for either of you) and possibly his love for you is strong. People are destructive and self destructive because of
THEM and not anyone else.
It might be worthwhile considering if you have always been focused on getting other to like you as I think that kind of thinking can make it extremely difficult to deal with someone who is suffering and struggling.
the others are all right and you should not accept his abusive behaviour.
it is physical on the inside.
I love the way you expressed that Sailorgal. Thank you.
Believe me, when people hit rock bottom, they are truly ashamed of how they have treated others, but if you continue to prop him up, he ain't gonna get there.
I totally agree with everything As said here. Very well expressed. Discarded, I hope you can really absorb this.
but I don't abuse my family, I go into my room and take a time out.
Totally agree Monster. In my mind one can't hold PTSD responsible. If one could then all people with PTSD would do so. I think it comes down to personality and I also do believe it can be directly linked to trauma. I think pete Walkers "The 4 f's" article says it well. But regardless of the cause OKing it does noone any good. It is not good for the person doing the abusing to abuse. It isolates them, ruins their relationships and if they are able to feel shame and remorse causes painful guilt and loss of self respect. it could even get them put in jail. We don't do anyone any favours by not having boundaries. Easier said than done though!:rolleyes: I watched my sister take a very healthy man with lots of self esteem and excellent boundaries and in 8 years turn him into an eggshell stepping self doubter who had a breakdown. And then she lost respect for him so she divorced him!
I like Hashi do use this a lot too and had not thought it was invalidating so I am sorry if I ever used it with you Gizmo. I hope I will remember. When I say it I am meaning "things are awful and terrible for you - hang onto the edge of the cliff please - don't let go! ". ;)
But you explained why well in post 876 so I understand why it could be read a different way. :inlove:
On taking things personally or not this is what comes to mind. I think anyone has a right to take certain things personally as they are personal:
Swearing aimed at a person.
Name calling.
Aggressive posture.
Physical aggression of any type.
Throwing things near or at someone.
Belittling or tearing apart something someone says whether subtle or not.
I think what is unhelpful for a supporter to take personally is:
If the person looks like they are brooding.
If they are withdrawn.
If they seem irritable or short.
If they are jumpy or nervy.
If they don't wish to speak about therapy or trauma or anything related.
If they are expressing anger about something else which is not directed at the supporter.
If the person is expressing anger healthily.
If the person is saying what is unhelpful for them.
If they can't make the person better or feel cheerful.
if they can't take the pain away.
If they are not asked to be part of getting better.
Being informed, just as an interesting fact, that there's a type of trauma - different from yours - that's the worst thing that could happen to anyone.
Very sorry someone did that to you. Extremely invalidating and as you say - no relevance.
I think this is very well expressed too.
I know that I am verbally abusive. It's not that I think it is acceptable,
And I feel SO crap about it, not only afterwards - a part of me is mortified while I'm doing it.
I think there are lot of good points here. You are aware both during and after. You are taking responsibility. You acknowledge that it is not acceptable. You are acknowledging that it is affecting your life negatively. I think these are things that facilitate someone changing and they take courage. The next step is to change things as it is possible.
