Sufferer Need To Connect With Something Outside Of My Head.

[HOME ALONE]

Wow..I don't think I've ever felt kinship like this in my life.

I cannot travel as I never know what is going to happen to me while I'm away, but I work with folks who travel the world as a way of life. Whenever anyone asks me what I'd like as a souvenier from ANYWHERE, I only want a rock.

You have read my mind in your post today. Let's hang in there :)

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

recently we've actually been reading the writing during a session. This has been hard for me because I hate hearing my thoughts out loud. It forces me to process them.

This ^. (I usually hate it when people say that, but what else is there to say!) I don't know if it's processing them, it is probably. I haven't been able to read back any of my journals from pointless just for the sake of documenting days to detailed descriptions of flashbacks and what was going through my head. If I do read them I shut down and can't relate. I've asked myself if that meant it wasn't true, or they weren't real memories but the anger at the idea and insinuation backed up by the knowledge that I really do know it's true but I don't want to believe it.

Thanks Home Alone.

AJ
xx

 

[Mcll]

"I want to stop carrying what is not mine to carry."

I can definitely relate to this.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I wasn't going to post this but then each, actualyl no I won't post it all but here are the two ways I was able to describe how I've been feeling to my therapist (accompanied by two pages, which I'm not uploading of rather painful rambling - I can't believe he said I write well from that!).

1. I’m carrying this enormous boulder, it’s grown bigger and bigger so that now it’s so heavy I can’t put it down without help. But if someone can just help support it for a moment I could get a breath and carry on holding it until I have the strength and right support to put it down.

2. It's like being swept down a river, alarming but not entirely terrible even slightly peaceful at some things. But then the noise is like being uncontrollably dragged under and bashed into debris and rocks - it's a fight to survive and all I want is to breathe another gasping breath before having it blown back out of me

For those of you that like metaphors.

AJ
xx

P.S feeling much, much better today- now.

 

[HOME ALONE]

If it were not for metaphors, no-one could understand me.

I am glad you are feeling better now.

 

[shoulderblades]

Kas_can_fly, welcome to the forum. *hugs*

I collect crystals and have used them for grounding. I'm particularly fond of my hematite stone, my black obsidian stone and my black tourmaline stone. They ground me immensely when I'm able to focus.

Stones and gems are, in my opinion, wonderful grounding tools. They're directly from the earth; they contain the energies of our earth; they connect us to our planet, our space, our home. They remind us of our space and our physical selves. They emit their own vibrations (as all things with atoms and molecules in them do) and resonate with our own vibrations.

I also like standing on the ground with no shoes on. I find that very grounding. There's a beautiful quote about that, which I wish I could remember verbatim (my memory is awful, thanks to PTSD) but I'll paraphrase: When we stand barefoot upon the ground, it's impossible to forget the earth and our connection with her.

I hope you find lots of help and support here. Many of us do. I certainly have. Again, welcome. You're in good company here. *hugs*

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

This is so overwhelming, but for once the overwhelming-ness is nice. Thank you.

 

[shoulderblades]

*big hug* :-)

 

[Girl3]

I have 'magic' rocks that my daughter gives me. When she finds a rock that she really likes, she gives it to me to keep me safe. Once I got searched at the airport because of one of the rocks in my bag - it was long and roundish - the TSA agent thought it was a rifle bullet. But whenever I need to feel grounded in her love, I just get out one of the magic rocks.

In the meantime, I hope you also begin reading about your PTSD - there are many good books recommended on the books page. When you begin to realize that the things you feel are fairly standard for PTSD, you won't feel so freaked out. Reading can also help you prepare for the work you and your therapist will do.

The emotional numbing and not knowing why your brain is locking onto things is part of PTSD picture. Learning to have feelings - the full range of feelings - is challenging. Sometimes you just cry like a pot boiling over, sometimes you're so angry you want to punch holes in the walls. And sometimes you feel nothing. Empty.

But it can get better. So I wish you much insight, strength, and love on this marvelous journey.

 

[71nothing]

1. I’m carrying this enormous boulder, it’s grown bigger and bigger so that now it’s so heavy I can’t put it down without help. But if someone can just help support it for a moment I could get a breath and carry on holding it until I have the strength and right support to put it down.

2. It's like being swept down a river, alarming but not entirely terrible even slightly peaceful at some things. But then the noise is like being uncontrollably dragged under and bashed into debris and rocks - it's a fight to survive and all I want is to breathe another gasping breath before having it blown back out of me

This is so beautifully written and so descriptive of how I feel. I admire your ability to put it into words so eloquently.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

:shy: Oh, thank you :happy: