Poll Anybody Else Feel Like They Have To Be The Carer?

[Jen93]

I'm a PTSD sufferer. I've noticed that when I get anxious or I feel fuzzy, I often ask people if they are okay. Mainly it's because I want them to get the hint and ask me if I'm okay. I can't really tell people when I get triggered or when I'm anxious/on the verge of a flashback, I'm not able to advocate for myself like that yet. I feel like I have to care for others, and hope that they care for me; I can't ask people to help or I'm scared they'd get scared.

Just like when I don't know who people are or where I am, I don't tell people, I just talk to the people who show up and talk to me, and I smile and nod and try to play along. Some of my friends also have PTSD or they've known when I'm obviously out of it, so they can recognize the signs and help me: but is my non-advocating stance hurting me in any way?

Is it so wrong though, to feel so awful when knowing you have to depend on others? Does anybody else feel like this? Like they have to care for others, so that they don't feel that they're a burden?

 

[Jen93]

Apparently I'm an empath. I've taken three different tests and scored positive on all. I don't know if I believe all that stuff though.

I guess I feel I need to protect others so that they don't get hurt as I was. I want to keep others from having what happened to me happen to them. That's why I check in with everybody so often, asking if they're okay, and that's why I "check out"/dissociate if people try to talk to me sometimes... I don't want to hear about any pain they might be having, and I don't want them to know mine. I don't want them to face the effects of my trauma, they don't need to know. I don't want them to have PTSD because I shared uncomfortable things with them.

 

[piratelady]

I often try to care for others, but it is for different reasons. I do it in an effort to take the focus off of me. I don't want anyone to see that I am struggling. My therapist says it is because I do not want to be vulnerable.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Mainly it's because I want them to get the hint and ask me if I'm okay.

I do this and then lie about being ok, because I can't tell them the truth. There is a waiver in my voice that I think is probably only heard by me to give me away.

I feel like I have to care for others, and hope that they care for me; I can't ask people to help or I'm scared they'd get scared.

This or I have to lock my self away, so they don't see it when it comes. I don't want to scare/upset anyone. I don't even know how they'd respond if they did know in advance, I think they'd panic, which would not help.

Just like when I don't know who people are or where I am, I don't tell people, I just talk to the people who show up and talk to me, and I smile and nod and try to play along.

Sometimes I'm just nodding along agreeing to everything and I think wait... what but forget before the words reach my mouth.

Does anybody else feel like this? Like they have to care for others, so that they don't feel that they're a burden?

I do, I've spent years now being able to do anything but look after my Grandmother/Sisters/Baby sister/ Mum/ Pets but never able to look after myself. I can't let anyone help me yet either. I hate burdening the people around me and I hate that even by trying to resolve my problems to be at least function with daily basics that is being a burden.

I guess I feel I need to protect others so that they don't get hurt as I was. I want to keep others from having what happened to me happen to them. That's why I check in with everybody so often, asking if they're okay, and that's why I "check out"/dissociate if people try to talk to me sometimes... I don't want to hear about any pain they might be having, and I don't want them to know mine.

I do this, but

I do it in an effort to take the focus off of me. I don't want anyone to see that I am struggling.

I do this too, the ever struggling conflict in my brain. Knowing that I need help and not wanting it. Wanting it but being unable to ask. Locking my self away to avoid drawing attention to myself but downstairs everyone is aware, knowing it and being unable to ask for help, accept it if it's given and punishing myself for letting them down. It's so exhausting, so I just end up needing to sleep.

 

[Changing4Best]

Before I was diagnosed with PTSD (but I was PTSD and did not know it), my hubby had a massive stroke. He needed care, so I felt I had to give it. Really, I had no choice, so when he was in the hospital, I learned as much as I could from the nurses there that were caring for him. I could probably be a Certified Nurses' Aide, just from what I made it my business to learn!

I cared for him for 5 years without a day off. Then I finally had to place him in a nursing home, because he turned against me and became violent toward me. He was suffering from dementia then.

In most other situations, especially since I felt trapped by the above, I try very hard to avoid similar kinds of being cornered. I let folks know that I am not a good housekeeper or cook. I don't EVER want to be someone's caregiver/ servant again!!!