General So What Do We Do As Carers... Do We Continue To Try To Make It Work?

[Invisible-Guy]

Whether you stay or not, get him some help though.

 

[MagiLisu]

invisible-guy, you cannot make someone seek help, they have to want to be helped.

 

[discarded]

So true MagiLisu. I tried to make my sufferer get help, didn't work. Even leaving him had no affect and we were together 28 years.

 

[amethist]

You have to wait until they hit rock bottom sometimes, before they reach out, ask for and except the help.

The question then is "How long do you wait". The answer is different for everyone.

 

[Toria]

Hi Sunshine - this might be a very simplistic way of looking at it, but if he wont seek help for his PTSD could you at least get him to seek treatment for (what would seem to me to be) his depression?

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Help doesn't have to be clininical. It can be any kind of support, friend, family member, or even a pet if he cannot go to a counselor yet. My wife tricked me by initially saying it was "couple counseling" because I withdrew just like he is. After I got comfortable with the counselor, I agreed to keep going and my wife stopped. I just think it's too unsafe to abondon anybody with PTSD. He has to have something other than his internal dialog to focus on. If we are left soley to our own devices, it will end up badly.

 

[MagiLisu]

My wife tricked me by initially saying it was "couple counseling" because I withdrew just like he is.

When I was at my worst if my spouse did that I would have withdrew even more, in fact I probably wouldn't have gone at all. My family tried talking to me, getting me to open up but the more they tried the further I withdrew. I really was not prepared to accept that I needed help. In my eyes they had a problem, not me.

Everyone if different, but you really cannot force someone to get help if they really don't want it.

 

[BigBear]

if my spouse did that I would have withdrew even more

It is important to remember that every case is different.

At the same time, I think that it is critical to get buy-in from the sufferer. No one can make them better. They have to do it themselves. The chance that someone who is tricked will become dedicated to the proposition, seems slim!

Bear

 

[Invisible-Guy]

What can be done for him then? Just leave him?

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Bottom line, I'd be dead right now if not for my wife. I know I put her through hell, but she stayed anyway. Now we're starting to get our relationship back. It took time though. I guess I'm to close to the subject and should stay out, but I just couldn't imagine what it'd be like to have PTSD and be completely abandoned. As it is, I was almost completely abondoned. I guess I couldn't live with the consequences of leaving someone in that condition either. I still beat myself up over friends that have commited suicide, i couldn't handle bailing on my partner and seeing that happen. Advice is easy to give but harder to receive. I guess you have to dig into your own heart and see what you can live with and what you cannot. I know it's difficult, because either way will involve some pain. Anyways, I'm sorry to hear about your husbands condition. Take care, IG.

 

[MagiLisu]

It is important to remember that every case is different.

This was what I was trying to get at, what worked for Invisible-Guy would not have worked for me.

I don't know what will work for Sunshine71's husband, I really don't. Only they can judge how they feel their husband would react and what they feel their boundaries were.

I was very close to the edge myself but it took my family leaving me alone for me to realize what I was doing to myself and that if I didn't seek help I would be like this forever. I also owe my life to my spouse & family. Different approaches but the same/ similar result.